Thought of the Day 12/02/2015: Random Travel Thoughts

Scenery along my walk to downtown Christchurch. It's a 20 minute walk, but gorgeous as it follows this cute little creek.

Here are a few fun random thoughts and conversations I've had during my travels:

1. Everyone in the US Knows They Screwed-Over Their Natives
Ok, this one isn't so much fun but sad, and borderline inhumane, but here goes. An Italian girl in Sydney asked me about how Americans felt about their natives and I became confused. To whom was she referring, what natives? It then dawned on me that she was speaking about Native Americans, literally, and my shameful response was to start laughing. I shook my head and said, “They got screwed.” She asked if all Americans felt that way and I replied yes; I truly trust that every American understands that we first killed off half the natives with disease and then bullied the rest onto reservations consisting of inhospitable soil to ensure they kept their ‘savage’ culture to themselves. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Americans guaranteed the Natives deterioration by granting them supreme authority over an otherwise illicit activity, gambling, and enabling their proclivity towards alcoholism. A vicious circle indeed! The Thanksgiving play from Addams Family Values particularly comes to mind.

After hearing this, she told me that she had spent some time on a reservation while visiting the states and this was exactly their view on things. She balked at how it was such common knowledge yet no one seemed to stand up for Natives rights. I wish I had an answer, but I don’t; I’m not sure why everyone seems to accept the bleak fate handed over to the Native Americans. As a little girl my father hauled us to ‘Pow-Wows’ nearly every weekend to celebrate our Native Seneca heritage (I was consistently the whitest kid there, they loved my golden curls), and I always enjoyed those trips. We’d all dance together around a huge fire adorned in leather clothing abundant with bell-laden frills, and then listen to the elders tell ancient allegorical tales of bears, wolves and foxes. Do Pow-Wows even occur anymore? Dammit, that makes me sad.

Interestingly, while discussing this with a fellow backpacker during dinner, they offered an alternate view that I had not considered. I spoke of my admiration for how New Zealand has preserved Maori culture, even incorporating the language into signage and retaining many of the town names; but they asked “preserved or exploited?” He went on to compare New Zealand’s treatment of the Maori culture to an exhibit at Disneyland. Immediately I saw what he meant. They hadn’t preserved it for the Maori’s sake, but for their own, as a tourist attraction. That also made me sad. I guess there’s more than one way Westerners have been shitty to native Tribesmen.

2. Tom's Proposition

This actually took me by surprise. True to my extroverted personality I was my normal Chatty-Kathy Self on my flight from Newark to Los Angeles. The guy sitting next to me was Israeli and we had a great conversation, sharing our life experiences and various views on life. As I was about to nap for a couple of hours, he said he had an odd request, to which I replied that I things rarely shocked me. I was proven wrong, however, when he propositioned me regarding a green card marriage, and he was perfectly serious. The odd thing is that I care so little for the institution of marriage that I would actually consider it under the right circumstances. Not for money which is what he offered, however, but to help someone who truly wanted to change their citizenship and was unable to do so any other way. Perhaps I sympathize with those people since I’m seeking to make the same transition; though it’s not the path I would choose. I could never be beholden to someone in that way, or respect myself for earning my citizenship in any other way than by proving myself a functional contributing member of the Society. Yet I understand, not only the desperation, but also the frustration surrounding trying to get a green card in the USA. People try for years without any success thanks to the lottery system and endless bureaucracy, even when they’re in successful careers such as Chemical Quality and Project Management.

3. Uncommon Fashion Sense

Simple question, difficult answer: Why the hell would you buy a pair of jeans that are literally in tatters? Furthermore, why do they cost more than jeans without holes? I know that this is an age-old question, but come on people! Logic insists that more material should cost more than less material, yet such is not the case. I digress however; because the real travesty is that these people think they look phenomenal. I think they look cold.

They beg the question: Were you attacked by a rabid badger?

4. That Dog Stole My Apples!

Don’t take apples across international borders. The result is that a beagle mix will sniff then out, you’ll be apple-less and that little bastard will get a treat! I’m just thankful that someone gave me the advice to declare my snacks with customs even if I wasn’t sure. If they had found those apples without a declaration I could have been fined over $1,000 at best, and jailed or deported at worst.

5. Passport Origin

I can’t remember at one point during my journey I had this thought, but while presenting my passport I stood waiting and staring into the little book. Suddenly I was back in Rochester, NY where I first applied over 10 years ago, sitting on a wooden bench feeling extremely excited at taking this critical step in my future travel-saturated future. I had the express intention of studying abroad at the University of Canterbury in Christchurch, New Zealand. That fell through, however, like so many things in my past due to lack of funds to get me there, even though financial aid would have covered the tuition. Any further questions regarding why I choose this destination? I’m an extremely determined person.

6. I Don't Know How to Count Kilojoules

I actually couldn’t help but laugh when I realized how easy it was going to be to break my calorie counting habit when I observed that food here is labeled with its energy value measured in kj (kilojoules) instead of calories. Full disclosure, I still check the label to make sure the fat:carb:protein ratio is to my liking, but give no regard to the overall count and I call that success dammit!

7. Odd Shopper 
I'd rather look through pharmacies and grocery stores than clothing shops and the like because I think one can get a better feel for the local culture and flavor that way. Just look at the cool shit I saw!
a) Ginger EVERYTHING

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Aussies and New Zealanders love ginger as much as I do. It’s available raw or crystallized as lozenges, in gummy bear form, in bars of dark chocolate, in pear cider (I can’t wait to try this!) and Ginger Beer, which is like Ginger Ale on steroids. Pretty much the most delicious drink ever.

b) Placental Cure Alls?

Uhhh, what is the biological foundation that placenta will not only make your hand incredibly soft but will also fight aging when taken as a supplement? I want to read that scientific study.

WTF?!

8. Lop-Sided Mindset

I’m not going to lie; I’m a bit more than apprehensive about driving on the left. If I can’t remember to walk on left of stairs and pathways (an issue I’ve experienced before in India), how am I going to remember to drive on the left? Well, I guess the car coming straight at me should tip me off. haha. Also, a women on my flight from LAX to SYD gave me some good advice: regardless of the country or side of the road one drives on, the driver is always positioned near the middle of the road. On the drive to the hostel, however, I was terrified when we entered a traffic circle and my brain started screaming ‘wrong way, wrong way!’ because we were going clockwise. Here’s to hoping I can make only left-hand turns and avoid all traffic circles.

9. Funny Money

Animals

New Zealand money is by far the coolest looking I’ve seen! It’s colorful and has these cool transparent spots, one of which is in the shape of a Silver Fern, the NZ national symbol. They also have coins for $2 and $1, same as Canada, which I’ve always preferred to $1 bills. There are people on one side (many of which are Queen Elizabeths) and critters on the other; and in just one day I’ve spent an awful lot of it!

Dignataries

10. Kiwi in a Day

Even I really must admit it, I killed it yesterday. I awoke at 0600 feeling terrified and confused, having no idea what I needed to do, where I needed to go, or how to get there. By 1700 I had bought a SIM card to activate my phone, filed for an IRD number (a tax ID number so that I can get paid when I find work), bought and registered a hardy car I will affectionately refer to as ‘Hank’ who has all the safety features necessary to keep me alive and also enough room to live in, eaten a phenomenal New Zealish version of Chicken Slovakia, bought groceries and opened a New Zealand bank account. No of these things would’ve been possible with the abundant, unfailing and sincere help and support offered to me by each and every person I interacted with. From the bank to the post office everyone went above and beyond to help me, ensuring that I had the proper documentation and giving me extremely beneficial advice.

Him's so Handsome! 

Holy Yum!

Leaving the states was a nightmare, but none of that matters now; everything has been laughably easy since landing in Sydney where the Air New Zealand representatives checked my itinerary in advance to ensure my check-in went smoothly the next day. The guys who drove the shuttle from the airport to my hostel even insisted on carrying my bag right up to the front door. Yes, I think I’m going to like it here.

Today's Adventures: Apply to as many jobs as possible and start to drive around.

Thought of the Day 09/02/2015: My Day Amongst the Aussie's

Note that I changed the date format to be consistent with my new home, I will also be referring to things in Celsius, Meters and Military time.

Yay, Sydney!

[Link to Pics via Facebook]

After the utter madness of getting abroad, I made the wise decision to ask the fine people with Air New Zealand about my itinerary for the next day. After being assured that everything was in order and that there should not be any issues, I took a shower at the airport to freshen up after my 15-hour flight and used their free computers to book a night at a hostel that a few people on the plane recommended. Complimentary Wifi, hot shower, comfy bed, incredible view of the harbor and close proximity to the Botanical Gardens for only $40; yes please!

As I strolled through the gardens for a few hours, many thoughts and emotions swirled in my mind. I teared up when it finally dawned on me that I had made it; I had left the US. I couldn't help but think about all my friends and family back in their own little towns, going about their normal business, working their jobs and dealing with life as they usually do; but not me, I'm here. No job, nothing planned, just living for the walk and taking in the sights, smells and sounds of Sydney, Australia. These sentiments were not to provoke jealousy, insinuate that I was somehow superior, or to snub other peoples way of life. Instead, they served to remind me how phenomenally grateful I am, and how thankful I  need to be everyday that I've broken whatever binds I felt existed that kept me in the USA up until now. Invisible binds indeed, ones that we all bare is some way, because I have not done or accomplished anything that anyone else could not do or accomplish. I simply made a decision, made whatever sacrifices needed to be made to follow-through with that decision, and then resolved to deal with the consequences of that decision. Now here I am, slightly anxious perhaps, but with absolutely no regrets.

While walking along the other side of the harbor I saw a guy fishing, so I asked him what people caught in Australia. He replied that he was hoping to catch some 'Brim' (which I discovered were spelled Bream after googling them), and then showed me one that he had caught. It looked like a kind of trigger fish, too skinny to be tasty, but he said they had a good flavor. I thanked him for showing me and continued down the path. I also found it extremely inspiring that literally everyone was running. There were far more runners than walkers; it made me feel a little lazy!

Black Bream

The last place I planned to explore was Hyde park, but I only got through half it before I began feeling really anxious. Fearing it might be my blood sugar, I sat, ate a protein bar and drank some water, but the anxiety would not relent. I felt weak and decided that I was probably exhausted due to jet-lag, not too mention the hot and humid conditions that were likely making my body say 'WTF, Where am I?!' I began my long trek back feeling a bit defeated, but forced myself to be proud that I was taking care of myself rather than pushing myself onward for no good reason.

I feel slightly more recovered now after sleeping for a long while. Tentative plans to drink wine last night and to run this morning have been put off until my arrival in New Zealand. I know it's a failing on my part, but I'm just so focused on getting there that I'm not interested in much here. 

Sweet Mother Mary and Joseph: I Finally Made It Out!

My aforementioned concern regarding the flight abroad not only hit the mark, but blew threw it, knocked out 2 walls behind it and then went out to outer-fucking-space to take out a few Aliens for spite. I could have never, in a million years, anticipated what I would have to endure to exit the US. I most certainly went out like a lion; and will be in no hurry to return anytime soon.

As soon as exiting the plane at LAX I made a beeline for the customer service area to check-in for my flight to Sydney, where I was once again informed that I had no reservation. SERIOUSLY?! After an extremely lengthy phone call between United and the kiosk representative, during which I paced nervously, wearing a hole in the already threadbare carpet, yet receiving no updates, the agent finally gave me back my passport and told me they THINK they fixed the issue. Feeling hopeful, though not optimistic, I headed to the gate to check-in as the agent had instructed. Once there, the gate attendant tried multiple times to check me in without success, but finally another agent angrily told them what they were doing wrong and quickly printed my boarding pass. Thank the Lord above, right? WRONG. We are now about 5 minutes prior to boarding this packed 15-hour flight. As an after thought the attendant decided to check my flights to New Zealand to make sure I wouldn’t have any issues in Australia. I was extremely appreciative of this right up until the agent discovered that by some oversight my stay in Australia was greater than 27 hours. A traveler, of any citizenship, can only stay in Australia, in a strictly country-hopping capacity, for up to 8 hours; otherwise they require a Visa. Since United failed to inform me of this necessity, I did not have one. The aforementioned angry-pants agent then did something that provoked me to burst into hysterical tears; they ripped up my boarding pass and told me I couldn’t go to Sydney. They were now boarding my section.

The gate agent told me that I could apply for a Visa online, but how? Where? Would there be enough time? I couldn’t call anyone because once again, my phone can’t make calls. Everything came crashing down on me, the harsh realization: I was in LAX with no way to get anywhere, and I my life abroad was now in ruins for the second time. I couldn’t help but experience defeat; it simply wasn’t meant to be…. I felt crushed. My new life was over before it had even begun and still worse, I had no 'old life' to go back to.

Then something unexpected and absolutely amazing happened, about 5 people immediately set to the task of somehow getting me this Visa within the next 15 minutes, prior to boarding closure. One women, I’ll call her my Angel, sat me down and explained that she had done the application online for her husband and herself a couple of days ago and they got their Visas instantly. For some divine reason, though the complimentary Wi-Fi was not working for anyone else in the area, Safari fired up on my phone. She found the website and got the application open for me, I literally shook while filling it out and made a lot of mistakes as I fretted over completing it on-time; it was going to be a photo finish. Motivated by her resolve, my optimism grew and I decided then and there that this shit-tastic debacle would somehow workout; I was being tested and I was determined to prove how badly I wanted this change in my life. I seemed to be moving along smoothly so my Angel boarded the plane with her husband and assured me that she’d see me onboard. On the second to last page of the application I was having difficulty getting the website to accept the phone number I had entered, and the sketchy internet connection was starting to waiver. They were now boarding the last group and only a handful of people remained in the gate area. Literally sweating cortisol, I began to tear up again affirming ‘I’m not going to make it’, and that’s when a younger guy came over to help me. The application finally accepted the phone number and now I was entering my payment information, he read me the credit card numbers because I was shaking too violently to hold both the phone and the credit card. Miraculously, within seconds it processed and sent me my email confirmation. He went down the jetway as I re-checked in with LITERALLY seconds to spare; they shut the gate, and also the airplane doors, behind me. When I entered the plane more than a few people actually cheered, sharing in my relief at having made the flight! If these were Australians, I loved them!

Phew, but seriously, WTF?! I took my seat in full adrenaline burn out and coaxed myself to breath. It was over; I was on the plane and bound for Australia…. I’ll figure out the New Zealand thing tomorrow. If the worst thing that happens to me in Sydney is having to stay there for a night, I will consider myself the most blessed person on God’s green Earth.

FINALLY!!! 

PS. To United Airlines I say this: VERY BADLY DONE! I was such a loyal United customer, but losing both of my itineraries in one day and selling me a literally impossible connection through a foreign country is too much to bare. There’s nothing I can really do, but I’ll certainly think twice before booking with United ever again (...8over  years later, I've kept this promise to myself).

Day Zero: SNAFUs #1 and #2

It certainly didn't take long for me to hit the first major snag in my plans! To properly understand my dilemma, here is what I assumed were my flight plans to New Zealand:
Itinerary 1 (Paid conventionally via credit card, purchased in order to visit family prior to leaving)
1. Syracuse (SYR) to Chicago O'Hare (ORD)
2. Chicago O'Hare (ORD) to Denver (DIA)
Itinerary 2 (Paid via frequent flyer miles, my initial plan was to drive to Denver from Kansas for the flight)
3. Denver (DIA) to Los Angeles (LAX)
4. Los Angeles (LAX) to Sydney, Australia (SYD)
5. Sydney, Australia (SYD) to Auckland, New Zealand (AKL)
6. Auckland, New Zealand (AKL) to Christchurch, New Zealand (CHC)

I had my Dad drive me to Syracuse the day before my flight in anticipation of heavy snowfall; opting to stay at the airport hotel to ensure I made it on-time with minimal stress on me or my family. This morning I tried to check my flight status online before leaving the hotel, but United's website could not find any flights from SYR to ORD. Odd, but I didn't get hung up on it. When I checked-in, however, the kiosk attendant got a weird look on his face after trying to find me in their system. Apparently, for reasons unknown, United had cancelled the first segment of my trip (Flight 1) awhile ago, and booked my second flight twice. I was never notified of any changes. At this point I'm getting a bit nervous, stressing to the representative that I had to get to either DIA or LAX for my flight abroad. After a lengthly phone call with United, I had a flight from SYR to Newark to LAX. Yay, right? Yes, but.....

I had three bags; one personal item with a laptop and food, one roller bag to carry-on and one huge hiking pack that I planned to check. The problem was this: my new itinerary puts me into LAX at 9:11pm (the final destination as far as my checked bag is concerned), and my flight to SYD leaves at 10:40pm. International flights require check-in two hours prior to the flight, I simply wouldn't have enough time to  go and pick up my bag, check-in, and go through security again; not to mention I've never been in the LAX airport and am wholly unfamiliar with it's layout and couldn't anticipate any further delays. When I voiced this concern to the agent they told me I'd have to call the people who booked that itinerary and see if I can get the itineraries combined so that my bag could be checked to my final destination. This upset me because 1) I booked it online and didn't know who to call and 2) I have no friggin' phone! [I literally had to stop writing here to go with the cops. I'll explain below, but I'm willing to bet it won't be too difficult to guess the answer soon enough]. I had reached a breaking point and became visibly upset (i.e., crying), but I remembered a there was a phone number to call on my Chase United credit card and the attendant was nice enough to call it for me. Unfortunately the outcome was the same; I could go, but not with a checked bag if I wanted to make the SYD flight. The lesson staring me in the face; how bad do I want to go? Enough to truly forsake 97% of my belongings? The answer is easy: YES, I am going come hell or high water.

I found an open area of the airport and set to the task of figuring out what would stay and what would go, and I was pleasantly surprised to find everything I really wanted fit in my roller. Hell, I even felt rather proud of myself after the exercise, though the zippers on my suitcase may burst before I actually arrive in Christchurch (I simply couldn't bare to leave my Nikes behind!). I left my pack and the clothes I didn't want by the trash, went into the bathroom to change my clothes and put on a couple more layers, then went through security to sit and wait four hours at the gate until my flight.

Now this is traveling light!

So, can you guess why the cops came to get me? Are you familiar with that overhead announcement at all airports that say 'do not to leave bags unattended and/or report any unattended bags to the TSA'? Yup, that's right, someone found my shit and called the Fuzz. I went down to face over ten cops, TSA officers and a German Shepard, with my stuff strewn all over the floor; all the while receiving a humiliating lecture on the severity of my moronic offense. If there hadn't been that bomb-sniffing dog conveniently close by to illustrate there was no explosives in my pack, these abandoned belongings would have shut down the airport for hours, the FBI would be notified, a bomb squad would have blown it up, and I would've been fined well over of $10,000. Pardon my language, but I believe a 'WHAT THE F*$!?!' is in order. The whole episode prior to the 'dump' had me so flustered that I didn't really think much about leaving the bag by the garbage. To me it was trash, already forgotten and someone else's concern. The expression of utter shame, along with more than a few tears, assured the authorities I would not be repeating that mistake anytime soon.

Still there's lots to be grateful for, like the fact that I reduced my number of total flights by one, there's free wifi so I can blog and reflect on this innane situation, I learned that airport security (at least in Syracuse, New York) is airtight, and I didn't get fined 10K or piss off the bomb dog. I'm optimistic that after this memorable send-off the rest of the trip will be fairly uneventful, but I am a bit concerned that United sent me an invitation to check-in for my Sydney flight with no mention of the rest of my itinerary to New Zealand; and it also wouldn't let me sign in on-line ahead of time... Here's hoping!

Thought of the Day 02/06/2015: Divine Healing

A fool-proof, God-given, recipe for health:

Eat - Drink - Rest - Wait

This is something I've wanted to discuss for awhile, something that I find equal parts comforting and empowering. Think about it, if there's something wrong that can't be cured by one of these things, the sufferer is likely fucked. Even taking things like over-the-counter painkillers for headaches, muscle pain or fevers can each just as easily be addressed by simply drinking more water, warm with lemon juice in the case of the sore muscles. Indeed, dehydration causes many potentially dangerous issues, which is why we can live substantially longer without food than water. Even when plagued by diseases such as Cancer, Diabetes and Heart Disease, proper monitoring and administration of food, water and rest alone can usually keep someone alive for a reasonable life span. Additionally, regardless of how one believes we got here, Humans did not have much to work with medicinally until fairly recently and had only these things to address their ailments.  Moreover, medicines really only function to speed up our bodies innate abilities to heal, such as improving immune function with antibiotics, quickly hydrating via IV solutions, or dulling intense discomfort with pain meds while the Body heals itself.

This concept occurred to me a few times throughout the last couple of years, and my epiphany led me to build an innate communication with my Body that left me feeling empowered, and also helped ease my hypochondriac-based anxiety considerably. This first incident happened to be the Berlin debacle, about which I've written previously. I came out of the situation feeling in complete harmony with my Body. Make no mistake, I was in real trouble; but being in a different country prompted me to rely on myself instead of medical professionals and I came out of the situation all the wiser, along with a new ability to address my Body's needs using only water and rest.

Another time I implemented this healing method I found myself hiking at an altitude of around 13,000 ft, on my way to 14,000+ ft (14er), in the middle of a boulder field. I began feeling dizzy, light-headed, nauseous and anxious (classic symptoms of hypoglycemia and dehydration). In that moment I knew I had two options, up or down; the only serious medical help available was via helicopter, and if an ambulance is considered expensive, just wait for a Medevac bill! So, being too stubborn to descend after hiking two hours and being so near the summit, I decided to eat a protein bar, drink some water, and sit down on one of the many boulder God had made available for my ass to rest upon. After about 20 minutes I caught a second-wind and practically jogged the rest of the way, feeling extremely proud of myself for assessing my needs and not giving into my anxiety. Similarly, my friend DB got sick and harfed halfway up Grays peak on one memorable hike. Like me, some water and a 30 minute sit down was all he needed and we hit not one, but two 14er's that day!

Champs!

Lastly, I apply this technique while feeling symptoms of the viscous cycle of anxiety and hypoglycemic attacks I experience almost daily. Note that they can be disturbingly similar, not to mention that an anxiety attack involves the release of adrenaline, which in turn burns up blood sugar and causes hypoglycemia. When these classic characteristics present themselves I drink water and have a hypoglycemic friendly snack (almonds, fruit, yogurt), and wait 10 minutes. If I still don't feel better, I know it's not a sugar issue and likely just anxiety, so I switch to my self-soothing exercises to seek comfort, which in itself usually employs food and rest.
 
Now, please allow me to make one thing clear. I believe in this system because I have used it to some success, but I would never hesitate to seek medical attention when my Body tells me that it's in over it's head and needs professional help to heal. I am a scientist, a cellular biologist to be exact. After working in pharmaceuticals for over 6 years, I strongly believe in the use of medical interventions for all the reasons they are made available, especially vaccinations! The only point I'm trying to make here is when someone feels ill, instead of rushing to the hospital for drugs, it would be best that they first assess their symptoms with this primal healing system in mind. Learn to listen to the Body, and ask it if it needs a certain type of food, water or just a rest day, then give these essential elements time to work with the Body to fix the issue. By all means, if someone continues to feel shitty or the symptoms persist, they need to get their butt to a doctor; that's why we train and pay them so well! 

Thought of the Day 02/05/2015: Home Is Where the Heart Is

It's my last night at my Sister Sarah's house in beautiful LaFargeville, NY. In reflection, here are just a few of my cherished moments from the trip that make this place home:

- Being rushed in the airport and greeted by 3 adorable children all screaming "Aunt Summie!"

- Acting as a Buckin' Bronco for Quinton and Lucy

- Playing the part of a stay-at-home House Frau by cooking, cleaning and caring for the chittlins, and actually loving it!

- Nursing Vera's ankle after she fell while dancing and finally finding a use for my chronically cold hands

- Snuggling with Lucy on the couch

- Getting schooled in the plethora of animal species by Quinton, doing his homework with him and winning Digimon battles so his little digital critter will digivolve

- Drinking my Mom, Brenda's, coffee in lieu of taking a laxative

- Completely unanticipated Divine Interventions

- Laughing with Sarah over memories of Amanda, particularly her assertion that "Him's so Regal" (imagine her sitting with a cat in her lap, making the cat act as though it's petting itself)

- Humoring my nieces and nephew by consistently calling the cat (Slop) and dog (Layla) by incorrect names (Bootsie/Kitty-Kitty-Mow-Mow and Lola/Lolita/Letitia, respectively), and watching their epic battles

- Multiple coffee and brunch dates with dear old friends (Some were old friends, others just old. Haha!)

My beloved adopted Grandmother, Annie!

- Having breakfast with my Dad and Brenda each morning after my daily workout

- Jreck Subs

- Free haircuts and photo sessions al la Nana (aka Momma Brenda)

- Listening to Lucas, my extremely quiet Brother-in-Law, laugh like a hyena while watching his wife's face dance around as an animated elf (Sorry, I'd post the video but I'm afraid my Sister might cause me significant bodily harm as a result)

- Quality conversations with all the kids, who never cease to astound me by their intelligence and self-awareness

- Getting unfailing support and encouragement from my loved ones in the face of the most terrifying adventure I've ever set myself upon (including my Sister threatening to beat me with a wooden kitchen spoon if I didn't get a grip)

Aunt Di, the one partially responsible for all my tattoos!

- Watching Vera fabricate, practice and perform her own choreographed dance; Juilliard here she comes!

Vera's Dance is better; damn this song is catchy!

With that, I'm off! Rest assured my entire journey will be chronicled, though the next 3 days will be nothing but plane rides, so stay tuned!

Thought of the Day 02/01/2015: The Day God Spoke to Me Through a Barista

There is no way to articulate what happened to me; at the least, it was deific. I still feel awe when remembering the experience and tears fill my eyes. God spoke to me yesterday, through a Barista.

Like a good little girl I went to church with my Mom and Dad yesterday. I'm a bit ashamed to admit this, but the whole time I was in church I was either 1) caught between thinking the people were either crazy or being jealous at the pure joy they obviously felt as a result of their holy connection, or 2) thinking about when I'd inevitably get hungry and worrying that my blood sugar would get low before I could get back to the soup and salad I had waiting for me back at my Dad's house, forcing me to eat something other than what I had planned to eat. This is my crux, my addiction; absolute control over what, when, and how I eat. Even though I haven't counted in a week, and I'm not planning meals days in advance, the same anxiety-ridden fear-filled thoughts have not ceased. In a last ditch effort to harvest my serenity, I attempted to focus on trusting my body, knowing that building that intuition is the only way out of this mess.

Mine is a behavioral addiction, unlike the chemical addictions that run rampant in my family. I had never really given this difference much thought until explaining to my father the other day that although I sometimes smoke cigarettes I've never been addicted to nicotine, likely lacking the genetic component that makes people nicotine addicts. Similarly, I have drank plenty of booze and hit my share of bongs, yet nothing chemical has ever stuck. Now, tell me about a new study that shows 45 minutes of cardio is the optimal amount of time to workout, or that 1874 calories is what I should eat to maintain my weight, then try to get to me stop adhering to precisely those numbers. The stability, the control, these numbers offer draw me in and lock my Mind in place. At first they bring me peace, but comfort transforms into torture as I realize that any alteration incapacitates me with anxiety. Consequently, it seems odd to me that these two addiction variants can be equally powerful and destructive though society tends to ignore or deny the former. Only recently have addictions like eating disorders, OCD and hoarding behaviors been the focus of recovery programs.

Back to church. At the start of the service the Barista who had taken my complicated and somewhat ridiculous Cappuccino order (decaf, nonfat, sugar-free almond, extra foam) the other day at my favorite local coffee shop came over to me, elated, that she had another opportunity to see me. I thought this a bit odd since, though she was extremely kind and open at the shop, I hadn't shared anything personal with her. After the service she found me again and asked if I would pray with her; I wanted to leave and eat an apple, but decided there was no harm in appeasing her. Who turns down well wishes?! What happened next turned my world upside down and left me feeling absurd for feeling such haughty judgment over the churchgoers; the Almighty was about to prove just how right they were. It was as though God smacked me in the forehead and said "You shoulda had a fuckin' V8!" And considering my issues, I took this quite literally!

She prayed that I saw that I am whole, that I am not broken; affirmed that I have already won. Asked that God ensure the food I eat will nourish me, help me to see that my Body will not trick me and I can trust my innate feelings of hunger and satiation. Declared that I am beautiful and worthy of love, and beseeched God to make all these things visible to me. She even mentioned something about being more valuable than the calories I eat, but admittedly at that point I was in such a state of amazement and befuddlement, not to mention uncontrollable sobbing, that I can't recall the exact words. How did she know?! What did she see?! In that instant I was completely certain of one thing: This was why I came here before leaving, for God to deliver this message in a way I would have to accept. Heaven knows, all these things I have told myself time and time again, but have never been able to believe. Now, how could I deny them when they were utterly crystal clear to a total stranger?

As we were wrapping up our prayer and I thanked the angelic Barista repeatedly while also praising her substantial intuitive gift, my best friend from middle school came over to lend me her support as well. She said something that really struck me, something I have always known but did not recognize in myself; 'The greatest gift we have is the love we give to others." Then she imparted that sentiment onto me, stating that I've always had that gift, yet I've always seen myself as more selfish than giving. Again, something I'll have to accept and love about myself.

Fatefully, as I've already mentioned, yesterday marked the first full week I've gone without counting calories or planning out meals in advance. The copious amounts of anxiety I was experiencing as a result had me at my breaking point, thinking that I should just count to appease the beast even though I know the number doesn't mean anything, and the only true and accurate calorie counter is my Body. After my divine intervention, however, there was no way I was about to count! After all, I have already won, I only need to learn to see that and stay the course!