Every woman faced with infertility seeks a spiritual explanation which allows them to come to peace with this apparent ineptitude. Evolutionarily, woman have but one function, propagate the human species. Without this capability, all women will feel some degree of uselessness whether they acknowledge it or not. Sometimes obvious and sometimes elusive, this inadequacy can cause significant depression and anxiety; even within women who never 'thought' they wanted to have kids regardless of fertility potential.
For myself, I was always on the fence about children. When my issues came to light, a unique combination of early menopause induced by both genetics and severe dieting as well as a partial cervical removal due to early stage cancer, I felt an odd combination of relief and longing. I accept that I am a selfish being, having a schedule and life-agenda that when altered in any way makes me quite emotionally sensitive. Furthermore, though I love my parents too much to go into detail, I refuse to bring children into the world unless I know I can commit 100% of myself to them without making them feel as if they were an imposition on my life; a task I've never felt equal too. Nevertheless, I felt a God-given choice had been taken from me unfairly, but I remained thankful that my particular issues related to the inability to conceive. For those stricken with multiple miscarriages, I will not pretend to understand the immense pain you suffer.
I share this not to seek sympathy, which I certainly do not deserve, but to highlight the epiphany that brings the peace I referred to earlier. Quite simply, the only child God meant for me to raise and love in this life is Me. This realization not only put the infertility demons at bay, but allowed me to love, accept and forgive myself in a way I did not think possible due to a highly critical, ego-centric, Mind. I've experienced a higher level of emotional stability and overall happiness every day since. Furthermore, to all the mothers out there I suggest this, love and accept yourself as much as you love and accept your children; you deserve it every bit as much as they need it.
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