Sisterly Admiration

This is an actual email I wrote to my Sister.

Heerrrooooohhh!

I'm writing because I had an interview to be a 'Big Sister' yesterday, and the interview basically asked me a lot about my past to ensure that I wasn't so damaged that I'd f$*% up a little kid. To be honest, it made me realise how much I've changed. It almost felt as if I was talking about someone else's childhood, there was no sense of pain or attachment. Interesting shit, but I digress. I heard myself say something particularly interesting that I wanted to share with you.

They asked me about the people I admire most, and why I admire them. I immediately thought of you.  We are both very alike and very different, Sis. You are the only person who can understand what I've been through, because you've been through it as well; and yet we've both come out of it very differently, coped in different ways. Nature versus nurture? 

I admire your stability, how you can stay in that place and be happy with all the trials and tribulations that come with running a demanding family on very little income. You are a strong representative of the American middle class, and you should be damn proud of that. I admire your skills as a Mother most of all, they are truly exemplary. I laughed as I explained to them how you were tied up all day at a dance competition for the girls, and how that would literally be my nightmare, hahaha. I both envy your life, but also appreciate my own because, Sis, I simply couldn't live that way. I'm not sure if I have a fun-loving ever-changing Tarot-reading Gypsy spirit or an unsettled victim spirit that continually runs from her own shadows; it's probably a combination of both and (hopefully) recently moving away from the latter because I've given that victim the license to heal. Either way the 'conventional life' with a husband, kids and a house cemented into the ground simply won't work for me. It's something that has caused me great pain, because I keep thinking that I'm missing out, that I'm broken because I don't fit the mould. In reality, I've only broken myself trying to fit my ass into that mould and fulfil someone else's agenda. Look at the times I've tried for Christ sake! My track record is deplorable! Haha. I'm whole when I'm free, able to move around on a whim. Anyway, this is supposed to be about you dammit! 

I guess I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for showing me both what I have and what I don't have, because through you I get the best of both worlds without being attached to the one I can't comfortably live within. After I talked about you they asked if there was anyone else, and I couldn't think of anyone. You are the only person I truly admire. I absorb a lot of little things from many people, but you are the only person I esteem highly enough to impress me, because, well, I'm pretty f$*%ing conceited! 

They next asked how I was with kids and I iterated the hilarious story of the day I took all three kids to the pool and Q gave the girls a lecture about how they all had to behave because 'Aunt Summie doesn't know how to handle children,' hahahahaha. Oh Q, I love him so!

One last note. They asked if I had spoke to you about being a Big Sister, and I said I couldn't recall. It wouldn't occur to me to ask if you'd support me because I already know the answer. You support me no matter what, even when you don't agree with me or it's something you wouldn't do; you support me anyway, and Sis, that's unconditional love. I feel the same for you. I couldn't and wouldn't live your life, but I'm so f$*%ing proud of you for doing it that it makes me want to puke, haha. For me Sis, the sun shines out your ass, it always has even when we were young and I didn't think you liked me. You were the coolest person I knew and always wanted you to approve of me. A friend here asked me once if I'd ever go back, and my reply was simple and brief: 'If my Sister ever asked, I'd be on the first flight out of New Zealand; but under any other circumstance, F$*% NO." 

I love you Sis,

Summer

PS Can I post this on my blog? This is some deep shit!

My Sister's Response: Awwwwww, thanks sis. Love you too! You can write whatever the hell you want......remember, I always support you! 

Me: I'm including that too..... haha.