Physical self-confidence is particularly sensitive to The Spectrum, and the following example also highlights the astounding intricacies of where and how we land upon that spectrum. The image of a black sheep amongst a flock of white compatriots comes to mind. I can easily imagine myself as this sheep, especially living as an American ex-pat in New Zealand. Do I act like I belong, though I secretly feel I do not? Am I afraid the flock will oust me for not conforming? Do I mistakenly think I’m better than my peers? Am I secure in my ‘otherness’ and simply accept that I’m different, neither ashamed nor proud of my alternative pigment?
The fact is that these states are not definite. Why? Because the sheep will shift between all of these sensations, depending on the situation and circumstance. Such factors include the amount of oats in its tummy, if its woken up well rested on the right side of the haystack, if it’s trying to blend in hoping to evade the slaughter house line-ride, or keen to show off its new shaved look to various suitors. In each instance the sheeps’ inner dialogue will change depending on what it thinks versus how it feels. Just like our black sheep, my everyday sense of confidence and the behaviours I display as a result creates a complicated scenario. Like mathematical combinations, the number of situational inputs (thoughts) and behavioral outputs (emotions) computes to an astronomical amount of outcomes. This will always be true unless we gain a more stable sense of confidence, one that remains implacable in the face of various circumstances. So, how do we come to FEEL confident in lieu of thinking ourselves confident?
Is it easy to feel confident when we’re supremely aware that we’re dressed in jeans and a T-shirt when everyone else is dressed to the nines? No, that takes something all together different; something much deeper than confidence, something that is developed, deconstructed and re-built many times over our lives. It is our sense of security, a feeling that remains with us despite what our brain thinks. Everyones' journey to this sacred place is different. Sorry folks, I'm just asking the questions, I don't have the answers.
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