Thought of the Day 3/7/2012

Today I realized that Black people don't go hiking.

Definition: Resentment

Resentment: Drinking a sip of poison every day and expecting it to kill someone else. [Original text by Joyce Meyer]


We hold resentments in an attempt to punish the wrong-doers that pop-up throughout our lives to remind us that 'life isn't fair,' and also to prevent repeat offenses.  Yet remaining pissed-off at people for reasons long forgotten and/or irrelevant, judging others for things they do and/or say, or believing they've done us some injustice and/or injury somehow fails to administer satisfactory retribution.  We therefore find ourselves inevitably getting pissed off, over and over again, for the same reasons.  At the end of the day, the spiteful individual is the only one left wallowing in the pissy-waters of resentment, a pool of distorted thoughts and feelings of anger that poison the Mind and Body.  Where is the despicable Being that committed the injustice?  How are they feeling?  They're living their life and feeling just peachy, likely complacent or simply ignorant of the ill-will held against them, unable to feel the needle being continually mind-jabbed into them by the aforementioned individual.

This definition becomes especially true when we hold resentments against loved ones.  Attempting to hold both anger and love in the same space creates the most self-defeating emotion in existence: Guilt.

Resolution of resentments requires that we first realize each, at their most fundamental level, has one of two sources:

1. Someone has something you want (or think you want), that you'll never have and/or you don't deserve. 
• Examples: money, self-acceptance, fame, ripped biceps, healthy relationships, a pony, happiness, etc.
2. You're projecting your most detested qualities, fears and/or insecurities onto the character of another, opting to despise them for these defects instead of yourself. 
• When I was fat I resented all skinny people, convinced they were disgusted by my girth.  The truth was that nobody was as disgusted by my appearance as I was, but it's 'healthier' to project that anger onto others in lieu of drinking the poison that is self-loathing; right?

Secondly, one must identify, analyze and understand the origin and fictitious nature of their resentments.  This requires one to ask oneself: What do I, as well as others, do that really 'cranks-my-yank?'  In short, what pisses me off?  As I began to ask these questions and determine the resentments I hold against myself, loved ones and even strangers, I noticed a humiliating trend; they were all utterly ridiculous.  Clearly I fancy myself very intelligent, important and deserving of unparalleled praise and attention, because I'm quick to become angry when these things are not bestowed upon me.  Most disturbingly, I falsely believe that I am responsible for the well-being and actions of my friends and family, then I turn around and resent them for it; especially if they fail to show adequate appreciation.  Yikes.  Indeed, no one in my society has ever asked for my repeated interference in their affairs, nor could they conceive of my false perception of guardianship.  Each resentment I held turned out to be true only in my own distorted Mind.  The good news for all is that once these beliefs are discovered as fraudulent, one can release the resulting resentments.

Summer's Guide to Identifying Resentments and Mistaken Beliefs:

1. Recall a situation during which you became supremely pissed-off or otherwise emotionally disturbed.
2. Identify the exact stimulus, words and/or behaviors, which caused these emotions. * Consider only the words, behaviors and actions. They, along with your Mind's interpretation of them, created the resentment* Consequently, remove the offending person.
3. Analyze your resulting feelings, behaviors and reactions.  Did certain words/behaviors trigger fears and insecurities from your past?  Did certain words/behaviors make you feel powerless, rejected, or otherwise inferior?  Did certain words/behaviors bring up painful memories/feelings you had repressed and would rather not re-live?
4. Be honest with yourself about the true nature of your resentment and who it is aimed at; it may be against the offender, but it is likely also against yourself or some other influential person in your life.
5. Cut through the web of bullshit you've spun around yourself and identify destructive thinking trends.  Here it is critical to remember that we often deceive ourselves, thus what we hear and see may not be how it really 'went-down.'  
6. Tell someone you trust about the experience and how it made you feel.  If they know you well they may offer insight, otherwise simply having someone listen to your feelings so that you can release the emotions is beneficial.  
7. BREAK THE HABIT.  The next time someone displays behavior or says something that typically knocks you off-balance, choose to act differently. 

It's ugly, I'm not going to lie, and it sure as hell isn't fun to go through this process; but continuing in this manner, addressing every resentment and behavior that upsets you, you'll begin to see patterns.  These patterns develop into a list of core defects, fears and insecurities.  For example, damn near every resentment I've ever held stems from a false perception of abandonment or rejection.  True, this is born from the fact that I was indeed abandoned when I was five years-old. [Again, something only I believe to be true.  If you asked the person who 'abandoned' me, I'm 100% certain they would tell you a different story.]  Carrying that fear into every relationships theretofore led to a steadfast mistrust of other people's intentions and feelings towards me.  It became a poison which prevented me from experiencing unconditional love, especially for myself as I truly believed there was something about me that eventually caused people to flee like Goths from a pep-rally.  Facing that fact, one that had eluded me for 22 years yet influenced my actions everyday, was butt-ass-ugly and horrifying.  My only comfort is that I can break the habitual thought pattern of 'everyone I love will leave me' because now I know it's a fear instigated by my past, and therefore bullshit.  

Resentment is Human kryptonite, and unless we understand its origins and choose to act differently, we are doomed to repeat resentments which keep us from cultivating healthy relationships with ourselves and others.

Thought of the Day 3/5/2012

Any questions?

Gratefully, my day drastically improved as I decided to meet a dear friend for dinner.  I even indulged in packing on a pie-pouch for the benefit of fueling my hamster-like obsession with running.  Now I'm burping up Mint Brownie Pie, delicious; and thank you for cheering me up Ben!

Thought of the Day 3/4/2012: Social Meteorology

A combination of listening to 'Anne of Green Gables' by L.M. Montgomery and partaking in the rampage of chatter that ensued as my Yoga class stepped into the Spring sunshine after class, made me contemplate the social convention of talking about the weather.  Weather is something that is brought up in almost all conversations; during small-talk with acquaintances, catch-up sessions with distant friends and family and also during our own daily reflections upon happenings we found particularly pleasant or bothersome.  For example, I cursed the winds the day they carried something large enough to hit and crack my windshield, yet today I'm enjoying the warmth that the Chinook winds often carry through the foothills and Denver.

Besides the excitement and horror which natural disasters inspire, we have been programmed to habitually comment on the weather for generations, spanning back to the evolution of man.  Why is this?  I suspect it is because in days of yor, before TV and weather.com, when the weather had a profound effect on every day vitality such as crop profits and general health, they had no way to predict day-to-day weather fluctuations.  Consequently, even the most modest changes in the weather became the talk of the town, and could stimulate both social unity and division.  A sudden storm could ruin a farmer's crop but also provide the rain a gardener needed for their flowers to thrive.

If you witnessed this astonishing sight, admit it, you would piss yourself.

Most interestingly, given the criticality of these uncertainties and their effects on one's quality of life, people naturally began cultivating environmental and bodily cues to predict the weather.  Evolutionarily this makes sense and its something engrained into every animal on earth.  Remember the reports about animals heading in-land prior to the tsunami in Indonesia, leaving some behind wondering 'what-the-shit?'  An aching joint, the smell of moisture in the air, the reflection of moonshine off the clouds at night and the color of a sunrise and/or sunset all became ways to divine immediate weather changes.  For instance, in the early 1900's if you lived in Tornado Alley and your ears began to pop you'd know to get your ass into the storm cellar.   I find this all extremely fascinating but unfortunately in present day, with over 40% of all news casts devoted to reporting weather forecasts, humans have begun to lose this innate ability.  Residents of Tornado Alley now rely on the news to inform them of potential danger; yet the people who retained some aspect of their ancestor's abilities are already in a safe place, having felt the sudden decrease in air pressure.  Also, where are the animals? That's right, they're gone because they knew shit was about to hit the fan.  This is precisely why I pay attention to my animals in the spring when Denver experiences frequent Tornado threats.  If Dharma (cat) starts running around like mad and Charlie (dog) hinds under the bed, we all hang out in the bathroom for awhile and stare at each other.  Humans had these very same instincts, but modern meteorology has beaten it out of us and we now rely on someone dressed in a suite standing in front of a green screen to tell us what we may expect for the coming week.  Even then, especially in CO, they're often wrong.

So it's no surprise that we talk about the weather so habitually; it's something we've been doing since we developed a larynx and spoken language!  When Mother-Nature suddenly lays the smack-down on your society it naturally becomes the topic of social recourse.  Also the Human Mind evolved to worry about that which it cannot control, thus my 'Anne of Green Gables' reference.  Anne became distraught over heavy rains that fell only days before a much-anticipated Sunday School Picnic; fearing they endangered her opportunity for fun and ice cream, justly so.  This is a minor example but the point remains; in those times especially, conversations centered upon the weather as it was critical to food sources and a perception of general security.  The main difference is that the conversation has turned from 'A sudden flash flood killed half my family' to 'I hope it doesn't snow tomorrow, it will make my morning commute hell.'

One Native American: 'How strong is your hut?'
The other: 'I'm not sure, but I'm about to find out.'

Thought of the Day 3/3/2012: My Ethnic Bias

I was shopping today when an observation hit me and I wondered: Why does it always seem like black people have more fun than everyone else?  Seriously, this is something I now realize I've noticed my entire life.  And by my entire life, I mean since the first time I actually saw a black person; I was around 15 years old.  Anyway, every time I see a black person they are either laughing, dancing or just plan acting jovial and carefree.  They act the why I feel, yet I keep it mostly inside to avoid side-long glances of disapproval.  It's always made me want to hang out with them, and though I have had black friends, it has failed to satisfy my enthusiasm for them as these friendships have been transient.

For example, the best black friend I've ever had was named Tiffany and we worked at a King Soopers deli together.  She frequently missed work because she had been arrested for assaulting her boyfriend.  Though I gave her rides to and from work I was never allowed in her house because it 'wasn't safe for me.'  I should've been scared or offended, instead I was mesmerized and loved Tiffany all the more.  Working with her, when she wasn't in jail, was an absolute blast.  We were always dancing, singing and laughing.  She conditioned me into referring to everyone as either Mister or Miss, and taught me fun phrases like 'kick rocks,' 'pump yo' brakes,' and my favorite 'ain't nothin' to it but to do it.'  Tiffany took both delight and pride in hearing my painfully white self speaking in this manner.  Best of all, she called me her 'Uh-Oh Oreo,' perceiving that I was white on the outside but black on the inside.  And by today's observation I find this to be true; it would certainly explain my obsession with Hip Hop music.

So what is this exuberance and magnetism?  Is it based in ethnicity?  Do white people just take themselves far too seriously?  Am I biased and only think that black people are more fun due to my culturally depraved past?

Either way, I need more black friends....... Any volunteers?

Thought of the Day 3/2/2012: It's Friday!

This song has been stuck in my head for a week and special meaning to me.  Besides, it's Friday, go out and get into some Trouble!

MB- Someday, perhaps.  Until then, know that the same sun shines on both CA and CO.   

Thought of the Day 3/1/2012: Holy Change of Plans

Here's a great example of how fast things can change:

Both my lease and my job contract come up on the same day at the end of March, thus the reason for me taking off and traveling, knowing neither home or career.  I'm not going to lie, this made me anxious.  My boss worked hard to extend my contract, but corporate red-tape prevented it.  In fact nothing short of a miracle, the CEO's signature, could change the policy.   Today my boss called me into her office, and as a 'hasty' subordinate I naturally assumed my mouth had gotten me into trouble again.  Mais non, by some magnificent turn of events, the policy had been changed the night before and my contract was immediately extended to 24 months!  We are talking about a corporate policy at a world-renowned pharmaceutical company, which has been upheld in the most steadfast manner for the past 30 years; changed overnight.  [Hilarious, as I wrote that sentence a commercial for Enbrel was on the TV, our flagship medication]

Here's the thing, the group needs me right away so now have to re-arrange my plans, swallow some plane tickets, and find an apartment within a month, hahaha.  Just goes to show that you can never be sure of anything!  Isn't life great?

PS For those going to my Denver's Good-Bye Dinner, it's still on; I'm moving to Longmont and don't anticipate making that commute again anytime soon!