Thought of the Day 15/03/2015: Manawatu Gorge Walk

Manawatu Gorge Walk [Link to All Pics]

Fact: I love hiking. Nothing in this world can describe how I feel alone and among nature. I savor the sights, sounds and smells of the Bush (haha, aka forests, woods, etc.), walking at my own pace and stopping to eat, drink or piss whenever I please. Most importantly, I revere the silence, it clears my mind and eases my anxiety. Stopping every quarter kilometer on a ten kilometer tramp to watch an old dude whack caterpillars off leaves, talking about trees I couldn't distinguish from one another, while waiting for the slow pokes bringing up the rear, is not my idea of hiking. Admittedly, going on a guided tour probably wasn't the best idea, but I thought I might meet some people and decided to give it a go. As my frustration mounted, however, it was clear to me that my hike would be ruined it I didn't do something. As politely as possible I asked the tour guide if it was ok that I go ahead of the group. Like all Kiwis, he was phenomenally understanding, and assured that it was no trouble but did give me some pointers on staying to the correct path; bless his caterpillar obsessed heart!

The second I was alone my stress disappeared and I came alive, but the incident got me thinking about my basic human tendencies. Should I have been less of an impatient control freak? Probably, but berating myself for doing what comes naturally to me is no longer an activity I practice. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; though a harsh truth to face, it's a fact that I'm the only person guaranteed to stay with me for my entire life (true for all Humans). Once I realized that a few years ago, I made the critical decision to be nice to myself and life has been more enjoyable ever since. Any other person could be an asshole to me, but I'm not allowed to be one of those assholes. Moreover, knowing that I'm there to support and encourage also serves to take the sting out of other peoples' displeasure. I've lived life with negative self-talk before, and it was a miserable fucking existence. I may not always be pleased with the things I say and do, but I acknowledge that I always do my best and accept who I am regardless of any other feelings.

Along my tramp I began to muse over the fact that while hiking, I never look behind at the path I've already traveled; always staying focused on what is in front of me and the task at hand. Suddenly it struck me that thought is also a phenomenal analogy for life in general. It's well known in both psychology and spirituality that one can best avoid feelings of depression and anxiety by keeping focused on the present. Eckhart Tolle calls it "The Power of Now." Specifically, one who dwells on the past often suffers depression and regret, and those who reside in the future tend to be anxious, worrying about things that may never come to fruition (that's me!). Hiking is really the only time I can remain in the present without letting in other stimuli, and it's why it makes me so authentically happy. True to my yearning to split from the group, I couldn't bear to linger in one spot, wanting to forge ahead without looking behind nor worry about what to do when I reached the end. I can't hike all the time, however, so I've recently implemented a new tactic for my anxiety that seems to be working well. Every time I ask myself a negative 'What if' question ('What if I die on the toilet straining to take a shit like Elvis?'), I consciously counter it with at least three positive 'What if' questions ('What if I'm absolutely fine? What if I meet the love of my life in the next five minutes? What if I get a promotion at work?). It's becoming as easy as it became to change my inner speech from negative to positive, the pivotal change I mentioned above, and has a similar calming effect.

[Read the following paragraph with the understanding that I speak only for myself and how I personally feel. There is no right or wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings, these are mine.]

Despite breaking from the tour group, I still met many people along the way. While hiking in the US, especially Colorado, people are friendly and say 'Hi'; while hiking in New Zealand, people become your friends. During my lunch I met a few people and had an epiphany. I was explaining that I felt the need to leave the US because it was a stress factory; I could never quite attain a sustainable level of comfort, so I left. Shortly after, continuing my hike, I realized that the same stress stimuli exist in New Zealand: work, money, food, chronic constipation, traffic, relationships (or lack thereof), etc. The critical difference, however, is that here people are so nice, giving and supportive that it's difficult to become overly anxious. There is always someone to help me, whatever my needs may be; a ride back to Palmy, help with my immigration visa, fingerprints for an FBI check, an speedy Australian visa, an apple to raise my blood sugar, or a coffee date offer to ease interview anxieties. In American, though people are superficially helpful, they certainly don't go out of their way to help each other and I always end up feeling like I owe them something afterwards. Here, someone usually offers their help before it's even requested. Interestingly, I don't feel that this originates from a need to please others as in the Indian culture, instead it's purely genuine. The essence of New Zealand culture centers around doing what's right which encompasses helping others, it's their way of life and anything else confuses them. Why wouldn't people be friendly and helpful? Why, indeed! No joke, when I lived in Denver a girl was raped at DIA in a terminal full of people, no one stopped to help her. Unfortunately that pretty much epitomizes how I feel about America, which is sad because I KNOW there are neighbourly people there too; I've met them, and have been one! In the end all I know is that I told myself I'd never be happy in the US, so I wasn't. For my own sanity's sake things had to change here, and they did. I'm a legitimately a happier person here, and I'm not going to question or analyze the sentiment; I simply want to enjoy life.