NOTE: Continuing forward I will refer to people only by their first and last initials [FL] to maintain anonymity.
7:05 Stuttgart Hbf [Hbf = Hauptbahnhof = Main train station]
Well, I at least made it to the right platform with plenty of time to spare for my train to Hamburg. I didn't sleep last night which was the culmination of relief of my constipation (I'm pretty sure the doner kebab loosened things up), having 2 large beers and apfelstruedel (Trains here!) and a large cappuccino (2 shots of espresso).
Aside: First class is pretty nice and the train is cool looking, can't wait to see how fast it goes.
I'm feeling anxious but that's my norm after a night of even modest drinking and lack of sleep, combine that with the fact that I'm traveling to Stockholm via 3 trains, none of which have any room for error. Oh, thank God they do announcements in English too!
Last night, after a quick nap during which I had a dream JB and I were trying to lug a keg up a flight of concrete stairs and I got mad at a bunch of Germans for only speaking German so I decided to get back at them by speaking in a thick UK-Cockney accent which they likewise wouldn't understand (RANDOM), PS, MK and I headed to the Hbf to find their friend SR and then we were going to get doner kebabs, groceries and trinkt! [German translation = drink!]
1) Doner Kebabs - How do you say mother-fucking amazing in German?! These Turkish 'pitas' come in 2 varieties, in a 'pita' or 'yufta' a large peice of delicious flat bread they make right there on their grill. It's like a cross between a thick flour tortilla and naan. Holy awesome. I got mine with everything - Feta, lettuce, onion, tomato, red and green cabbage/half sauerkraut-like and their version of tzatziki. It was absolutely phenomenal. While in Berlin I think I'll try the popular pizza that these places also sell. Both MK and SR, each having lived there, agree Berlin has high quality food at the lowest prices, so that's where I plan to try the large quantity of foods :) Food in general here is very reasonable. I got 2 days worth of groceries for only 8Euro.
2) Trinken und Dessert - Per MK I tried a dark (and large!) beer, also made in Stuttgart by Dinkelwieser, I can't really remember the name but hope to recognize it so I can get it again as it was the largest and cheapest on the menu, haha. Then I had a banana-weisen, which I assumed was a beer with banana flavor brewed into it. Instead, I got a monstrous glass of half-beer half-banana syrup. It was good, but I think I'll stick with the dark beer I mentioned. No imperial stouts here it seems :( After 2 beers and a lot of marvelous conversation, we headed to the restaurant that had caught my eye on several previous occasions right on Schlossplatz. We were in pursuit of black forest cake, but couldn't find it so I'm to buy it at a bakery in Berlin cuz it'll be very cheap but very good. Instead, I was recommended the traditional Apfelstruesel which was served hot with custard, vanilla ice cream which had melted and whipped cream - Holy phenomenal! It was simple, the dough was thin and unassuming and the dish wasn't as sweet as it's American counterpart, which was perfect. Oh, by the way, I bought the German version of equal, which are tiny tablets, haha. I'm so ridiculous. The food in general here is less salty and sugary. I feel most Americans would call it bland, but for me it's perfect. Relying more on herbs, spices and general culinary aptitude to execute flavorful dishes. I wonder how fast we're going cuz it's definitely faster than American trains ( I should have warned SR about that....).
3) SR - One of the hottest men I've ever seen and I noticed a ring :( PS said 'long-term' is on the Left and 'married' is on the Right. Here's the funny thing, I made a total ass of myself (shocking, I know) when I asked where his GF/wife was; he said his boyfriend was in Berlin. Thanks for clueing me in PS! But this was good because before then I was kind of shying away from him, though he looked at me a lot [I'll explain later] and we both have similar job histories as he used to be a monitor for clinical research! At this point, knowing he was gay and unattainable on all fronts, I no longer held back and we spent all night talking. He and his boyfriend have been together for 7 years but they live in different countries until SR finishes his PhD in Liverpool and moves back to Berlin. They're taking a trip from Vancouver to LA in September which they're very excited about (which is why I mentioned the train-thing earlier).
What I really love about SR is that he is all man, no flamboyancy, yet gay. It got me thinking, did societal constraints somehow cultivate the flamboyant gay stereotype which is rampant in America? Do they feel they need to distinguish themselves and display that behavior though it perpetuate their own negative stereotype? Sure, there's guys like G- and TE who are like SR, but they are gems. Is SR also a gem? I haven't met enough gay Germans to know. Either way, I really enjoyed meeting him and he insisted on giving me a hug when we parted last night. Actually what he said stuck in my mind, 'Let me give you a hug,' and he gave me a look and embrace, almost that of pity, but with sincere feelings of acceptance and positive energy wishes for a better future for me. Could I really present my damage so obviously? Since all my emotions are blunt I have no doubt an enlightened/aware person can easily pick up on my scars, but I don't want to convey myself that way, at least not that I mask it with fake happiness. Yes, I've been hurt, but yes, I am happy.
Or perhaps I saw something that wasn't there and he just wanted to hug me. Yet my instincts told me, I felt his energy, he was actually hoping things would be better for me. I accept that energy with all of my heart and thank him. What a beautiful soul.... and ripped arms, haha :P
4) General German Stare-Downs - I noticed yesterday that I was getting the stare-down a lot more than normal, at least more than I'm used to and enough to make me notice. I'm sure it was half paranoia and half real. I thought either A) They can tell I'm a foreigner by looking at me, B) I'm too scantily clad with showing tattoos, cloth shorts and a tank top, or C) I'm incredibly attractive. I asked MK and while he was kind and conceded point C was the likely culprit, he replied that, in general, Germans don't look but stare at people. It doesn't both me, in fact I feel a bit relieved as by American standards, I also tend to stare; but I couldn't help but be confused. SR later agreed with this point. I think this is also related to another thing I noticed and very much appreciate and respect: Germans maintain CONSTANT eye contact while conversing. I absolutely love this directness, it's bold and engaging and illustrates active conversation with mutual conveyance unlike America, where it's all double speak, eye aversion and general standoff-ish body language. Respectfully, Germans are like myself, state the truth and opinions as though they were fact, and respectful acknowledgment of thoughts and ideas.
Overall I think it's clear I'd be phenomenally happy to live here; I think I'd fit right in without consequence. Last night, I even made a 5 year plan to learn German and move here.
5) Stuttgart, A Reflection - The city of stairs and my calves/shins can vouch for it! Gorgeous, quaint city with positively delightful close towns like Esslinger and Ludwigsburg. Definitely set a great tone for the rest of my trip and made a huge positive impression on me!
I keep getting paranoid about being on the wrong train and I'm also in a reserved train car cuz we stopped at Mannheim and I was in the water closet (WC, aka toilet), when I came back there were old people in my seat, haha. I moved, but realize I may have to do so again. Some of the signs above the seats changed to Frankfurt and I thought maybe the train split but Frankfurt is on the way, so I'm being silly. I will worry though! Gonna occupy my time as writing is difficult on this thing.
11:35 Train to Hamburg
Just stopped in Hannover, so we should be in Hamburg in about an hour. I just closed my eyes to relax, and will away the hunger of sheer boredom, and something so clear occurred to me I feel compelled to immortalize it. It's critical to 'Plight of the Chronic Talker.' It has become obvious, according to how people attempt to address me, that I look German; just another face in the crowd. I blend in and no one assumes I'm a foreigner and can't speak Deutsch or understand what they're saying; I can't eavesdrop. This may not seem like an epiphany, but it showed me why I want to be German with such zeal; it is my one attempt to control the one behavior I feel powerless over, my lack of filter. In America, I'm outgoing, frank, loud, inappropriate, though funny, endearing (I think at times), sincere and kind; I still display tactlessness as a result of my not know what I'm going to say before it's already our of my mouth. This is what I wish to change.
Since they don't know I can't speak German, here I must seem quiet, reserved and polite; replying in simple pleasantries because that's all I know. This is how I alway want to be. What's more, in learning German, I will at first need to carefully survey the words I say, checking them for context, meaning and syntax. In effect, I will have a powerful filter because as I do that, I can also check my tendency to be too bold and opt to tread the line between funny and inappropriate in consideration of cultural views. Even when I become fluent and the need to choose my words is gone, habit will likely prompt me to continue my routine, effectively acting as a filter.
In this way I can keep all my wonderful communication skills which have led me to portray myself as a competent, intelligent, honest, funny, kind and hopefully considerate person without those off-hand comments that turn heads and draw negative attention to me.
True, sometimes I am able to think before I speak, realize it borders tactlessness, but for either humor or emphasis say it anyway. I take responsibility for the things I say and the reaction of others. What people don't understand, except BD, is that I don't always get the luxury of knowing what I'm about to say and I'm as ashamed of my words as others feel awkward at having heard them. This is a way for me to start over.
13:40 Train to Koebenhaven [Link to Pics]
Successfully made it on the train to Koebenhaven and I couldn't find a place to fill up my water bottle and the lady in the dining section said I had to pay :( Let's see how thirsty I get before I give in. . . I gave in, 2.80Euro, then I found out I had a voucher for free water all along, haha.
16:10 Train to Koebenhaven
I met a cool chick from Atlanta who tole me I get free coffee, which I didn't realize; tits! We just took the ferry into Denmark too. Woot!
18:46 Train to Stockholm
Third and final Train! This one is high speed, I'm going to ask how fast it goes. The ferry crossing into Denmark was cool and after that I sat with HS. I'm glad I met her, it reaffirms that there are people exactly like me out there; intelligent, ambitious, seeking and stuck inside their own head, trapped by anxiety. She's going to meet up with a friend's cousin (from the UK) in Amsterdam to marry him for citizenship; an idea which profoundly resonates with me. I hope it works out for her if that's what she truly wants. Going to try and sleep now as it's Midsummer in Stockholm and I'm not sure what MB has planned :)
7:05 Stuttgart Hbf [Hbf = Hauptbahnhof = Main train station]
Well, I at least made it to the right platform with plenty of time to spare for my train to Hamburg. I didn't sleep last night which was the culmination of relief of my constipation (I'm pretty sure the doner kebab loosened things up), having 2 large beers and apfelstruedel (Trains here!) and a large cappuccino (2 shots of espresso).
Aside: First class is pretty nice and the train is cool looking, can't wait to see how fast it goes.
I'm feeling anxious but that's my norm after a night of even modest drinking and lack of sleep, combine that with the fact that I'm traveling to Stockholm via 3 trains, none of which have any room for error. Oh, thank God they do announcements in English too!
Last night, after a quick nap during which I had a dream JB and I were trying to lug a keg up a flight of concrete stairs and I got mad at a bunch of Germans for only speaking German so I decided to get back at them by speaking in a thick UK-Cockney accent which they likewise wouldn't understand (RANDOM), PS, MK and I headed to the Hbf to find their friend SR and then we were going to get doner kebabs, groceries and trinkt! [German translation = drink!]
1) Doner Kebabs - How do you say mother-fucking amazing in German?! These Turkish 'pitas' come in 2 varieties, in a 'pita' or 'yufta' a large peice of delicious flat bread they make right there on their grill. It's like a cross between a thick flour tortilla and naan. Holy awesome. I got mine with everything - Feta, lettuce, onion, tomato, red and green cabbage/half sauerkraut-like and their version of tzatziki. It was absolutely phenomenal. While in Berlin I think I'll try the popular pizza that these places also sell. Both MK and SR, each having lived there, agree Berlin has high quality food at the lowest prices, so that's where I plan to try the large quantity of foods :) Food in general here is very reasonable. I got 2 days worth of groceries for only 8Euro.
2) Trinken und Dessert - Per MK I tried a dark (and large!) beer, also made in Stuttgart by Dinkelwieser, I can't really remember the name but hope to recognize it so I can get it again as it was the largest and cheapest on the menu, haha. Then I had a banana-weisen, which I assumed was a beer with banana flavor brewed into it. Instead, I got a monstrous glass of half-beer half-banana syrup. It was good, but I think I'll stick with the dark beer I mentioned. No imperial stouts here it seems :( After 2 beers and a lot of marvelous conversation, we headed to the restaurant that had caught my eye on several previous occasions right on Schlossplatz. We were in pursuit of black forest cake, but couldn't find it so I'm to buy it at a bakery in Berlin cuz it'll be very cheap but very good. Instead, I was recommended the traditional Apfelstruesel which was served hot with custard, vanilla ice cream which had melted and whipped cream - Holy phenomenal! It was simple, the dough was thin and unassuming and the dish wasn't as sweet as it's American counterpart, which was perfect. Oh, by the way, I bought the German version of equal, which are tiny tablets, haha. I'm so ridiculous. The food in general here is less salty and sugary. I feel most Americans would call it bland, but for me it's perfect. Relying more on herbs, spices and general culinary aptitude to execute flavorful dishes. I wonder how fast we're going cuz it's definitely faster than American trains ( I should have warned SR about that....).
3) SR - One of the hottest men I've ever seen and I noticed a ring :( PS said 'long-term' is on the Left and 'married' is on the Right. Here's the funny thing, I made a total ass of myself (shocking, I know) when I asked where his GF/wife was; he said his boyfriend was in Berlin. Thanks for clueing me in PS! But this was good because before then I was kind of shying away from him, though he looked at me a lot [I'll explain later] and we both have similar job histories as he used to be a monitor for clinical research! At this point, knowing he was gay and unattainable on all fronts, I no longer held back and we spent all night talking. He and his boyfriend have been together for 7 years but they live in different countries until SR finishes his PhD in Liverpool and moves back to Berlin. They're taking a trip from Vancouver to LA in September which they're very excited about (which is why I mentioned the train-thing earlier).
What I really love about SR is that he is all man, no flamboyancy, yet gay. It got me thinking, did societal constraints somehow cultivate the flamboyant gay stereotype which is rampant in America? Do they feel they need to distinguish themselves and display that behavior though it perpetuate their own negative stereotype? Sure, there's guys like G- and TE who are like SR, but they are gems. Is SR also a gem? I haven't met enough gay Germans to know. Either way, I really enjoyed meeting him and he insisted on giving me a hug when we parted last night. Actually what he said stuck in my mind, 'Let me give you a hug,' and he gave me a look and embrace, almost that of pity, but with sincere feelings of acceptance and positive energy wishes for a better future for me. Could I really present my damage so obviously? Since all my emotions are blunt I have no doubt an enlightened/aware person can easily pick up on my scars, but I don't want to convey myself that way, at least not that I mask it with fake happiness. Yes, I've been hurt, but yes, I am happy.
Or perhaps I saw something that wasn't there and he just wanted to hug me. Yet my instincts told me, I felt his energy, he was actually hoping things would be better for me. I accept that energy with all of my heart and thank him. What a beautiful soul.... and ripped arms, haha :P
4) General German Stare-Downs - I noticed yesterday that I was getting the stare-down a lot more than normal, at least more than I'm used to and enough to make me notice. I'm sure it was half paranoia and half real. I thought either A) They can tell I'm a foreigner by looking at me, B) I'm too scantily clad with showing tattoos, cloth shorts and a tank top, or C) I'm incredibly attractive. I asked MK and while he was kind and conceded point C was the likely culprit, he replied that, in general, Germans don't look but stare at people. It doesn't both me, in fact I feel a bit relieved as by American standards, I also tend to stare; but I couldn't help but be confused. SR later agreed with this point. I think this is also related to another thing I noticed and very much appreciate and respect: Germans maintain CONSTANT eye contact while conversing. I absolutely love this directness, it's bold and engaging and illustrates active conversation with mutual conveyance unlike America, where it's all double speak, eye aversion and general standoff-ish body language. Respectfully, Germans are like myself, state the truth and opinions as though they were fact, and respectful acknowledgment of thoughts and ideas.
Overall I think it's clear I'd be phenomenally happy to live here; I think I'd fit right in without consequence. Last night, I even made a 5 year plan to learn German and move here.
5) Stuttgart, A Reflection - The city of stairs and my calves/shins can vouch for it! Gorgeous, quaint city with positively delightful close towns like Esslinger and Ludwigsburg. Definitely set a great tone for the rest of my trip and made a huge positive impression on me!
I keep getting paranoid about being on the wrong train and I'm also in a reserved train car cuz we stopped at Mannheim and I was in the water closet (WC, aka toilet), when I came back there were old people in my seat, haha. I moved, but realize I may have to do so again. Some of the signs above the seats changed to Frankfurt and I thought maybe the train split but Frankfurt is on the way, so I'm being silly. I will worry though! Gonna occupy my time as writing is difficult on this thing.
11:35 Train to Hamburg
Just stopped in Hannover, so we should be in Hamburg in about an hour. I just closed my eyes to relax, and will away the hunger of sheer boredom, and something so clear occurred to me I feel compelled to immortalize it. It's critical to 'Plight of the Chronic Talker.' It has become obvious, according to how people attempt to address me, that I look German; just another face in the crowd. I blend in and no one assumes I'm a foreigner and can't speak Deutsch or understand what they're saying; I can't eavesdrop. This may not seem like an epiphany, but it showed me why I want to be German with such zeal; it is my one attempt to control the one behavior I feel powerless over, my lack of filter. In America, I'm outgoing, frank, loud, inappropriate, though funny, endearing (I think at times), sincere and kind; I still display tactlessness as a result of my not know what I'm going to say before it's already our of my mouth. This is what I wish to change.
Since they don't know I can't speak German, here I must seem quiet, reserved and polite; replying in simple pleasantries because that's all I know. This is how I alway want to be. What's more, in learning German, I will at first need to carefully survey the words I say, checking them for context, meaning and syntax. In effect, I will have a powerful filter because as I do that, I can also check my tendency to be too bold and opt to tread the line between funny and inappropriate in consideration of cultural views. Even when I become fluent and the need to choose my words is gone, habit will likely prompt me to continue my routine, effectively acting as a filter.
In this way I can keep all my wonderful communication skills which have led me to portray myself as a competent, intelligent, honest, funny, kind and hopefully considerate person without those off-hand comments that turn heads and draw negative attention to me.
True, sometimes I am able to think before I speak, realize it borders tactlessness, but for either humor or emphasis say it anyway. I take responsibility for the things I say and the reaction of others. What people don't understand, except BD, is that I don't always get the luxury of knowing what I'm about to say and I'm as ashamed of my words as others feel awkward at having heard them. This is a way for me to start over.
13:40 Train to Koebenhaven [Link to Pics]
Successfully made it on the train to Koebenhaven and I couldn't find a place to fill up my water bottle and the lady in the dining section said I had to pay :( Let's see how thirsty I get before I give in. . . I gave in, 2.80Euro, then I found out I had a voucher for free water all along, haha.
16:10 Train to Koebenhaven
I met a cool chick from Atlanta who tole me I get free coffee, which I didn't realize; tits! We just took the ferry into Denmark too. Woot!
18:46 Train to Stockholm
Third and final Train! This one is high speed, I'm going to ask how fast it goes. The ferry crossing into Denmark was cool and after that I sat with HS. I'm glad I met her, it reaffirms that there are people exactly like me out there; intelligent, ambitious, seeking and stuck inside their own head, trapped by anxiety. She's going to meet up with a friend's cousin (from the UK) in Amsterdam to marry him for citizenship; an idea which profoundly resonates with me. I hope it works out for her if that's what she truly wants. Going to try and sleep now as it's Midsummer in Stockholm and I'm not sure what MB has planned :)
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