Travel Day 21: Thursday, 07/05/2014

06:30
Just got on the bus to Arlanda [Stockholm's Airport]. I decided hanging around the airport would be better because I'm pretty sure you can check in a bag for free on international flights. If not, well I'll just walk around. The only thing I wanted was coffee anyway, and they'll have that at the airport.... and water fountains! (I hope)

Ok, so the night train..... bad idea. Definitely should've sprung for a bed but anyway, it's over, plane next. We got into Stockholm at 06:00 and I went to the bus, loaded my pack and my fucking nalgene went directly underneath... awesome. So the bus driver backed up the bus so I could retrieve it. It was very nice of him. The funny thing was my thought process. At first, I thought 'fuck it, leave it,' but then I thought of the new Germany sticker and I simply couldn't leave it behind, haha. I know that's odd, but it's true.

08:33
Sitting comfortably with WiFi in the cafe/lounge of Arlanda. I can check in my pack but apparently only 2 hours before my flight? I got this from another airlines' kiosk as I didn't see one for Icelandair, so I'm going to check again soonish. For now I'm content, my breakfast was great and I surprisingly don't feel the need to move just yet. Plus, I need to charge my iPod. The airport's WiFi login page says out to login for free, haha, not hoping to turn a profit I guess.... much like the DB [German rail system].

So, Mom wrote back not understanding why I was mad... She never does/says anything right.... blah, blah (JF-like shit), blah. So I wrote her back literally detailing my logic. All I want is an apology. She never mentioned the gift.... I really don't care if I talk to her today or not.

12:50 EST / 16:50 Iceland / 18:50 Stockholm/Munich
Oh boy... How many meals do I get today? How much sleep did I get last night? I have a feeling I'm in for a world of hurt the next couple of days, but it's my goal to get up early for a jog before breakfast with MP, then heading to Jersey.

My sweet tooth got the better of me, like I knew it would. I successfully resisted at Arlanda, but I have that really annoying constant hunger that just won't quit! So, in Iceland I treated myself to an oatmeal raisin-ish cookie along with my dinner of a tandoori chicken sandwich, fruit salad and carrots. I should be good for awhile, but this (to my dismay) is a 6 hour flight and it'll take me about 1-2 hours to get my shit and get to Manhattan from JFK. At least I'm in the exit row; all that extra room I don't need :)

Mmmm, Icelandic cookie!

A truly international airplane tray display.

On the fight to Iceland I watched The Hunger Games and it was pretty good for a book-made-movie. I need to sleep on this one or I may pass out somewhere in NYC and that would be very bad. Anyway, I also treated myself to a key chain and magnet from Iceland (and got a passport stamp!) and it totaled over 1,000 Iceland dollars! I can't wait to see how much that is in USD. The cookie was really good, lots of nuts, raisins, seeds, buttery, cinnamon and nutmeg, at least it was Icelandic, haha. My body thanked me, it was stressed and needed a treat; "Little One" has now agreed to lay off until I get to MP's. She'll likely want to go out to eat or something, so I'll just get a salad... or cheesecake from Veniero's, haha. Actually, that's really the only place I'd really like to go, other than to Chinatown for good Chinese or the Indian section off Broadway [Murray Hill, also known as 'Curry Hill']... or Chipotle, haha! J/K.

I can't believe I've been gone for 3 weeks... I kinda wish now I was just going back to Denver. It's gonna be tough getting in on Sunday night and then working Monday. I have no groceries, haha. Alright, time to blow-up my pillow, take a Benny [Benadryl] and read myself to sleep.

Travel Day 20: Wednesday, 07/04/2014

08:10
At Munchen Hbf waiting for my train to Hamburg. There's so much to write now, and I'm afraid it's all philosophical; no answers, just more questions and a ton of shit to consider as I navigate the maze that is Human life trying to pick up enough 'happy points' along the way as possible. Kinda like a pac-man board, haha, happiness can be the cherries and oranges you get along the way when you make good decisions and choose the right paths. Critical note here, sometimes you can tell where it'll be and it's possible to set a course which allows you to pick it up along the way. Yes, I like that analogy!

Focus on gettin' to those Cherries!

First things first, my run this morning was amazing! It was foggy and beautiful, I ran for about 40 minutes, no music, just the sound of H2O, birds and me communicating with my Body; thanking my feet and letting them tell me where to go and for how long. It felt really good and there was a constant 'No, thank YOU!' from Body to Mind as they agreed the run was precisely what both wanted and needed. The bloat from all the salt is extreme, but I know it's just temporary, so I'm trying not to grab or pull on it, which is a pretty strange habit in general. Now I think of it though, it extends back to my fat days. I'd feel uncomfortable and grab my huge roll wishing I could just cut it off. Now, though I'm half the size I used to be, I still feel the same way and this is my #1 motivation for the surgery.

Just had my 2nd encounter with a splitting train. I had to board all the way at the back cuz the first set of Class 2-Dining-Class 1 cars is staying in Hannover, while the 2nd set continues on to Hamburg. Once again, my attention to detail serves me well.

The irony of traveling through 3 countries on my 'Motherland's' day of independence is not lost on me. In fact, I believe it directly correlates with my level of patriotism, haha.

I'm officially pissed at my Mother. I checked email and Facebook on last time this morning and still nothing, though last night she posted a pic of FB of a fucking pit that needs rescuing... WTF?! Once again, my Mother says one thing but completely contradicts herself. I got an email of how worried she was that I hadn't emailed while I was in Berlin/Heidelberg on Sat 6/30. I excitedly replied on Sun 7/1 giving her hints about her B-day gift, then Mon 7/2 - a quick note commenting 'on her being 'worried' though she hadn't written back'; Tues 7/3, another quick note asking if this was her way of getting me back and today, after I saw the FB thing, I fucking lost it, commented on the post and wrote her an email that I was super pissed and if she's so fucking worried SHE can call ME once I'm back in the States. Granted, I realize my anger is exacerbated by the fact that I was excited about the clocks and I expected (trouble here) her to write back with the same indication of excitement. Not only didn't that happen but she continued to stonewall me for 3 fucking days! Yes, it was wrong to expect a certain reaction, but no it wasn't wrong - especially give the nature of her email to me, concerning all her 'worry', to expect a reply in general. And then the affront of my knowing she can get on the internet to talk about a fucking dog, yet not bother to reply to my email?! Holy shit that pisses me off. Real worried, right?! Once again, I come second. Usually it's 2nd to the bar, which I try to understand given it's her life line, but a fucking dog?! Fuck that, it hurts, she should be more considerate. Letting this go is going to require a little more time, obviously.

Ok, now I've gotten that off my chest, phew, onto reflection time!

What I Will Miss: Everything.

I particularly love the way being here I can be quiet and not constantly be distracted by the conversation of others. It's what I wrote about previously. I believe this had to happen before I finished 'Plight of the Chronic Talker' because this was an important lesson for me. How I act versus how I'd like to act. That being said, I still said a lot of goofy, off-hand, shit but didn't get any replies because either people don't respond to that in Germany or they didn't understand me. On a basic level, pleasantries were all that were exchanged and also all that were needed for me to communicate. I like that, but it isn't something you can do unless you're in this situation. For example, once I know German I will certainly listen to others conversations; when you understand the language its more difficult to block it out. But perhaps, as it will never be my native language, I can block it better even if I can understand it, should I choose to listen. I could probably do the same with English too, but my habit is to listen in. So, would breaking that habit make me happier?

I love that no one leashes their dogs. It wasn't something I observed in only one city either, but throughout Germany. In general, you'd see dogs, even on the subway(!), without leashes; standing obediently with their owners, or wandering but always responding when spoken to. To me, this indicated good training, an absence of fear from the general populace (of being attacked by random dogs) and a very comfortable/relaxed Dog-Human dynamic. It's freedom for man and beast alike and a trust that exists naturally. I usually won't take Charlie anywhere if I have to keep him on a leash, I've never liked it. I've always preferred letting him do his thing while I do mine and when I need him, he comes; everybody's happy. In America, a dog without a least is lost or a threat, in Germany it's just a dog whose owner is close by but not concerned with what their dog is doing because they trust it and have trained it well. Yes, Charlie and I would be much happier in that environment.

What I Won't Miss:

The salty/fatty food, though this was my choice and I could easily live here and not eat like that. I rarely eat out so my diet here would be about the same though there are things I like better here, like their bread and yogurt, which is fine. Salty/fatty food is rampant in America too when you eat out! 

Disappointment: As usual, disappointment comes from expectations unfulfilled, which is my own fault, not Germany's. Admittedly, I expected (though I'm not sure why; ok, we'll call it 'wished') that I would meet a hot German, fall in love, get married and never go back. Yes, this is every bit as ridiculous as it sounds; but as it would've been the easiest way for me to stay, and I already know I'm extremely lazy in this department, I'm not at all surprised by these hopes.

Ironically, I did fall in love with a hot German and do want to marry him.... too bad he's gay and would find that request odd at best since we've only hung out 2 times, haha. Come hell or high water, though, I will see him again; either in CA in Sept or in Liverpool or somewhere else. This is actually more of a knowing. I just have a feeling about him.

No, instead I'll have to work hard to make it back here to stay and it will happen if it's meant too. I have a good plan and one that will certainly work if I want it badly enough. I'm going back without reservations, but a new goal. I can't resent my life in America, I must go back, so I will and I am; but I can also realign my habits to bring me closer to happiness and now I know that happiness involves moving abroad. I've always suspected I'd feel more at home in a different country and now I know it's true. I never suspected that country would be Germany, however, having my sights set on Scotland or New Zealand. Those places too, will likely be my home at one point or another. What this trip has really taught me is that I'm fine with being somewhere for a couple of days, then strapping everything to my back and relocating somewhere new. New people/places to see and explore. Making a home for myself with the few things I consider to be essential: clothes, food, sugar-free tablets (haha) and a journal/book... ok, and an iPod. I'm actually a bit surprised by this. I thought I'd be stressed out, but I really haven't been, at least not on a conscious plane. I've thoroughly enjoyed being so mobile and 'go with the flow'. Make a general plan for the day/area, but just ultimately doing what I feel inclined to do. In short, traveling suits me, and I especially think that it's true given my personality traits of independence and self-reliance. I like meeting up with friends, but I'm also absolutely fine on my own as well. I'll have to concentrate on how I might integrate this into my future. In this Human existence everything is connected to one thing: work (to get $ to live). Though the Germans separate their work and personal life better than Americans, it's indisputable that they couldn't live/enjoy hobbies and life in general without money, which you need to work for. So, if I want to live here, I have to work here. With regards to traveling I have 2 choices:

1) Integrate travel and work

2) Work and travel as a hobby

I can't say that I have a preference one way or another, but I think 1 is the most ideal, cuz then I could further integrate it with 2. Ok, so I lied, my preference is 1. 

As far as the nature of work goes, I could either stay with pharma (industry or clinical research) or do bar tending/waitressing. I'm willing to do the latter only while working on a permanent position within the former. I've worked too hard to live on a waitressing salary and while I like people, working in that environment is stressful, frustrating and emotionally exhausting. My preference would be Project Management within clinical research, but I'd need to monitor first; a stepping stone I'd gladly take! But I need to know languages; French and German at least, to be competitive. I'll have to determine if Rosetta Stone will be enough, or if I'll have to take classes. Step 1: Finish German Rosetta Stone, if it works get upper levels for French, if I need more to be fluent, sign up for conversational classes at CU Boulder. Meanwhile, I need to really work my pharma connections and build my resume/experience at Amgen. That what I call a solid plan!

Dedicate extra time for/Balance:

1) Training Schedule for Running

2) Learning German

3) Social Time with Friends

Here's something to consider (!): if I get a position at Amgen and get trained to audit, I can use that for my resume to become a monitor! I could definitely deal with California for 2-3 years for that silver lining, easily. I'm suddenly extremely grateful that I'm so young...  I can get to my projected career path to Monitor by 30, and then hopefully make it to PM by 35. Yes, this is my ultimate goal: International Project Manager for Pharmaceutical Clinical Research (and Marathon Runner :)... and fluent in French and German) WOOT!

[Back to the Future: Well... I'm 30 and my new plan is that I have a one year visa and a one-way ticket to New Zealand; I don't give a shit where I work or how much money I make, I just want to live abroad and I'm finally going to do it!]

11:02

I was just thinking about the thing with Mom and trying to remind myself that I have to choose to love her despite it and accept that I can't control her actions. It sucks that I feel upset about getting her that clock when I'm not, nor will I ever, really be a priority in her life. It's not about money, rather that clock and the financial sacrifices I made indicates how much she means to me (in light of this I guess it' appropriate that I bought myself a clock that cost more, haha, as I should be and am my #1 priority). This exacerbates my already deeply inlaid belief that words mean nothing to me, they can't be trusted and this is precisely how I learned/came to believe that! She said she was worried, but her actions indicate the very opposite. To me, this is illogical which upsets and confuses me and in the end I take away two things: 1) Words have no meaning, 2) You can't trust what others say. 

Oh, and I'd better write this too before I conveniently leave it out, push it down/ignore it: DJ (CJ's Stepmother) commented on my FB status regarding my travels back to the US. She said it seemed I had a good trip and wished me safe travels back; very nice. But I can't help but wonder, does she and CJ's Dad even know? Surely they must... but I can't be 100% certain. It's just a reminder of that f'ed up situation, though I do greatly appreciate her positive energy and well wishes, I'm not to know her as I once would have. Our paths no longer cross and won't, she must know that and feel sad about it on some level and wishes me well to indicate such. It does me no good to analyze such things, but that's what helps me separate and organize my own emotions so I can learn and file it away; so there you have it. I could've unfriended everyone from that part of my life, but chose not to and certainly PM (CJ's Mother) unfriended me or she would have been commenting on everything left and right. I have nothing to regret, no resentments against the people; there is no blame. I guess it just seems so strange and distant now. She's effectively a stranger to me, yet obviously a good person with good intentions.... or she could be rubbing this all in his face. I sincerely hope the former is true, but I'll never know.

One thing is for sure, had we still been together, this trip - in the capacity it took place and needed to take place - would never have happened. The palm reader, all those years ago, foreshadowed my sadness and tole me I'd need something like this; alone. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to know myself, how to address my thoughts/feelings/emotions, and best yet, how to get answers when I'm confused or uncertain. Truly best of all, realizing that sometimes there aren't any answers, you just have to be courageous, have faith and move forward towards happiness the best way that I can. I am certainly a different and better person than I've ever been and the transition to this state was painful, but like getting a tattoo, that pain has faded and the memory now seems distant, like I've always been this way. It's not that I was, rather it's how I can be sure it's how I was meant to be. I'm on the right path and I'm fulfilling my contract. This brings great peace of mind and all I can say is thank you and bring on the next round!

18:00
Just crossed via the ferry into Denmark. I had to change trains in Pultgarden due to a technical issue with the other train. While crossing I took advantage of the space to walk around as much as possible but spent a lot of time watching the water, it turned into a kind of meditation and I found myself considering feelings regarding leaving Germany and I surprisingly almost cried. The only way I can bare it is in knowing that it's temporary. I thought of returning to Stuttgart and my heart instantly filled with happiness. It's bitter sweet that I've found home and had to leave it again so soon; but to know, in this expansive world that there is such a place, brings me peace as well. Also, it makes me glad that all those years I never quite felt I was in the right place were not in vain; it was not just adolescent finickiness, a consequence of small-town living, rather a justified knowing that my true home lies elsewhere.

Why Germany Feels Like Home:
- Streets I can naturally navigate
- The green of the trees
- The moisture of earth and air
- The people I can be comfortable and quiet with
- The paths that naturally call me to run
- The food that clearly communicates (for better or worse, haha) with my Body
- The sound of birds and water
- The slugs and snails (j/k)
- The country within the city, there is always an escape (Holy shit, I went through both of my red pens on this trip! [The writing continues in black])
- The inspiration and intuition which seems to naturally find me here, because here I can breath, relax and think, because here I am home and can be whole

What's not to love about gigantic cannabalistic slugs and snails?

21:33

Ok, was just thoroughly confused at the train station, but per an attendant, I'm now on the 21:32 train to Lund C. Two trains were leaving at 21:52, one to Malmo and the other to Helsingor; neither mentioned Lund. I tried looking at the map but didn't see Lund anywhere and all the info booths were closed. I saw a long-haired dude with a DSB shirt so I asked him and he told me to take the train to Malmo and said the other went in the wrong direction. So, I headed down to track 5, on the other platform (#6) I looked over and saw it was the 21:32 to Helsingor and it also said Malmo, etc. I asked the train attendant about my ticket and she said to take this train to Lund C, so I did, haha. Oh boy, it's a bit late in the game to miss a train now! Anyway, I'm on my way to Lund (hopefully) where I'll catch my next train to Stockholm.... finally.

Since I had time to kill in Koebenhavn I walked around the train station, went to 7-11 for a 'diet Sprite' danish style which is called Faxe Kondi Free (it's good, but the first taste you get is salt, then you get the lemon-lime, more like 7-Up than Sprite), and a banana chocolate crisp protein bar (I couldn't resist) and some spicy/hot beef jerky (again, a known weakness and favorite travel companion). Then, anxious to walk while I could, I went outside for a walk around and I'm glad I did! It didn't seem nearly as disgusting as I remember. In fact, I saw plenty of pretty/old architecture and other fun stuff. So, I at least partially retract my previous dislike of Koebenhavn, and I'll attribute it to hunger more than anything, and that the rain made everything look/feel a bit foul. When I came back I wanted to use the bathroom and couldn't figure out why my 10 krona piece wouldn't work as the price was 5. Well, it occurred to me, as 2 other ladies were waiting.... that I was attempting to put Swedish krona in a Danish machine; wrong country! Haha, that was fun... and the lady behind me thankfully gave me the money. So nice of her!

Danish bathroom vending machines sure are interesting!

I hope I actually sleep on the night train.... we'll see.

Travel Day 19: Tuesday, 07/03/2014

10:20 [Link to All Pics]
Great morning so far! I stopped (am currently) at Cafe Munich around the LMU campus for a bit of a rest and a cappuccino before heading into the park.

I started out taking the U3 to Odeonsplatz and walked through Maximilianplatz, saw the obelisk at Karolinenplatz, continued to Konigsplatz and saw the 3 different 'Pinakothek' buildings. I couldn't figure out the need for 3 varieties (Neue, Alte and der Moderne) until I realized that a pinakothek is an art gallery, haha; now it makes sense. I then continued up to LMU, which is a cool campus, the archway with the lion chariot was awesome! and now I'll have a nice long walk through the Englischer Garten. After I have my fill there, later I'd like to go back down to the one downtown walk-street that I missed yesterday (Theatinerstrausse) and perhaps walk south along the river. The European Parliament and Museuminsel (museum island) is down that way and it would be cool to walk about the island (Erhardtstrausse between Boschbrucke and Cornelius). Actually that's really close to the other restaurant I wanted to try (Wirtshaus Zum Straubinger) on Blumenstrausse/Mullerstrausse, so I'll try to head that way for dinner.

Oh, I just saw there's a walkway connecting Schwindinsel and Museuminsel, so I'll do that then go see parliament. Not bad for only having 2 days and a heel that is threatening to dislocate from the rest of my body!

My shorts got disgusting somehow, but I think the mystery will be easy to solve since I've pissed in parks at least 3 times today already. Ok, feeling refreshed and caffeinated. Off to the park.

It was like being in the middle of a deep forest, but you're in Munich!

This is one of the Park's main attractions, inspired by Chinese architecture.

14:45
A slight disappointment turned out to be a pleasant surprise! After the park and island walks I decided I'd rather have something different than more salty German food. Remembering the Afghani restaurant during my walk along Sendlinger between Sendlinger Tor and Marienplatz, I headed there. Unfortunately they close between 14:30 and 18:00 so I just missed lunch, I rather eat something now and have a very small dinner, so I set out for something else. Oh, and after 18:00 the price gets huge! Instead I found an interesting little place with pizza called 'Copa' and the guy is so friendly! I'm getting a 'salat pizza' with tandoori chicken, basil, tomato, mushrooms, mozzarella and 'colors' (that's verbatim), this was his idea and exactly what he wrote on my slip, haha. It'll be a lot less [money] and better for me too. Hooray!

The park was absolutely gigantic and beautiful and the islands were nice too. That really beautiful church that reminds me of the Berlin Cathedral is called Mariannenplatz. After this I need to head back to the tourist spot for something for Charlie's sitter, something better than the magnet; and ok, I'll admit that I want it for me, haha.

Mariannenplatz

I went into Galeria earlier to look around and go to the bathroom and if I'm not going to hell over the Heidelberg magnet, I'm definitely going now. I picked up a container of mixed fruit because there was something in there that looked really like kiwi but bigger and it was the color of a beet. I opened it, ate the fruit while looking around, then threw out the container. Something I picked up from one of my Mother's ex-boyfriends, haha. Yeah, cuz he was a huge influence on my life [sarcasm], but he did leave an impression when I saw him eat chips and drink a soda while shopping then not pay for them. It's something I've done more than a couple of times since.

Anyway, there's that thief again? I also thought: false sense of entitlement, aka Athlete? I think I should attribute that less to the Athlete archetype and more to the Asshole, haha. Hey, Caroline missed a key universal archetype; the Asshole! Newly inducted in the 20th-21st century.... perhaps I should write to her.

Gonna bum around after this, I officially feel satisfied with seeing Munich and I have to find a Rewe or some other kind of grocery store. I'm pretty sure there's one around the hostel.

Ok, this may seriously be the best fucking pizza I've ever had. I'm not even kidding. This chicken is awesome and the 'colors' were fresh chives, red and yellow pepper, and it's huge. I'm taking half home for dinner and also I'm flanked by smoking Italians.... so I don't want to eat more.

18:20

And I successfully saved it for dinner and didn't get gelato! Yay me!

Holy freaking exhausted! While walking back from grocery shopping and meandering/mapping out a running path for the morning, I saw the same 2 old Asian women I roomed with in Fussen! I swear it was them... Thank God I have my own room here, haha; I don't know which one was the snorer, but I had great sleep last night and want to keep it up, especially since I'll be on trains/planes for the next 2 days.

So, due to my belly and having time to burn, I decided to walk around this area only to find that it's a huge park with lots of running trails! Since I have to sit all damn day tomorrow I'm going running in the morning, but it'll have to be really early (05:00), cuz I need to be ready for breakfast and such to leave for Hbf.

I know it's bad, but I'm gonna leave some non-essentials behind to lighten my pack and make room for some food, haha. I bought carrots, apples, bananas, a green pepper and low fat milk drinks for the next 2 days. I'll get bread and other stuff from breakfast tomorrow. My squirreling abilities are unparalleled! Geez, I need to get my pack in order and such but my feet aren't allowing me to put any weight on them! I seriously think I heard them just tell me to fuck off. I better be nice and listen so we can run tomorrow.

I really can't get over how kick ass that pizza was... talk about an unexpected treat!

Ok; got rid of a considerable amount of shit. I should be able to put the food containers in the pack. Plan for tomorrow:

05:00-06:00 - Run/Jog

06:00-07:00 - Shower/Final Pack

07:30 - Head to Hbf

Trains: 

1) München (ICE 09:05) to Hamburg (14:54)

2) Hamburg (ICE 15:28) to Kobenhavn H (20:16)

3) Kobenhavn H (21:52) to Lund C (Tag 1106 22:40)

4) Lund C (22:55) to Stockholm C (Tag 2, Vagn 6 Platz 39 06:30)

- Tool around Stockholm for a bit/stretch my legs, go to a grocery store and get stuff for breakfast and lunch

- Take bus to Arlanda around 10:00 for my 14:00 flight to JFK via Reykjavik 

Travel Day 18: Monday, 07/02/2012

07:40 Fussen [Link to Fussen Pics]
I had trouble sleeping again last night. Though the other Asians left, one of the new ones also has a powerful septum it seems. It didn't take me long to realize thought that I was just cranky cuz of buzzing mosquitos and severe hunger pains. At 2am I gave in and had a protein bar while messing around on the internet for awhile. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at my ravenous hunger after yesterday... but the fear. I just repeated the calm/relax, sleep, mantra until I was out and slept well after that.

Ok, so while walking to the castles yesterday I had clear visions of CJ, 1) him looking up at me from his station at Starbucks and 2) him giving me one of his goofy wave/smile combos. Yes, I miss him and for some reason, related or otherwise, Whitney Fucking Houston's 'I Will Always Love You' has been in my head.

Will I ever be over this? It is really just a hard habit to break? Though these visions wreck me because I resist them, don't want them, they no longer (and haven't for awhile) inspire strong feelings of regret, guilt or sadness. So why are they coming up? What lesson have I missed that cause my memory to replay these things? I need your help. Is it related to something else that popped in yesterday? When I mysteriously heard myself say: "oh, I'm not 'relationship material'"?

I know it's not true, but when I love, I love with a devotion that is unparalleled and I'm afraid of getting into that situation again, until I learn to balance my tendency for extremes better; until I learn to let go of control and be respectful of others' independent wills and intuitions. I know the only way to really practice is to have another relationship.... which brings me to a dream I had about 2-3 nights ago and meant to write down but didn't.

I was with my regular friends and a new comer, it seemed, and we were getting to know each other. I remember he was tall, light, not particularly hot, but extremely kind and caring. I was pulling my "these things happened, but I'm over it," tough girl act, which I think everyone sees through except my own ego, and he was sympathetic. Actually, now I think of it, it was exactly how I felt when SR looked at me in the elevator during our first good-bye; that sympathetic look like he could see it all despite my act. Huh. Anyway, I made the first move, just a small one, I put my hand on his leg or something and he took it in his in return; I immediately felt the connection, then the dream was over.

Obviously, I got 'I make the first move' significance because this is something my paralyzing fear of rejection makes damn near impossible. I have to think more on this, but it seems that I won't forget CJ and that fear until I courageously forge ahead. Right now I'm caught in the limbo of transformation and I need to find the Soul that will help me complete my metamorphosis, which I believe also involves moving here, abroad. To do this however, I need to be open, listen closely to my intuition and above all, courageously put forth my emotional debilitations.

11:05
Caught the earlier train to Munchen since I got done with my final tour of Fussen a bit early. The cemetery was gorgeous and the walkways are always nice. I really want to know why the Lech River is that color though! It can't be natural....

The River was a pale green color

Extremely well decorated graves!

A vending machine for devotional candles; interesting concept......

So, I got part of the answer, I've transformed as much as I can on my own. Now I have to trust that God will bring a person to help me further into my life. Until then I wait, practicing my principles, being courageous with my faults and fears and with all my senses and intuition alert. Now that country song 'Meet in the Middle' by Alabama (?) is in my head, haha. Significant? For me, definitely; the middle is a tough ground to find.

I'm still wicked excited about my cuckoo clock. The houses here actually look like the clock, but even with them being so rural and small they have solar panels (most, at least). We seem to be too far behind [in America] : /

18:00 Munich [Link to Munich Pics]
At Hofbrauhaus mit und Grobe (Mas) Hofbrau Drunkel Bier (1 Litre!) I ordered meatloaf and potato salad with a bread basket which has a little of everything. Woot.

BOOM

I was really ready to sit. I've been walking for about 3 hours and I'll have another nice walk (or stumble) after dinner. It's a gorgeous city. Most of tomorrow will be devoted to the Englischer Garten, which is basically the size of fucking Manhattan.

Service in Germany is funny and this place is so huge. You basically sit somewhere and pray someone spots you. I approached a waiter eventually and he told me to move to his section and he'd serve me, and I did. Oh dear, about 5 sips in and I can already feel it.

By far the strangest thing I've seen so far was the random statue in Promenade-Platz ordained with MJ memorabilia and Christ-like alters and offerings. It was funny, but also creepy and sad. And why that statue? Did he once visit and like that one especially? I will never know....

The Germans seem to revere MJ as much as David Hasselhoff

I'm really glad I decided to just stay in Munich tomorrow. I could easily be here for a week and not see everything I'd like.

Woah, ok, German meatloaf does not equal American meatloaf. What I have before me is effectively a huge piece of bologna/Spam. It tastes good though... and salty. The potato salad is great, vinegar/mustard and onion-y. The bread and pretzels are still warm and now I have some mustard. Yay. Definitely better with some mustard to cut the saltiness.

I definitely didn't realize I had ordered a huge slice of fucking Spam...

I just took a pic of a kid who is 21 if I'm 12 years old. Also, I just saw 2 Asians get the big beers, haha, this oughta be good.

19:35
A family of 4 sat next to me and I felt damned awkward being alone, which isn't like me, but I must've looked sad. I damn near left without paying and left a third of the Bier, but I did pay. Now I'm at a nice little cafe (Vee) with a cappuccino and a delicious piece of caramel/nut cake. Going real light tomorrow! And, I'm gonna sightsee a bit more and walk back to the hostel. My feet (especially my left heel) are killing me, haha. This cake is worth the indulgence, it's buttery and has coconut so it must at least be some rendition of German chocolate cake.

I won't lie, I'm not excited to go back to the States, but I'm also not interested in staying here alone either. It is time, time for me to get over it and move on. Yes, I may get my heart broken again, but my contract certainly requires me to transform via the energy of others. My own energy needed serious adjusting and I mended it the best I could alone, now it's time to meet and engage with my next contractor. I have a feeling it'll have something to do w/ SR, or it's just wishful thinking, haha. Hard to tell, it's too early to know. I trust everything will happen as, and when, it should.

Ok, just got the low-down on the MJ tribute from the barista. Apparently he stayed in the hotel across from it [the statue] a lot. Coincidentally, it's the most expensive and famous hotel in Munich. They're playing a CD here that's U2 and Sting re-done to latin beats and even translated into Spanish, haha, it's actually quite nice. I should also mention that I came here because I couldn't find the one from Trip Advisor, haha. But it's nice and warm. Stupidly, I didn't bring my hoodie and it's misty/rainy and cold now : ( That's what I get. Ok, me, my H2O/Drunkel baby and my caffeinated legs are off!

22:00
I just got back about 15 minutes ago, haha. The walk started out great, I walked through another really cool cemetery, and I remembered that Thalikirschstasse (T) would basically take me all the way there, well that fucking street is like the Bermuda Triangle! I can't even remember how may times I found myself at [the corner of] T and T, but it was at least 4 times. Two of the times was because I had to walk around some type of huge and creepy compound.... either an army base or concentration camp; what's the difference really? I had walked so far and gotten so turned around that I was stoked to finally see a U-bahn station. It was the one that was only 1 stop away on the U3 from the hostel's stop, so I said "Fuck it, I'm walking"! I was so determined/committed at that point I couldn't bare taking the train for only one stop. I figured I was lost beyond all hope... maybe even in a different country, haha. Anyway, by he time I saw landmarks which indicated I was close, I was literally saying things out load (to myself or whomever, the road, Germany in general): "Fuck you, I win!" It makes me think of NS; something she would say.

I really love cemeteries.

Anyway, I made it, stayed in the lobby a bit to update Facebook (check-in and meatloaf comment), bitch at Mom for not writing back, emailed MP (I think, I guessed her address), and also watched two chicks from a German version of Sparkle Motion do some squirrely dance moves.

My tired feet barely took me upstairs and I realized... My room has it's own shower/bathroom and it's just me!! Oh, the luxury! No Asians, no creeping about trying to be quiet.

Tomorrow I'd like to walk along the river to the Garden, but I want to at least find a train station near the river to start from. I thought I'd walk the whole way, but after tonight - fuck that. Still, I'm grateful to burn off some of the damage and now I just have to pound H2O and wait for the salt to cycle through. I'm so bloated and full of H2O I can feel my skin (hands, feet, belly, legs) stretching. Oh, Germany, how you tempt me into indulgence! Last day to do that is tomorrow though. Let's see how I fare : )

Travel Day 17: Sunday, 07/01/2012

09:40 [Fussen Pics]
My tour at Schloss Hohenschwangau [Castle H] starts in 10 minutes! Then my tour at the other castle is at 12:05. Perfect timing :) The walk here was gorgeous; there's so many slugs and meadows of flowers and dense trees, it's all so gorgeous. The castles have obviously been redone, but they still look great and there's cuckoo clock shops.

On the trail

Schloss Hohenschwangau

I decided to empty my pack and use that today, it's way better than the purse. I also brought my pedometer for S&G then had the genius idea to reset the time and use it as a watch; and it's much more accessible than the iPod. All the trail times on the map are for old people apparently cuz I do them in half the time. I may walk around the lake (Alpsee) or I think there's a trail that actually crosses the Austrian border! I'm going to ask and if it does, I'm all over it. Tour time.

13:22
I'm even ahead of schedule, I'm amazing! and utterly fucking exhausted... After the first tour, which was cool, a good length though others said it was short and disappointing. Any longer and I would've been bored and antsy. Schloss H has obviously been redone and has really lost any feeling that it's even old, but there was cool shit inside. It's privately owned by the duke so no pics (in either castle). After that tour I hauled ass around the lake trail and did it in about an hour, then had to basically run all the way straight up to the other castle, making my tour with about 2 minutes to spare. It was a gorgeous hike though.

Both castles from the other side of Lake Alpsee; N on the left and S on the right.

Castle N from Castle S; notice how far up I had to hike. It was a good thing I live in Colorado at the time!

Castle N from the bridge over the gorge.

Schloss Neuschwanstein [Castle S] was WAY cooler and it's the one Disney modeled. It wasn't finished because they stopped construction when Ludwig died, still absolutely tits though. That one bridge was over a fucking gorge, so I went and took 3 pics and ran off the damn thing. Now I'm having my 2nd sandwich and resting before my trek down to Altstadt. Quite a haul today!

So, this place is fucking packed with Asians. It's crazy. Sadly, I found my stress elevating as I was surrounded by more Americans; always negatively criticizing or making extremely obvious statements. I kept my mouth shut and hoped to God no one thought I was also American. Sad, but true.

I have all Asian hostel-mates and for small people, damn do they snore loudly! I doubt I got over 3-4 hours of sleep, haha. Those are my racisms, Americans and Asians. I oughtn't have any; now there's a life long goal. As concerns Americans, I just feel resentful for the way they act and knowing I'm like that too and I don't want to be. This requires acceptance that I need God's help with. One day at a time. For now, I'm just really happy I'm here and having this opportunity.

16:00
And thank you once again God! Literally, right after I wrote that above I struck up a conversation with 4 girls studying abroad in France from Georgia Tech. They looked so young! They were really nice girls and I enjoyed talking to them; ok, ok, so not all Americans are horrible, haha. I think it's just that the 2 guys on the tour of Schloss N with me were so typical white guy-mundane. I'm just so desperate for something/someone/someplace different. It's unfair for me to blame my dislike of my old habits, the ordinary, on them or anyone else.... like turbo-engine snoring Asians.

So.... now for the coolest part. I bought Mom a cuckoo clock at the shop I saw across from the ticket sales building! Not only did I get Mom one, but I got one too!! Mom's is red and has a St. Bernard on it; mine is green with a guy drinking bier, haha. Both are hand crafted, all wood, authentic German cuckoos made in the Black Forest! Best of all, since I shipped them to Mom in the US, they took off the 19% German tax and added a $35 shipping charge, so I ended up saving like $30 [on each]. Sweet, yay! I was so excited I had a smile on my face all 5 km back to Fussen.

Now I'm at Aquila Restaurant enjoying a cappuccino and a wonderful pasta Italy-meets-India dish with turkey breast, broccoli, asparagus, zucchini, peas, chives, tomato, peppers and carrots, covered in a delicious curry cream sauce. Since it's only 16:11, I will still have plenty of time to go see the church though it is kinda rainy/cold now. My feet are going to deserve a break tonight! According to my pedometer I've walked 13.36 miles today. Woot.

I think the key to satiety and health is milk fat. I've been eating a lot of it and it's great fuel!

Oh goodness, 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' just came on, haha. Wow, I was gonna have dessert but it's so early and that was so filling (I'm feeling too good to ruin it with guilt). My tummy is happy, so I'm calling it good. I just saw there's a walkway, 'Konig Ludwig Promenade', right to the cemetery. Werd.

I literally can't wait to tell Mom to expect her B-day surprise in 3-4 weeks via DHL. Then I'll impatiently have to wait to bring home my own clock!

18:32
I went to the souvenir shop to finish shopping and by the time I was done it was a freezing downpour. Since I was in cloth short-shorts and a tank top, I bee-lined it for the hostel. It's cleared up a bit, so I may go back out to the cemetery.

Tomorrow: Fussen (RE 08:06) to Munich (10:06)

Gift Inventory:
Dad - Swedish guitar pick
Step-Mom - Schloss N keychain
Gramma - Swedish keychain
Mom - Shotglass
Sis - German pants coin purse and Cow soap
Bro In-Law - Das Boot shotglass
Younger Niece - Teddy bear thing
Older Niece - Schloss N tea set
Nephew - Schloss N bier mug set
Mom's BF - Swedish mini mug
Charlie's Sitter - Cuckcoo clock magnet

Now I'm re-thinking my travel plans. Munich to Berchtesgarten is 3 hours, each way. Munich to Nuremberg is only 1.5 hours OR I could just use the free travel day on the S bahn and further explore Munich. That way I can leave Fussen a little later tomorrow as well.... oh the options! I would really like to explore the cemetery and I could take the morning to do it justice and store my stuff in a lockers downstairs while I'm out. Hmmm, that definitely sounds less stressful... I'll be honest, my feet are done for the day and Munich is supposed to be awesome, so I think I should have more time there. And, this way I won't have to pay to store my pack at Munich Hbf. Ok, I've obviously talked myself into it! I need to go check out those lockers though and be sure I can use one until noon or so...

20:57
.... Sure can, then I was able to get online, so I just wasted about 2 hours. I'm feeling guilty for eating an apple, piece of Valrhona and small luna bar. Why?! I was gonna get dessert and didn't; no, I'm proud, damn proud!

Tentative plan for tomorrow:
06:30-07:30 Shower/store pack/breakfast
07:30-11:30 1) König Ludwig Promenade and cemetery, 2) Ziegetangerweg/Ziegelberg
12:06 Train to Munich, arrive 14:04

Woot!

Travel Day 16: Saturday, 06/30/2012

9:32
Enjoyed a nice run (about 6-7 km) and some yoga, then had breakfast with an older lady whose son is in the hospital here. There's a lady in my room in the same situation, so I guess it's common here. Repeated my breakfast from yesterday, it's just so damned good! and snagged 2 rolls (multigrain and poppy seed) for the road/tracks.

It's so incredibly perfect outside! That's how I  met the lady, I wanted to sit outside but all the tables were full, so I asked to sit with her. Her english was good but she either missed things I said or is like Gramma because I had to repeat some of the things I had already told her earlier. She was surprised that I was alone and wanted to be, and didn't believe that I had largely relied on myself instead of my parents - she insisted that my parents raised me and it made me realize that I really don't think they did. True, they offered me their own variety of guidance, and my basic needs, but I don't feel they 'raised' me. Now I think of it though, that's exactly how parents should be, not aloof, but also not too involved as self-identity for both parent and child is critical for Human sanity. This is what IW and I were talking about on the bus last night. What does it even mean to 'raise' a child? There's certainly no clear right or wrong way to do it. For my part, I'm inclined now more than ever to say my parents did a great job. They had significant flaws they never tried to hide and I learned from negative attributes as much as their positive [behaviors] along with the love they offered. And especially now, seeing how strong and independent I am, I'm faced with having to admit that a combo of all our personalities  created one kick-ass person! Huh, that's a different way of looking at it. Take that shadow Abandoned Child! [I'm referring to the negative aspect of an archetype that leaves me with a chronic fear of abandonment]

Ok, have to pack up and head to the hauptbanhof :)

15:40 Train to Munchen
Lunch:
SR - "Schwabenteller"Zwei Schweinemedaillons vonn Grill mit Frischen Champignons in Rahn, Bube-Spitzle, Geschmalzten Maultaschle und Butterspatzel (Literal: 2 Pork filets, grilled, with fresh mushrooms in cream sauce with Bubespitzle, like french fry/dumplings, Maultaschen and spatzle with butter and orange breadcrumbs)

Me - Zwiebelrostbraten "Schwäbische Art" mit Sauerkraut, Maultaschle und Butterspatzel
Without realizing it, I essentially ordered the beef covered in onions dish again, but it also came with Saurkraut, deliciously salty and made with bacon I think, and Maultaschen, which was a bit different than Todi's version. I like it better as it was steamed and more of a whole component, not cut up into pieces and pan fried like Todi's rendition.

Speaking of which, I was initially trying to get us to Todi's but I wasn't sure exactly where it was, though I knew we were close, so we went to a great place by a fountain. SR said the entrees were typical Bavarian and I'd see the same in Munchen, but added the Maultaschle was a Sweibien kick. He was satisfied cuz he wanted traditional Maultaschle and wheat beer (can't quite remember the German name, but it effectively sound like 'white' Bier) and I like unfiltered wheats so I had 2 myself. An enormous, salty, fucking phenomenal meal, 2 x 500mL wheat beers and 30 Euro later and I'm on the train to Munchen, then Fussen, already missing SR. I'm in love with him! I want to try to meet him when he's in California in September and he's going to be my reference for my clinical research European applications; namely Sanofi, Paraxel and Pzifer. I also saw Bayer, so I should try that one too. Also - all the chemical suppliers (do an SAP search for DE [code for Germany in Amgen's computer system]) like BASF and others.

SR's mother is actually an MRI tech for MS research studies!! How crazy is that?! Anyway, we had a great lunch and we get along so easily with one another. He's beautiful inside and out and we're obviously like-minded. He even complained about the lack of open dialogue in the UK. Apparently, like in the US, people only talk about weather and other mundane shit to avoid all possibilities of offending anyone. Also, our 'partners' were both sensitive and we found it difficult to determine what they wanted, having to guess cuz they weren't direct, and in general find double-speak and indirectness abhorrent. Now here's someone I can relate to!

I feel keenly for him as he told me about 2 weeks ago (must have been right after I met him), he and his partner decided to take a break. Because of the financial investment, they're still going to take the trip together in September and see how it goes from there. I wished him all the best and conveyed my sincerest hopes that it works out for the best either way, and told him that he'll obviously know what's best after being together for so long. It's certainly not for me to form an opinion!

Also, as he doesn't care for 'Queens' for the same reason I don't like feminists (perpetuation of negative stereotypes), I told him I would pay the money to go to San Francisco and go to a gay bar with him because he is going to be absolutely inundated with Queens. It's going to be hilarious. I'm too out of my 'Fag-Hag' practice to manage that cluster fuck!

Oh dear, my water baby has turned into twin bier babies, haha. Now, the key is to have an apple and mini-luna bar for dinner instead of a chocolate torte, chocolate drink, falafel pita and schnitzel, haha. Dear lord, how I let shit get out of hand!

Actually, that was the best part of our conversation. He mentioned how America was a land of extremes and I found myself agreeing and adding that I myself, to a fault, tend to go to extremes. Then I had one of those lightbulb moments and said that's why I wanted to come here so badly. I somehow strike a balance here, especially with regards to food (no checking nutrition facts or caring if the yogurt I eat in the morning is fat free, or that my salad comes dressed or my spatzle is covered in fucking butter, not hesitating to order a beer with my meal; no counting in general or at the very least less than normal), and he added that Germans also strictly separate personal lives from work lives. This is critical as I know all too well! Ultimately I found what I said to be true; I have no 'German habits' as I do in America. It's like the talking thing I was writing about before. Moving here is my chance to start over and be careful in the new habits I form, avoiding old/negative ones; leaving those associated with the American-Summer [in my past]. Effectively, I could reinvent myself.

I ran out of water... not good, and I didn't get a ticket for free water like before, boo. I guess I'll just have to stay buzzed a bit longer, haha. I'm just so thankful to have met SR, and IW too, and look forward to opportunities of seeing them again. I will go back to the States, knowing its temporary, and with new resolve. Run, learn, Germany, my new mantra.

Oh and SR and I like the same TV shows! Big Bang, Queer as Folk and Macgyver, haha. Yes, I would/will definitely take a flight to LA or San Fran to meet him there. And I realized something else great: I'll get paid for July 4th! So there's another $150 added to my account. I'll be interested to see how much this trip ends up costing me..... It doesn't matter, I will be richer as a result; I already am with the friends I've made, the food I've eaten and the things I've seen. There's no monetary value on those things, they are priceless.

Oh geez, I just flipped through my book and saw HS's info then thought of her 'arrangement' with her friend's cousin. Is it wrong that I really want to ask SR if he'll marry me? I'm not even kidding.... is that bad? Is that my surprise?! It would be a dream come true, I'd be delighted to spend the rest of my life with him, even without sex. One more thing, just in case I haven't adequately beaten the dead horse. SR took his pic in a photo booth cuz he needed a monthly transportation pass in Stuttgart, he showed it to me complainingly along with a pic of him at 18 (he seriously looked like a 12 year old with geek glasses) and I joked with him, but honestly I thought he looked hot in his pics. I showed him my drivers license and he said he could tell I was thinner in the face now. I mentioned that I think I looked healthier/better then at a higher weight and he said I looked better now, perfect for my height and had a pretty face in general. He's one of the only people who has said that I looked better now, I'm used to people 'worrying' about me now because they're used to the old me. This, more than the 'pretty' comment, which I actually didn't really register until now, made me love him more. Then, when we were waiting for my train I realized my passport photo would definitely make him feel better, and it did! He laughed and said he wouldn't even know it was me. It truly is a horrible picture, haha. Then my train arrived and we hugged a good-bye, lingered a bit (I'm not imagining this) and made promises of keeping in touch. I'm just starting to realize now that we definitely registered a mutual, non-superficial if not deep, connection. There is something to this.... thank you.

19:00

An hour to go on this wretched train! No A/C.... so hot.... wind from windows not enough.... couldn't fill Nalgene so I had to pay 3.15Euro for a 1L bottle of Avian.... Boo Hoo. There's sweat dripping off the place where my skin on the back of my legs are touching the seat.... awesome. A bug bit my neck.... Conclusion: Regional trains aren't fun - I happened to see a fucking Aldi's of all stores right next to the train stop for Kaufering. I didn't realize it at first, but I looked at the map and Fussen is damn near the Austrian border. Cool.

I love that my directions say to walk west from Fussen Hbf; I wish I had a compass! Maybe there'll be a huge pic/statue of Arnold Schwartzenegger indicating the border of Austria, then I'll know that's South. The train is headed South, so I guess I'll just have to make a note of West when I exit the train and try not to get turned around.

I can't believe the German PT system's economy hasn't completely crashed. I bought the 24 hour bus/train pass for Heidelberg, but as I suspected, I could've just hopped on and off at will, no one checked my ticket once! (same as in every other place) I hate to take advantage but.... ok, that's obviously a lie. I may actually have the thief archetype.... I stole a magnet in Heidelberg.... I should feel worse than I do, which is not at all. Karma dictates I will likely have something stolen from me, so I must be prepared to take responsibility. These are good lessons.

I just finished The Hunger Games and the last chapter was fairly emotionally exhausting because she struggles to grieve for her sister's death. To be fair, I'm also hot, dehydrated, stuffed, constipated (surprise, surprise) and coming down off the 1L of bier. That's what I signed up for, but enjoying lunch with SR was 150% worth it! Oh! and I forgot to add that we passed Todi's on the way back to the Hbf! It's just around the corner from the place we all had dessert the first night I met him. We had a great laugh at that. But we both agreed our lunch was superior in every respect.

During lunch SR reached out and touched my shoulder and asked "what do you call these?" At first I thought, tattoos? Celtic Cross? cuz I thought that's what he pointed to, but then he said "No, the brown spots." I laughed and said freckles, yes, I have so many on my shoulders I just look really tan, it's just one big mass of freckles. He said they're called 'Summer spots' in Germany, haha; makes sense to me!

Wow, I'm seriously in the middle of nowhere... tits. IS told me the castle in Fussen is the one Disney based his off and one of the oldest in the world. No matter the cost, I'm going in!

21:51

Well, it's nice to be still while writing, but I'm in the dungeon of this hostel waiting for clothes to dry, which I just washed. I was outside, and was going to write there, but I was literally eaten alive by mosquitos! I forgot how annoying those bites were. There's supposedly free wifi here but I can't seem to sign on.... oh well.

So, where's here? One of the most fucking beautiful towns I've ever seen, that's where [Pic Link]. It didn't take long after I last wrote to notice I could begin to see the Alps in the distance and the scenery was quickly changing to forest, farms and grazing pastures with sparse, beautiful, homes and lots of very tiny towns. The mountains come on very fast. At first I thought they were snow capped, but then I realized that it was actually the light color of the rock the mountains are made of; something I'd never considered. The cows are very light tan here, I wonder if they taste better, haha.

Views from the train

I was going to head into Fussen's Altstadt after checking in but decided to plan for tomorrow and wash clothes instead. Tomorrow's going to be a day full of great hiking and castle seeing on the 'Royal Walk'!

1. The walk up to Schloss Hohenschwangau is about 5 km (45-50 minutes) from the Bahnhof
2. The walk is then more of a hike of 40 minutes to Schloss Neuschwanstein; there's a 30 minute trail or 40 minutes 'walk/street' so I think I'll hike up and walk the street down. That way I see both and it satisfies my inane tendency to not come down the same way I go up.

I figure I'll do the Royal Walk during the day, then come down and explore the town a bit. There's also a big cemetery, and if I don't have the time tomorrow, I think I'll jog there Monday morning; it looks like a 20 minute walk, so the jog should only take 10 minutes.

I get a discount at the castles, both for 21Euro, and the tours take about 30 minutes. Or, I can do 11Euro each (these rates are reduced because I'm staying at the hostel!) in case I don't want to do both.... I'm torn, will walking around be enough? I've come all this way and I feel I really should do the tours.... even if they aren't in english, haha. I just inherently don't like tours because I can't wander, but in this case, unlike Ludwigsburg, I do feel like I'd be missing out. Ok, I'm going for it! When in Fussen.... you see castles!

Tentative Schedule cuz I enjoy planning:

6:30 Shower/Prep for the Day

7:00 Breakfast

7:30 Head to Castle H, buy tickets, do earliest tour, look about

12:00 Go to Castle N, tour, walk about and go to Marienbruke bridge

14:30 Head down to altstadt (take bus if tired), look about and pick a place for dinner, go back to shower

17:00 Dinner then explore cemetery and Misc

Great, this sounds very feasible! And doing the cemetery after dinner will be perfect :) Planning just gives me such a sense of 'goal'/'on a mission'. I love the drive; and yes, I'm fully aware that I'm justifying my own actions to myself, which is pure insanity, but this is my acceptance of myself. Good plan, little one, tomorrow promises to be another great one! I'm off to bed for my big day.

Travel Day 15: Friday, 06/29/2012

Afternoon-ish [I must have stayed in the sun too long upon writing this entry as I forgot the enter the time and also labeled the entry as 'Thursday 06/29/2011, when it was in fact Friday, 06/29/2012, haha]

I really must admit, I sit here in that beautiful [Heidelberg] park, in a bathing suit I picked up for 7 Euro at H&M in Bismarkplatz and having just gone for a dunk and sit in the sun, extremely proud of myself.

It started this morning when one of my hostelmates, and older lady from Cologne (Koln), and I instantly hit it off and we spent breakfast together. One of the first things she said to me was that she'd hiked from Frankfurt to Heidelberg yesterday, which instantly made me feel lazy as shit, haha, and extremely envious. For some reason, I felt drawn to open up to her. I admitted that I would love to do something like that but I struggle with an eating disorder as I've lost a lot of weight and worry I don't fuel my body adequately. She said it's all about balance, which I know but it's easier said than done!

We ate breakfast together and found that we both bulk at that meal to get a good start on the day. Also, because Germans eat meat/cheese sandwiches for breakfast, I made an olive loaf sandwich with tomato and cucumber for lunch! As we spoke, I found IW a true inspiration; she hikes all over, travels and works on cruises as a cultural lecturer for Pacific Islanders. She lived in Tahiti for about 30 years! She had a benign brain tumor removal surgery awhile ago and lucky to come out of it with all her faculties. Since [that experience] she's committed to leading life her way. She only mentioned her husband wasn't supportive when she became ill, and she had no ring. She's focused on herself and what she wants and I feel I'm doing the same; though we're both having to overcome our respective obstacles.

I asked IW if she'd like to meet for dinner and she said she'd have to eat early. I asked her what time and she said 18:00 to 19:00! Shit, that's a late dinner for me, which made me realize that that's part of why I go to bed early. It's just me, no need to resent that! Europeans, by nature, stay up late. Tonight, however, I may go for a beer somewhere, my tummy's doing much better. Anyway, it made me feel better about what was bothering me so much yesterday.

After my great breakfast I set off to explore Alstadt. I had to go pee so I broke down and got a coffee at Starbucks, which was so gross (even after 3 sweeteners and milk!) I had to toss it. After walking all around, I saw the tourist info and, on a whim, asked the cafe chick about black forest cake. She told me about Gundel around the corner, it's the oldest cafe in Heidelberg and she said if they didn't have it, no one would; they did! I took a piece to go and headed to the castle.

Evident from my pics, Schloss Heidelberg is absolutely breathtaking and very much worth 5 Euro! The building has somewhat collapsed in on itself and I just loved how it seems frozen in time. I walked around for about an hour, stopping for lunch and I only ate half of my cake! (I ate the rest while going to Clock World before the beach - this required a lot of public transportation transfers). I took a back way back down and saw a snail, one of the coolest things I've seen so far!

After that I headed to H&M and then Clock World - I want to buy a Cuckoo clock for Mom's birthday and have it shipped, but it didn't seem that kind of place, so I'll also look in Fussen cuz I think it's a bad ass idea. Then I came here and saw a topless chick and a really old dude wearing speedos. Ok, it's wicked hot so I'm gonna go for another dip and then read in the shade. I can only take so much sun!

OMG, I almost forgot to describe the black forest cake (Schwarzwalder Kirschtorte): The top layer of frosting was like butter cream, then there was a cream layer that was light and fluffy, followed by a chocolate layer with sweet fermented cherries and sort of strong booze, ending in a crispy layer; fucking tits! I know the booze cooks off but I swear I felt the heat. [I later found out that they don't cook off the booze, they straight-up soak it in booze prior to serving it!] It was so much more flavorful and less 'cakey' than the American, dried-out, version. The cherries were juicy and sweet, the cream layer was perfect and there wasn't much 'cake' at all. Definitely worth it, both money- and calorie-wise. I think I'm done with sweets for this trip though.... unless I see an irresistible German chocolate cake, but I haven't seen that anywhere. Gundel is a dangerous place by the way... I was so focused that I tried not to even read the other stuff, good Lord I wanted it all.

22:20

When I got back IW let me use her laptop so I didn't need to buy internet! But now I have a problem I didn't expect to have..... to much money, haha. I have 120 Euro left to spend in 2 days. I've been so good about saving that this is going to be difficult, but I do need to buy Mom something for her birthday and everyone else small stuff. Also, I can give some to SR (for PS) when I see him tomorrow, but me giving PS American money helps her more, so I think I'll just spend it :)

One thing I wanted to say about my initial meeting with IW; I told her how I always felt hungry and she replied that she just naturally got by on little food because there was never much to eat when she was growing up. I grew up with a lot of food, so it makes sense that I eat a lot. Our metabolisms are framed and trained during these years. It also reminds me that everyone is different - body types, activity levels, and corresponding caloric needs - I need to let these simple biological facts reassure my self-acceptance. I know how to take care of myself. Speaking of which, since I'm not taking the train to Stuttgart until 11:00, I'm going to run along the river tomorrow! I'm really excited about it. I welcome that freedom and power of Self feeling that always floods me during a run, it's why I do it.

IW and I went to a great place right next to the arch in Aldstadt for dinner. We both had the 'Servietten-Knodel mit Pfifferlingen an Salatbuket', which literally means Dumplings with Chantrelle mushrooms (fresh in-season!) and salad. It was salty but very good! What the name doesn't tell you is that the dumplings are pan-fried and the Chantrelles are cooked with bacon bits. The salad was served with a phenomenal balsamic - simply divine! We had great conversation and I'm so glad to have met her. She told me about the E1 trail which runs from Norway to Florence, Italy! Hello new life goal!

I'm meeting SR tomorrow and hanging with him from about noon to 15:30 before moving on to Fussen via Munich. Yay!

PS Thank you God! I noticed that just as I was bitching about the lack of society, You brought me IW.

Travel Plan for Saturday 06/30/2012:
1. Heidelberg (IC Train 11:10) to Stuttgart (11:50)
- Meet SR at tourist info area around noon
2. Stuttgart (ICE Train 15:12) to Munchen (17:27)
3. Munchen (17:51) to Fussen (19:56)