Well, today is the day I go into HR and talk about my 'options' regarding the outcome of 'The Ordeal'. As I've previously said, I've made enough allies to keep a role within the company, but I will be taken down a few levels and will not return to my previous department. And though I'm relieved that this will all finally come to an end, grateful for the personal lessons I've learned throughout the last month, I have a few apprehensions relating to my return. Mainly, I'm afraid that keeping my ego at bay and maintaining my serenity for the duration of the discussion (as I take in my offenses and their repercussions) will prove too much for me to take, allowing my emotions to run amok thus digging the hole deeper. As such, during my run this morning I focused on the seed of humility I have previously planted; today that seed will need to at least sprout, poking up from the earth, if I am to protect what little positive image I've established at my company. No matter what is said to me, despite who I think is to blame for what has transgressed, I need to take my share of the responsibility, be the bigger person, accept the chastisements with grace and the new opportunity offered (no matter how lowly it may seem) with gratitude.
The root issue here is my inherent inability to hide what I am feeling. I instinctively wear my emotions on my sleeve; they display across my face in LARGE BOLD PRINT. My face is so easy to read, in fact, that even a Kindergartner could tell you the emotional outcome of my life's story after a five minute conversation. Therefore, while contemplating how I might disguise this vast array of negative feelings upon discussing 'The Ordeal' and seeing those directly involved in my downfall, I remembered that all I have to do is 'get to confusion'. During a leadership training I took with my department last year they explained that along the range of the emotional scale Confusion was in the middle, net neutral. The resulting guidance was that if one should find themselves experiencing a negative emotion within a professional atmosphere where negativity might damage one's career, they only need elevate themselves this neutrality by becoming curious and asking others to elucidate the underlying issues inspiring those emotions. From there, it is much easier to ascend into the realm of positive emotions.
Aha, confusion is an easily obtainable objective! Indeed, the outlandish idiosyncrasies of the average Human keeps me in an almost constant state of bewilderment (most pronounced during my McDonald's shifts). The best part is that my typical reaction to confusion is humor, which quickly propels me into the positive range; now this is a plan I can sink my teeth into! True to this statement, as I imagined myself looking at one particular person and contriving a look of befuddlement, I began to audibly giggle, which inspired still more looks of confusion. Imagining the inevitable confusion that would materialize in the other once my own confusion was conveyed was certainly a pleasant image; one of us looking across the room at each other in utter bemusement. This entertaining illustration yields the ammo needed to rocket me to at least Hopefulness and conquer my ego; allowing me to go about the business of moving into my new role with the dignity. My mature response will then relate to those who had faith in me that I will not disappoint them in my acquiescence to 'The Ordeal', and my ability recover from any ancillary damage.
Lastly, I wish one thing to be plainly understood: I do not blame anyone for what has happened. I am not a victim of anything besides my own poor judgments and I will accept the outcome; though my damaged ego will likely require the coaxing I've related above to accomplish this feat and absorb this lesson in humility. The most critical lessons in life are also the most difficult to learn, which is why we are typically faced with multiple opportunities to grasp them, or otherwise have them beaten into our psyche. Anyway, another epiphany struck me as I ran this morning; I saw myself habitually hard at work digging holes, I then tempted the opportune Persons into obligingly pushing me straight into them. That is certainly what happened to facilitate 'The Ordeal'. Certain people did not apprecaite my ambitious and direct Wild Card personality; she dug the hole, and when I made a trivial documentation error I was pushed into said hole. In retrospect that is precisely what I did to assist in dismantling my one and only relationship and, most recently, the loss of my dog's allegiance. So why would I do such things? Simple; because though I dug the hole and though I enticed others into pushing me, my ego perceives that I was not ultimately to blame for falling into the shit at the bottom. I've said it before, though I apparently misjudged the situation on the first go-round, one will inevitable end up swimming in shit when they Talk Shit.
The root issue here is my inherent inability to hide what I am feeling. I instinctively wear my emotions on my sleeve; they display across my face in LARGE BOLD PRINT. My face is so easy to read, in fact, that even a Kindergartner could tell you the emotional outcome of my life's story after a five minute conversation. Therefore, while contemplating how I might disguise this vast array of negative feelings upon discussing 'The Ordeal' and seeing those directly involved in my downfall, I remembered that all I have to do is 'get to confusion'. During a leadership training I took with my department last year they explained that along the range of the emotional scale Confusion was in the middle, net neutral. The resulting guidance was that if one should find themselves experiencing a negative emotion within a professional atmosphere where negativity might damage one's career, they only need elevate themselves this neutrality by becoming curious and asking others to elucidate the underlying issues inspiring those emotions. From there, it is much easier to ascend into the realm of positive emotions.
Aha, confusion is an easily obtainable objective! Indeed, the outlandish idiosyncrasies of the average Human keeps me in an almost constant state of bewilderment (most pronounced during my McDonald's shifts). The best part is that my typical reaction to confusion is humor, which quickly propels me into the positive range; now this is a plan I can sink my teeth into! True to this statement, as I imagined myself looking at one particular person and contriving a look of befuddlement, I began to audibly giggle, which inspired still more looks of confusion. Imagining the inevitable confusion that would materialize in the other once my own confusion was conveyed was certainly a pleasant image; one of us looking across the room at each other in utter bemusement. This entertaining illustration yields the ammo needed to rocket me to at least Hopefulness and conquer my ego; allowing me to go about the business of moving into my new role with the dignity. My mature response will then relate to those who had faith in me that I will not disappoint them in my acquiescence to 'The Ordeal', and my ability recover from any ancillary damage.
Lastly, I wish one thing to be plainly understood: I do not blame anyone for what has happened. I am not a victim of anything besides my own poor judgments and I will accept the outcome; though my damaged ego will likely require the coaxing I've related above to accomplish this feat and absorb this lesson in humility. The most critical lessons in life are also the most difficult to learn, which is why we are typically faced with multiple opportunities to grasp them, or otherwise have them beaten into our psyche. Anyway, another epiphany struck me as I ran this morning; I saw myself habitually hard at work digging holes, I then tempted the opportune Persons into obligingly pushing me straight into them. That is certainly what happened to facilitate 'The Ordeal'. Certain people did not apprecaite my ambitious and direct Wild Card personality; she dug the hole, and when I made a trivial documentation error I was pushed into said hole. In retrospect that is precisely what I did to assist in dismantling my one and only relationship and, most recently, the loss of my dog's allegiance. So why would I do such things? Simple; because though I dug the hole and though I enticed others into pushing me, my ego perceives that I was not ultimately to blame for falling into the shit at the bottom. I've said it before, though I apparently misjudged the situation on the first go-round, one will inevitable end up swimming in shit when they Talk Shit.
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