Puff, Puff, Pass

Have you ever had a Panic Attack?

If you hesitated in your answer, even slightly, be thankful you have not.  I sincerely hope that you never do.  But for those who have, you know exactly what I mean and you’re likely recalling your own attacks.  Your first panic attack is similar to the first time you have sex in that you wish you could forget it, but you can’t. 

In the throws of a panic attack you experience some combination of these symptoms (4 or more indicate a diagnosed attack):

Ø    Trouble breathing, feeling like you can’t breath or hyperventilation

Ø    Rapid heart beat, pounding chest

Ø    Dizziness

Ø    The Shakes

Ø    Trouble swallowing, feeling like you have a lump on your throat

Ø    Sweating, hot flashes, cold sweats

Ø    Muscle tension, soreness

Ø    The Shits, or other digestive issues

Ø    Feeling like you are disconnected from your body

Ø    Tingling and numbness of extremities (hands, feet, tongue)

Ø    Pain and/or discomfort within the chest

Ø    Feeling like you’ve completely lost your marbles

Ø    Convinced that death itself is swallowing you whole 

A panic attack is simply the body’s ‘flight-or-fight’ response to internal threats (Oh no, I’ll be unhappy forever!) instead of external threats (Holy shit, a tiger!).  Typically these attacks occur because your brain perceives some life-threatening medical situation.  Whether it be a heart attack, stroke, seizure or some other super-fun condition, your body will actually mimic the physical symptoms of that ailment. Still more exciting is that your wonderfully imaginative brain can become panicked due to unresolved, or unacknowledged, emotions and/or accumulated stress.

When you identify the stimulus and symptoms you can easily control an attack before it escalates to an uncontrollable state.  As soon as the stimulus eludes you, however, or the physical symptoms change, you can get tricked into a full-on attack. This is what perpetuates panic attacks.  I’ll give some examples of how this can happen below. 

There are many treatments for anxiety including life style changes surrounding diet, exercise and thinking patterns, and pharmaceuticals.  The book I’ve listed on the main page is a fantastic resource to get started.  My favorite treatment, however, is the ability to laugh at the ridiculousness of how these panic attacks can manifest.  

Consider the following tale:

It’s a typical night for my friend Joe and I, being the fun-loving youngsters that we are we decide to get stoned.  Despite my formidable size, I’ve always been a bit of a lightweight regarding all chemical modulators, legal or otherwise.  One-hit wonder they used to call me.  Tonight I was feeling positively ‘hasty’ as Treebeard would say, so I proceeded to take bong hits like a seasoned pro.  One! One bong hit, ah ha. Two! Two bong hits, ah ah; and so on until I couldn’t quite feel my extremities. 

Now, I lived in northern New York, no not Albany but the real northern New York, where there are no stop lights, lines on the road or cops to pull you over when you’re obviously inebriated.  This also meant that I had a 20-mile drive home.  I started out feeling, well, stoned.  About 3 miles from Joe’s house I suddenly felt a cold wave spread from my head down to my feet, my brain felt like it was melting, my heart was threatening to violently tear itself from my chest and I immediately knew that I was having a heart attack.  I watched as my arm and hand frantically searched the passenger seat for my cell phone, but I couldn’t actually feel my hand doing anything; it was as though it had completely disconnected from my body and was moving on its own accord.  I needed my phone to call my mother and tell her I loved her, because I knew I was going to die. 

Somehow I realized I needed to turn-around and go back to Joe’s.  When I entered the kitchen I was shaking so badly that I could barely walk and I was crying.  His family looked at me like I had lost it completely, and I felt like saying ‘you don’t know the half of it.’  Joe gave me a glass of water to help me calm down and I called my mom to come and get me.  As I waited for my mom I tried to describe what had happened to Joe, but I couldn’t quite put it into words other than staring death in the face, and I’m not sure that I won the contest.

Here’s the high points (no pun intended):

Ø    My mom, instead of yelling at me for getting stoned, laughed like a hyena when she saw the sorry state I was in

Ø    When the panic attack subsided (physiologically they must as your body eventually maxes out and releases natural sedatives), the mellow feeling combined with the massive amount of THC in my system and I was experienced a unparalleled high, severe tunnel-vision and munchies

Ø    I lived above my mother’s bar/restaurant and by happy coincidence someone had left behind half of a birthday cake, which I promptly took upstairs

Ø    As I watched TV, eating my cake, I heard someone laughing beside me.  I looked around in startled surprise to see my sister Sarah.  She had come to sit with me to make sure I was ok and had been there for 30 minutes; I had no idea.  It made me happy, however, to hear her laughing at me as she observed my blood-shot eyes and the frosting all over my face and shirt

Ø    I was later informed by multiple members of my family that they had experienced similar situations; I really wish they had told me sooner

Regarding the Perpetuation of Panic Attacks:

As I mentioned earlier, panic attacks can especially trick you when you get fun new symptoms, thus convincing you that it’s a real medical threat. For example, one night while driving to a friend’s house I randomly smelt the strong scent of toast.  Being the well-informed American that I am, I remembered that the smell of burnt toast typically materializes prior to the onset of a seizure.  I thought, ‘my god I’m having a seizure!’ and by-golly I believed it.  As the familiar wave of cold spread from head to foot, I stopped at a red light and the fear began to take hold.   Should I turn around or call 9-1-1?  As I ponder how to save myself before the seizure starts I looked across the street and saw it, a bread-making factory.  The attack immediately ceased and it was a long time before I could admit the embarrassment I felt in that moment.  Here’s another fun fact; to this day I don’t know if I’m actually allergic to shellfish or if I consistently panic whenever I eat shrimp by accident.

Furthermore, an attack can perpetuate when you’re unable to identify the stimulus.  The first time I had a panic attack that came ‘out of nowhere,’ I was simply driving back from a movie with my friends.  Since I couldn’t identify a stimulus like my typical attacks; I did not have a lab report due the next day that I hadn’t begun or mixed no-doz with vodka, I became convinced that this was it and my juvenile obesity had finally struck in the form of a heart attack.  Well, I ended up going to the ER and imagine my surprise when they sent my ass straight to the psyche ward and filled me with sedatives; 10 minutes later I didn’t know or care where or who I was; a $750 bill that ended up in collections well spent! That attack didn’t actually stop, it culminated in a constant state of panic for about two weeks, which slowly trailed off.  I didn’t fully recover for two months.  I remain convinced to this day it was my first mental breakdown.

Guess what I was going through at the time? I was graduating college, leaving my home state of New York and close proximity to friends and family, and headed to Colorado to start a PhD program.  I had no job or plan to pay my bills until the program began, and no furniture for my apartment.  But I was fine with that change and uncertainty right? That’s what I thought.  Beware of elusive emotions and stresses; they can surface in these not-so-subtle forms.

In summary, if you are prone to panic attacks educate yourself on the current treatments, and learn to laugh at your unique triggers.  If you have never had a panic attack, just say NO.