Thought of the Day 12/23/2011

If your dog throws up and you don't want to clean it up, leave it there.  It will miraculously dissappear.

Thought of the Day 12/21/2011

Always be sure there's toilet paper before you shit, I mean sit.

Thought of the Day 12/20/2011

If you draw a blank when you ask yourself what would create happiness in your life, identify things that make you unhappy and work backwards.

Understanding Spirituality in Logical Terms

If you’re like me, you find it difficult to comprehend concepts that are not overtly logical or tangible to form; in other words, ideas which have no solid basis in the realm of human understanding, such as spirituality and the awareness of the human soul.  The soul, inner energy, life force, God, Self, or however you prefer to name it, has no form, gender, personality traits, etc; it is simply inconceivable to our minds which prevents many people from exploring spirituality and other such beliefs. 

As humans we believe that we are born, live a mediocre life if we’re lucky, and then die.  The soul is infinite, however, which we cannot understand.  Therefore, contemplating its existence can be confusing, frightening or seem just plain pointless; regardless, I would urge everyone to ask themselves what they believe.  The worst that can happen is that nothing changes and you go about your business, continuing your average to shitty life; the best that can happen is that you tap into some awareness and gain new insight about who you are and what you want.  Either way, everyone can admit that humans tend to experience frustration which originates from misidentification with the material crap they own or don’t own but want, what they look like and the clothes they wear, what they do for work, hobbies, etc., who they are with or who they know, what they’ve done in the past and what they plan to do in the future.  These are things that surround our lives, but they do not define who we are.  They cannot make us permanently happy because they are all transient by nature.

Don’t get me wrong, I was skeptical at first as well.  My initial thought when I began to delve into these topics was ‘this shit is crazy, there is no such thing as inner happiness and peace, it can’t possibly be that simple!’  Then I realized that the truly crazy thought was, in fact, that I was actually afraid of gaining inner peace and happiness.  To be human is to suffer, that is all we know, so a life without such things isn’t possible, right?  But it was certainly appealing to think that all the power I needed to change, be happy, and lead a fulfilling life was already inside of me, completely inherent; it takes the guesswork out of where to look since I’m not sure how to get to Narnia or Middle Earth.  That’s when I thought, ‘oh no, people will think I’m some kind of crack-pot and I won’t be able to relate to anybody anymore, subsequently alienating my friends and family.’  Well I don’t know about you, but I’ve never really felt like anyone truly understood me anyway, my family has to love me whether they think I’m crazy or not, friends who question our relationship based on my beliefs are not true friends; and most importantly, I don’t need to share my new insight!  The process of self-discovery is completely my own, and that realization in itself brought me a degree of inner peace. 

So why am I sharing it now?  It occurred to me that people don’t know what questions to ask, or how to understand the answers once they get them.  Therefore, I will attempt to shed light on spirituality in a way that makes sense to me; by relating it to concepts that I already understand.  Because of my educational background, I tend to do so in contexts of biological processes.  Ask my best friend how she liked the Maid-of-Honor speech I delivered at her wedding; it compared the purity of true love to the process of re-crystallization, it was an absolute show-stopper, literally.  So stay tuned as I teach you about both biology and self-awareness in upcoming articles such as “Thoughtful Diffusion”, how to practice control over compulsive thinking and learning to let go of destructive thoughts by understanding the natural process of diffusion, “Spiritual Mechanics” which compares your body to a car and begs the question: why do you let crazy people drive it?, and “The Breaking Point”, a riveting tale of catalysts and the effects of life’s major changes.

I don’t care what belief system you chose; from the Torah to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, be open to the suggestion that there is something greater within yourself than the everyday shit that happens to you, the aging body in which you find yourself and the constant stream of thoughts and emotions that can sometimes convince you that you are completely losing your mind, or at least your control over it. Read what I have to say first, and then you can tell me if I’m full of shit.

Thought of the Day: 12/19/2011

The anxiety workbook I'm reading suggests 51 ways to nurture your inner child, one of which is masterbation.

Would that make me a pedophile?

The FUF: We've all Got One

One day while watching Pride and Prejudice (BBC Miniseries Edition) for the millionth time during a workout, I thought: ‘Wow, Ms. Bingley has to be one of the biggest Bitches in history’.  It made me wonder what her reaction to such a statement would be; never mind that we’re talking about a fictitious character.  During the time period that Pride and Prejudice was set, there was only one literal concept for this word.  Ms. Bingley would have simply given me a confused, condescending look while wondering why I had referred to her as a pup-rearing, estrogen-saturated, female canine.  This led me to the next logical question; why do people react so furiously when you call them a Bitch?

All words have both literal and perceived definitions.  Literal definitions are described in an invaluable resource known as www.dictionary.com.  I think you can still find them in a book somewhere as well.  Perceived definitions, however, vary significantly based on ones culture, childhood circumstances, personality traits and underlying beliefs.  These factors cause a person to screen everything they hear through what I like to refer to as their ‘Fucked-up-Filter (FUF).’  This FUF, as we all know, can cause serious issues and misinterpretations within a conversation.  What one person says is distorted during its analysis by another.  For example, if you were to simply mention to Chicken Little that it looked like it might rain that day he would likely grab his little chicky feet and kiss his ass good-bye as he’s prone to a ‘dooms-day’ mentality.  More common is the tendency to take offense at the mere mention of weight, age or choice of clothing, as these topics typically exacerbate insecurities regarding one’s body image; always a sore subject in 21^st century America.   It is therefore best to assume, passive-aggressive behavior aside, that people mean what they say at a purely superficial level, without any hidden meanings.  Likewise, when communicating try your best to be direct.  Do not allow the chance for your meaning to be misinterpreted unless the person you’re talking to has deep underlying personal issues, and if they do, why the hell are you talking to them?

This FUF also extends to our emotions.  Take solace in the fact that no one can ‘make you’ feel angry, sad, horny, whatever; it is simply your perception of what they said, and your reaction to what you think they meant, which spurred your emotion.  You own your emotions, sorry but it is true.  I don’t like it anymore than you do, but you are solely responsible for your emotions and subsequent reactions.  Hilter’s FUF led him to justify the annihilation of an entire demographic; they had, after all, offended him greatly with their existence and contamination of the human gene pool.  This may be an extreme example, but it should get the point across. 

With all these FUFs it’s a wonder humans bother to converse at all.  It’s critical to be aware of your own perceptions of what people say.  Ask yourself, ‘are you taking their statement at face value, or are you distorting their meaning because you accidentally dropped your cell phone in the toilet this morning?’  Though most interpretations are negative in nature, drawn out by suspected personal deficiencies; I would also caution against viewing statements in an overly optimistic light.  For example, just because a guy tells you that you have a nice rack does not likely mean that he wants to marry you and donate his sperm; well maybe the latter, but it’s not to advance the human population unless something breaks.  This assessment should always be performed before you offer a reaction to ones remarks or emotions. 

Now is a good time to bring up compassion.  The very definition of which is to consider someone’s FUF before reacting to what they say or their emotions.  Whenever someone is mean or condescending to me, I like to think that they have a horribly shitty life and they’re taking it out on my kind nature, so I cut them some slack.  Likewise, when I’m having a bad day, I like to preface my statements with ‘Forgive me, my FUF is clogged because [my dog puked on the floor this morning]’ and then let flow whatever remark comes to mind.  You should be ok unless you tell them they look fat, or that their mother is stupid. 

So, the next time someone calls you a Bitch, ask yourself ‘Was I, in fact, doing or saying something bitchy; or do I need to punch the actual Bitch in the mouth?'

Introducing Poetry Corner!

Ok, my creative side (who knew I had one?) has been spewing out poetry.  I'm not going to pretend it's worth a damn because I've never actually read any poetry, but you'll find it in the lower right hand corner of the blog, across from the Resources.  Don't judge unless you can do better and PROVE it's better!

Update

Hi Everyone!

I had to take down 'Balanced Diet; Balanced Life' because a fitness website bought it!  As soon as it's officially published I'll be sure to post the link. 

I hope everyone is doing well in the wake of the typical holiday stress.  If you get overwhelmed sit, take 5 deep and slow abdominal breaths (expand ONLY your diaphram, leaving your chest level), then get up and start dancing like you're having uncontrollable muscle spasms.  When someone asks you what you're doing, tell them you were transiently possessed by the spirit of a drunk elf.  They'll likely leave you be for awhile.  Use that time to have some eggnog with 'Religion' in it, put on a Holiday hat and literally embody said drunk elf.

If you don't drink, or even if you're drunk right now, what will always make you feel better and put you in the holiday spirit is watching 'A Muppet Christmas Carol.'  For optimal happiness, do so while eating pancakes.  If you can watch this movie and still feel unhappy check yourself into a friggin' clinic because you have serious issues! Stay tuned for a more elborate explanation of why this is truly the best movie ever made.

Love to all!
S to the Ummer

Puff, Puff, Pass

Have you ever had a Panic Attack?

If you hesitated in your answer, even slightly, be thankful you have not.  I sincerely hope that you never do.  But for those who have, you know exactly what I mean and you’re likely recalling your own attacks.  Your first panic attack is similar to the first time you have sex in that you wish you could forget it, but you can’t. 

In the throws of a panic attack you experience some combination of these symptoms (4 or more indicate a diagnosed attack):

Ø    Trouble breathing, feeling like you can’t breath or hyperventilation

Ø    Rapid heart beat, pounding chest

Ø    Dizziness

Ø    The Shakes

Ø    Trouble swallowing, feeling like you have a lump on your throat

Ø    Sweating, hot flashes, cold sweats

Ø    Muscle tension, soreness

Ø    The Shits, or other digestive issues

Ø    Feeling like you are disconnected from your body

Ø    Tingling and numbness of extremities (hands, feet, tongue)

Ø    Pain and/or discomfort within the chest

Ø    Feeling like you’ve completely lost your marbles

Ø    Convinced that death itself is swallowing you whole 

A panic attack is simply the body’s ‘flight-or-fight’ response to internal threats (Oh no, I’ll be unhappy forever!) instead of external threats (Holy shit, a tiger!).  Typically these attacks occur because your brain perceives some life-threatening medical situation.  Whether it be a heart attack, stroke, seizure or some other super-fun condition, your body will actually mimic the physical symptoms of that ailment. Still more exciting is that your wonderfully imaginative brain can become panicked due to unresolved, or unacknowledged, emotions and/or accumulated stress.

When you identify the stimulus and symptoms you can easily control an attack before it escalates to an uncontrollable state.  As soon as the stimulus eludes you, however, or the physical symptoms change, you can get tricked into a full-on attack. This is what perpetuates panic attacks.  I’ll give some examples of how this can happen below. 

There are many treatments for anxiety including life style changes surrounding diet, exercise and thinking patterns, and pharmaceuticals.  The book I’ve listed on the main page is a fantastic resource to get started.  My favorite treatment, however, is the ability to laugh at the ridiculousness of how these panic attacks can manifest.  

Consider the following tale:

It’s a typical night for my friend Joe and I, being the fun-loving youngsters that we are we decide to get stoned.  Despite my formidable size, I’ve always been a bit of a lightweight regarding all chemical modulators, legal or otherwise.  One-hit wonder they used to call me.  Tonight I was feeling positively ‘hasty’ as Treebeard would say, so I proceeded to take bong hits like a seasoned pro.  One! One bong hit, ah ha. Two! Two bong hits, ah ah; and so on until I couldn’t quite feel my extremities. 

Now, I lived in northern New York, no not Albany but the real northern New York, where there are no stop lights, lines on the road or cops to pull you over when you’re obviously inebriated.  This also meant that I had a 20-mile drive home.  I started out feeling, well, stoned.  About 3 miles from Joe’s house I suddenly felt a cold wave spread from my head down to my feet, my brain felt like it was melting, my heart was threatening to violently tear itself from my chest and I immediately knew that I was having a heart attack.  I watched as my arm and hand frantically searched the passenger seat for my cell phone, but I couldn’t actually feel my hand doing anything; it was as though it had completely disconnected from my body and was moving on its own accord.  I needed my phone to call my mother and tell her I loved her, because I knew I was going to die. 

Somehow I realized I needed to turn-around and go back to Joe’s.  When I entered the kitchen I was shaking so badly that I could barely walk and I was crying.  His family looked at me like I had lost it completely, and I felt like saying ‘you don’t know the half of it.’  Joe gave me a glass of water to help me calm down and I called my mom to come and get me.  As I waited for my mom I tried to describe what had happened to Joe, but I couldn’t quite put it into words other than staring death in the face, and I’m not sure that I won the contest.

Here’s the high points (no pun intended):

Ø    My mom, instead of yelling at me for getting stoned, laughed like a hyena when she saw the sorry state I was in

Ø    When the panic attack subsided (physiologically they must as your body eventually maxes out and releases natural sedatives), the mellow feeling combined with the massive amount of THC in my system and I was experienced a unparalleled high, severe tunnel-vision and munchies

Ø    I lived above my mother’s bar/restaurant and by happy coincidence someone had left behind half of a birthday cake, which I promptly took upstairs

Ø    As I watched TV, eating my cake, I heard someone laughing beside me.  I looked around in startled surprise to see my sister Sarah.  She had come to sit with me to make sure I was ok and had been there for 30 minutes; I had no idea.  It made me happy, however, to hear her laughing at me as she observed my blood-shot eyes and the frosting all over my face and shirt

Ø    I was later informed by multiple members of my family that they had experienced similar situations; I really wish they had told me sooner

Regarding the Perpetuation of Panic Attacks:

As I mentioned earlier, panic attacks can especially trick you when you get fun new symptoms, thus convincing you that it’s a real medical threat. For example, one night while driving to a friend’s house I randomly smelt the strong scent of toast.  Being the well-informed American that I am, I remembered that the smell of burnt toast typically materializes prior to the onset of a seizure.  I thought, ‘my god I’m having a seizure!’ and by-golly I believed it.  As the familiar wave of cold spread from head to foot, I stopped at a red light and the fear began to take hold.   Should I turn around or call 9-1-1?  As I ponder how to save myself before the seizure starts I looked across the street and saw it, a bread-making factory.  The attack immediately ceased and it was a long time before I could admit the embarrassment I felt in that moment.  Here’s another fun fact; to this day I don’t know if I’m actually allergic to shellfish or if I consistently panic whenever I eat shrimp by accident.

Furthermore, an attack can perpetuate when you’re unable to identify the stimulus.  The first time I had a panic attack that came ‘out of nowhere,’ I was simply driving back from a movie with my friends.  Since I couldn’t identify a stimulus like my typical attacks; I did not have a lab report due the next day that I hadn’t begun or mixed no-doz with vodka, I became convinced that this was it and my juvenile obesity had finally struck in the form of a heart attack.  Well, I ended up going to the ER and imagine my surprise when they sent my ass straight to the psyche ward and filled me with sedatives; 10 minutes later I didn’t know or care where or who I was; a $750 bill that ended up in collections well spent! That attack didn’t actually stop, it culminated in a constant state of panic for about two weeks, which slowly trailed off.  I didn’t fully recover for two months.  I remain convinced to this day it was my first mental breakdown.

Guess what I was going through at the time? I was graduating college, leaving my home state of New York and close proximity to friends and family, and headed to Colorado to start a PhD program.  I had no job or plan to pay my bills until the program began, and no furniture for my apartment.  But I was fine with that change and uncertainty right? That’s what I thought.  Beware of elusive emotions and stresses; they can surface in these not-so-subtle forms.

In summary, if you are prone to panic attacks educate yourself on the current treatments, and learn to laugh at your unique triggers.  If you have never had a panic attack, just say NO.

Introduction: Who The Hell Am I to Start a Blog? Am I Really That Important?

Yes, yes I am. At 27 years of age, despite all my life lessons and experiences, I feel more naive, and just plain stupid, then ever before.  I received my Bachelors of Science from the University of Rochester, and a Masters of Science from the University of Colorado Denver, yet it stills seems my confidence and intellectual ability maxed out about 10 years ago.  It's been an uphill battle ever since.  In light of that, I still feel that I've gone through enough real life situations, and managed them tolerably well; therefore, I would like to share my perspective with others and seek their perspectives in return. 

My inspiration for this blog began a couple of years ago.  Moments of clarity while running on a treadmill would bring genius and hilarious articles to mind, but being too busy with everything else going on and the fear that no one would care to read what I had to say prevented me from writing them.  Now, I can no longer deny my creative inclinations and realized it really doesn't matter if anyone reads this blog; I will write simply for the sake of writing, hopefully planting seeds of inspiration in others along the way. 

My audience will include anyone who wants an honest, logical and hopefully comical perspective on the categories below:

1. Weight Loss, Nutrition and an "Eating Disorder not Otherwise Specified"
• I had been 'big-boned' all my life.  At 23, I was 5'2', 240 pounds, size 22 pants and 2XL shirt; now at 27, I'm 5'3' (yes, I actually grew an inch!), 122 pounds (but who's counting?), size 2 pants and XS-S shirt (depending on the store). I know a thing or two about successful weight loss and a healthy diet to sustain that significant change.
• The Eating Disorder will be a section in its own right.  Suffice it to say that I'm not a binge/purge kinda girl, and I don't knowingly starve myself; but the rigidity involved in my everyday eating habits, due to a fear of gaining weight, are an ongoing issue linked to my addictive personality.
2. Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks and Addiction
• I was diagnosed with GAD at 21, though it could've been diagnosed when I was 11 and developed an ulcer from excessive worry and stress.  This condition has been followed by two critical time spans of severe panic that lasted for months, during which I became convinced I'd completely lost my sanity.
• Unlike everyone else in my family, I was never addicted to drugs, alcohol or cigarettes; I refused to be that typical, but I still have an addictive personality and a need for personal perfection which drives me to excessive control of myself and others.  Guess what my new addiction is?
3. Spirituality
• My new quest for the inner 'Self' (consciousness, God, or however you personally chose to label your 'higher power'), and how to go within to find pure happiness, love and peace.  Don't think it exists? As a highly logical being, neither did I, it just seems too simple! Nevertheless, I'm going to try like hell to convince everyone that they already possess everything they need to obtain those things. 
4. Any Random Thoughts I Feel Like Sharing
• I'm a sucker for pop culture, true crime dramas and the news in general.
5. Anything Anyone Would Appreciate my Evaluation of and Unique Perspective on
• Chose the topic and ask me! Anything from movies and books to laundry detergent and peanut butter.
• I promise to painstakingly analyze the information and write back my reply. But beware, I am brutally honest.  Do not ask questions to which you are not prepared to hear the view from an objective perspective, but this is often the most profoundly helpful resource.

If you, like me, feel dumber as you age, you're on the right track.  Now let's learn from each other.