Thought of the Day 07/17/2013: The Partner of My Dreams

After a considerable hiatus from dating and/or having a 'romantic' relationship, I recently pitched an attempt at dating (technically my second, but the first was so half-hearted it really shouldn't count).  In light of my failed engagement, fears regarding a relapse into co-dependent behavior, I stayed true to my principles to navigate these foreboding waters; but there was an added benefit of flexibility as the guy was one of my best friends, understood my quirks, and was also in no hurry for anything serious since he's also been single for the majority of his years.  Now, a relationships between two people who desperately cling to their single habits made a few things clear to me, which made the modest anxiety I experienced during this time completely worth it in the end.

This brings me to my central, critical, premise: PEOPLE WILL NOT AND DO NOT CHANGE, FOR ANY REASON, UNLESS THEY HAVE A TRUE DESIRE TO CHANGE. When someone changes for the sake of another it creates resentments, both conscious (they actually feel angry/resentful) and subconscious (they tell themselves they don't care, that they want to change to make the other person happy, but they really don't because the change is against their fundamental nature).

Simply put, to be involved in a relationship one must make changes to accommodate the other person; spatially, emotionally and physically. One must want that person in their bubble, want to touch them and want to feel for them on a tangible level, which can require considerable changes in daily routine and thought processes.  Whether or not the relationship has longevity depends completely on both people wanting to make these changes.

Long story short, my friend and I are better off the way we were; neither of us wanted it badly enough.  This is absolutely fine and happens 99.99% of the time.  The beneficial aspect of all this is that it made me realize what I need; indeed, what I deserve, to have a lasting healthy relationship.  To this end, here are some of the following features that my future life-partner will possess (and yes, I say life-partner because I refuse to adhere to the social convention of gender restriction, i.e. that I must marry a man because I'm a woman):

1. Is Spiritually Awake, Meaning:
• Profound and fundamental faith in something higher than their own ego
• Distinguishes 'Knowing' from 'Believing' (this subject is an article all it's own, and hopefully I'll remember to write it someday)
• Understands that there is no such thing as a right/wrong decision, and trusts that people make the best decision they can at that time with good intention
• There is no such thing as blame
• Does not judge others based on typical human character flaws
• Sees the hilarity of life, from the most tragic to the most beautiful
2. Has a Good Sense of Direction (symbolically, I need someone who knows where they are but can get somewhere else on their own without my help)
3. Makes Me Feel Wanted and Comforted
• Effectively, this person will personify Xanax
4. Will Clandestinely Drive Me to Self Improve
5. Reinforces and Reveals My Divine Lessons
6. Understands Me, But Does Not Always Agree With Me
7. Communicates Effectively and Actively
8. Honest and Selfish Enough to Leave Me if it's What They Need
9. Accept and Appreciate My Reciprocity of Each of These Points

I realize that this is a lot to ask for, but these are the building blocks I require; I'm simply too busy working on myself, selfish though that my sound, to work on the fundamentals of others.  Therefore, it naturally follows that I am fully prepared to spend this life alone.  This will inevitably seem sad, but I'm perfectly okay with that; it is a decision I've made mindfully, accepting the consequences and understanding that if I feel lonely I must change my willingness to compromise the needs I've detailed above, instead of projecting my loneliness onto others in the form of a crappy pessimistic attitude, like an old crotchety spinster.  Nevertheless, I am more important than compromising these needs and principles for the sake of having companionship; I'm the only companion I truly need and, most importantly, I'm the only companion that's guaranteed to stick around for my entire life.