In the past, though I love the idea of magazines and bought subscriptions frequently, I never actually read them so I decided this time would be different; besides, I couldn't let the exorbitant amount spent on these subscriptions go to waste. Determined to read every page, today I began as yesterday I received my first two issues Natural Health.
Folks, I'm here to tell you that I got through all of 15 pages of the first issue before I had to stop and write, so filled with inspiration was I. First of all you need these premises: I am a natural skeptic and analyzer, I believe nothing I read [preferring my own opinion based on sound scientific logic] and lastly, I think a lot of the 'Natural' movement is a vicious play on the gullibility of the every-day, ignorant, citizen and purely exists as a financial ploy to get people to buy shit they don't need and generate extraneous capital. No, I don't your $3 organic tomato grown halfway across the world when I get a locally grown one for $0.20; and oh yeah, the only difference is that you use 'all-natural pesticides.' People, a pesticide is a pesticide organic or otherwise, the point is to wash your veggies before you eat them no matter where they came from or how much they cost; or don't and get the trots, it's up to you. Personally, I think a touch of chemical or E.coli poisoning is an effective tool for those looking to lose a quick 5 pounds.
That being said, I read this magazine in the hopes of proving some of these opinions wrong and learning something new that can benefit my health, and also to get a good laugh from the obvious bullshit. I was immediately satisfied in the latter point when I found a short article on how egoism directly relates to poor health: "The more narcissistic a person is, the more likely she is to have health problems such as heart disease and hypertension, according to research from the University of Michigan." [July/August 2012 Issue]
Though apparently from a study at a prominent institution there's something amiss with this tid-bit; oh yes, it lacks proper analysis! Being a narcissistic asshole is not what causes these diseases, it's the unhealthy habits that correlate with self-serving egoists such as a propensity to eat whatever they want, misusing their bodies by smoking/drinking and general debauchery, the constant use of harsh chemicals in beauty products like Botox, perfumes and make-up, plastic surgery and other sketchy procedures. Most importantly, they tend to be shitty friends, so when they get sick no one is willing to help them. Also, notice the indication of 'she' in the quoted statement, that's just hilarious; bias much? Here's the catch: Who the hell is willing to admit that they're this horrible a person? Like any and all treatment plans, the first step is acceptance. Hi, I'm Summer, and I'm a narcissist. Now let the healing begin! [Honestly, I am a bit of a narcissist, but I don't think it puts me at risk for heart disease unless it inspires a subsequent addiction to bacon.]
Two points commonly brought up, both in this magazine and the 'Natural' movement en mass, which legitimately concern me are the topics of plastics and burnt food. These are things I know I should be careful about, along with meat, eggs, and milk grown in animals treated with hormones and antibiotics. The meat, milk and eggs I ensure are healthy and safe for my consumption, but at the end of the day I can't be bothered to change my habits regarding the former. I burn food. I eat out of plastic containers. I burn food in plastic containers and then eat it out of the same plastic container; and since said plastic containers are generic knock-offs of Gladware, I'm pretty sure they're rife with BPA. I pack the majority of my daily allotment of food in plastic containers 5 days a week for work, and even when I'm home I cook my oatmeal in the microwave in a plastic bowl; it's simply more convenient. Lastly, I drink tap water, unfiltered, in a 'pre-BPA-scare' Nalgene bottle. I'm living on the edge folks! By hey, if I get cancer down the road, at least I'll know why.
And don't get me started on what they say about the source and type of water you should drink, you could write the most laboriously pointless book in existence on that topic. Take home message: Get some water, I don't care where you got it or how much it cost, and put if in front of your dog. If you're dog won't drink it, neither should you.
In conclusion, here's my one and only 'Natural Health' tip: Use your common sense, there's nothing more deadly than stupidity.
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| Natural Health Website |
That being said, I read this magazine in the hopes of proving some of these opinions wrong and learning something new that can benefit my health, and also to get a good laugh from the obvious bullshit. I was immediately satisfied in the latter point when I found a short article on how egoism directly relates to poor health: "The more narcissistic a person is, the more likely she is to have health problems such as heart disease and hypertension, according to research from the University of Michigan." [July/August 2012 Issue]
Though apparently from a study at a prominent institution there's something amiss with this tid-bit; oh yes, it lacks proper analysis! Being a narcissistic asshole is not what causes these diseases, it's the unhealthy habits that correlate with self-serving egoists such as a propensity to eat whatever they want, misusing their bodies by smoking/drinking and general debauchery, the constant use of harsh chemicals in beauty products like Botox, perfumes and make-up, plastic surgery and other sketchy procedures. Most importantly, they tend to be shitty friends, so when they get sick no one is willing to help them. Also, notice the indication of 'she' in the quoted statement, that's just hilarious; bias much? Here's the catch: Who the hell is willing to admit that they're this horrible a person? Like any and all treatment plans, the first step is acceptance. Hi, I'm Summer, and I'm a narcissist. Now let the healing begin! [Honestly, I am a bit of a narcissist, but I don't think it puts me at risk for heart disease unless it inspires a subsequent addiction to bacon.]
Two points commonly brought up, both in this magazine and the 'Natural' movement en mass, which legitimately concern me are the topics of plastics and burnt food. These are things I know I should be careful about, along with meat, eggs, and milk grown in animals treated with hormones and antibiotics. The meat, milk and eggs I ensure are healthy and safe for my consumption, but at the end of the day I can't be bothered to change my habits regarding the former. I burn food. I eat out of plastic containers. I burn food in plastic containers and then eat it out of the same plastic container; and since said plastic containers are generic knock-offs of Gladware, I'm pretty sure they're rife with BPA. I pack the majority of my daily allotment of food in plastic containers 5 days a week for work, and even when I'm home I cook my oatmeal in the microwave in a plastic bowl; it's simply more convenient. Lastly, I drink tap water, unfiltered, in a 'pre-BPA-scare' Nalgene bottle. I'm living on the edge folks! By hey, if I get cancer down the road, at least I'll know why.
And don't get me started on what they say about the source and type of water you should drink, you could write the most laboriously pointless book in existence on that topic. Take home message: Get some water, I don't care where you got it or how much it cost, and put if in front of your dog. If you're dog won't drink it, neither should you.
In conclusion, here's my one and only 'Natural Health' tip: Use your common sense, there's nothing more deadly than stupidity.
