Birth of a Kiwi

NOTE: I am not posting this link on Facebook as it contains sensitive information that could prove detrimental to my already unstable position with my current employer. Please keep this in mind if/when discussing it with others.

+

 +

That’s right folks! I’m finally going to do what I’ve always wanted to do: Leave this country and go somewhere I believe I can achieve a significantly higher quality of life. As I’ve previously indicated, the issues with my job and destruction of my arbitrary career ambitions have reminded me that I yearn for a simpler life.  Indeed, I’ve never really felt like I belonged here; I crave neither material possessions nor wealth, I find no pleasure in anything that the ‘typical American’ enjoys, don’t eat processed foods, dislike watching TV (in fact I don’t even own one), do not rejoice in shopping or spending money in general, and if I see another strip mall my brain is going to melt.  I’ve been to many cities in the US and truly believe I’ve seen enough to affirm that they are all very much the same; it’s time to surround myself with the unfamiliar and what I suspect will be more aligned with my liberal social values and zeal for beauty, nature and most importantly, frugality.

So I’m leaving on February 7, 2015 from Denver, CO to Christchurch, New Zealand (and for only $241 thanks to my United MileagePlus membership!); armed with my 12-month working holiday visa (which was free!) and two solid plans, either of which will qualify me for permanent residency (see below). I understand people will wonder what prompted this decision, so I will say only that I’m unwilling to wonder ‘what-if’ for the rest of my mediocre middle-class American life. I’m giving myself the opportunity to either prove that I was right, leading a happy, simple life as a Kiwi; or that I was wrong, learning that at heart I’m just as addicted to instant gratification as every other American.

I’m not wearing rose-colored glasses either, at least not completely.  I’ve done my homework regarding immigrationto New Zealand, and life there will certainly not be easier. Everything is expensive, prohibitively so. Apparently I won’t be able to afford chicken, popcorn, fresh fruits or vegetables (especially in the winter) or alcohol until I secure an exceptionally well-paying job; they don’t even sell peanut butter and the internet connections are around the speed of US dial-up circa 1993. What New Zealand does have however, is a population of people who thrive on exploiting the beauty of their country by making traveling affordable and convenient, and who thoroughly enjoy adventurous exploration of said land along with a relaxed approach to life and work in general. They don’t worry about trivial first-world problems to the extent of the average American, all the things that make me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon every time I overhear a typical conversation at McDonald’s and even at my current employer.  The latter is actually worse as these people make enough money to partake of the American way of life: Habitually spending money on crap we don’t need, then complaining about having no money or massive amounts of debt.

Mount Ngauruhoe: Aka Mount Doom; I'm climbing this shit Frodo-style!

Ok, I’ve beaten the dead horse.  Please don’t feel offended by my disillusioned version of what I’ve come to know as ‘The American Dream.’ I actually envy all the Americans who love and feel pride in this country, it’s a feeling that I have honestly never felt; but I do distinctly remember deciding, at the tender age of 7, that I would run away to Canada if the military ever tried to draft me. The happiness of my friends and family are of critical importance to me; all I’m asking for is reciprocity, for my loved ones to understand that for some reason this lifestyle does not suit me and I must attempt to remediate that issue.  I’ve done enough self-help work to know that happiness comes from within, and any depressive emotions I harbor will follow me unless I concurrently alter a few key aspects of my personality. Yet I sincerely feel that, in America, those habits will persist. I require a drastic change in environment and social dynamic to help me hit the reset button. In short, I believe that this journey will enable me to implement vital changes in a meaningful way which will last. What’s the worst case scenario? That I’m wrong; returning in a year to be my sister’s live-in maid with no more answers than when I left, but if nothing else, I will be richer for having experienced an alternate way of life.

 

Planning

Prior to Leaving: Find a flat to rent and potential jobs, or book a stay with a working hostel 

Plan A: Secure gainful employment; hopefully a position within a service industry that exploits my innate skills and interests. Ideally, it will be a vocation that enables me to employ my degree and work experience, and also pays well so that I can eat chicken while intoxicated.

Plan B: Get hitched; either by entering into a mutual understanding/symbiotic partnership whereby I provide a clean home, healthy meals, fitness tips and sarcastic companionship in return for my immigration status; sucker someone into thinking I can experience normal romantic emotions (this won’t work as I’m incapable of deception), or actually fall in love with a Kiwi (least likely scenario, but a girl can dream). 

In general, I plan to use dating as a means of eating well while saving money; but since I’ve never dated (sad and difficult to believe, but true nonetheless) this may turn out to be a slightly disastrous aspect of my otherwise flawless plan.  It should also be comical, however, so I’ll be sure to keep my readers informed of any misadventures. Regarding Plan B in particular, I recognize that this is my greatest shortcoming at present, and the topic could easily constitute its own article. Suffice it to say, due to both the circumstances of my childhood and the emotional fallout of my one and only failed relationship, I’m too terrified of the emotional pain of abandonment to accept or provide human affection. This inability will continue to adversely impact my quality of life and chances of experiencing true happiness until I find someone who allows me to organically overcome that fear; someone I know to be worth the risk. My logical nature is against me here as the odds of finding ‘The One’ are too great, so I must trust in my spirituality and faith in God. Spiritually I can feel that this person is not in Kansas; and though they may not be in New Zealand either, this step will somehow bring me closer to them.

That’s it; that’s all I have to say.  Know that every single person receiving this link has touched my life in a positive way and I will always treasure the time we shared, regardless of its length. I sincerely wish to keep in contact, but I’m realistic enough to know that it may not happen; consequently I’ll say now that I Love You so there can be no doubt. Feel free to visit me in Kansas before I leave, or take a great adventure to connect with a friend abroad.  For those in NNY, I will be there June 27th through July 4th, contact me to hang out.