All words have both literal and perceived definitions. Literal definitions are described in an invaluable resource known as www.dictionary.com. I think you can still find them in a book somewhere as well. Perceived definitions, however, vary significantly based on ones culture, childhood circumstances, personality traits and underlying beliefs. These factors cause a person to screen everything they hear through what I like to refer to as their ‘Fucked-up-Filter (FUF).’ This FUF, as we all know, can cause serious issues and misinterpretations within a conversation. What one person says is distorted during its analysis by another. For example, if you were to simply mention to Chicken Little that it looked like it might rain that day he would likely grab his little chicky feet and kiss his ass good-bye as he’s prone to a ‘dooms-day’ mentality. More common is the tendency to take offense at the mere mention of weight, age or choice of clothing, as these topics typically exacerbate insecurities regarding one’s body image; always a sore subject in 21st century America. It is therefore best to assume, passive-aggressive behavior aside, that people mean what they say at a purely superficial level, without any hidden meanings. Likewise, when communicating try your best to be direct. Do not allow the chance for your meaning to be misinterpreted unless the person you’re talking to has deep underlying personal issues, and if they do, why the hell are you talking to them?
This FUF also extends to our emotions. Take solace in the fact that no one can ‘make you’ feel angry, sad, horny, whatever; it is simply your perception of what they said, and your reaction to what you think they meant, which spurred your emotion. You own your emotions, sorry but it is true. I don’t like it anymore than you do, but you are solely responsible for your emotions and subsequent reactions. Hilter’s FUF led him to justify the annihilation of an entire demographic; they had, after all, offended him greatly with their existence and contamination of the human gene pool. This may be an extreme example, but it should get the point across.
With all these FUFs it’s a wonder humans bother to converse at all. It’s critical to be aware of your own perceptions of what people say. Ask yourself, ‘are you taking their statement at face value, or are you distorting their meaning because you accidentally dropped your cell phone in the toilet this morning?’ Though most interpretations are negative in nature, drawn out by suspected personal deficiencies; I would also caution against viewing statements in an overly optimistic light. For example, just because a guy tells you that you have a nice rack does not likely mean that he wants to marry you and donate his sperm; well maybe the latter, but it’s not to advance the human population unless something breaks. This assessment should always be performed before you offer a reaction to ones remarks or emotions.
Now is a good time to bring up compassion. The very definition of which is to consider someone’s FUF before reacting to what they say or their emotions. Whenever someone is mean or condescending to me, I like to think that they have a horribly shitty life and they’re taking it out on my kind nature, so I cut them some slack. Likewise, when I’m having a bad day, I like to preface my statements with ‘Forgive me, my FUF is clogged because [my dog puked on the floor this morning]’ and then let flow whatever remark comes to mind. You should be ok unless you tell them they look fat, or that their mother is stupid.
So, the next time someone calls you a Bitch, ask yourself ‘Was I, in fact, doing or saying something bitchy; or do I need to punch the actual Bitch in the mouth?'
No comments:
Post a Comment