Travel Day 14: Thursday, 6/28/2012

08:35
Had a good breakfast of Banana, Toast, Yogurt and Nutella; my go-to German breakfast! I had to eat it pretty quickly so I'm just praying it digests ok. I woke up at 06:00 with terrible stomach pains, but felt better after I went to the bathroom and was able to sleep for another hour.

I got on the train ok, but now I'm feeling anxious and lightheaded from the exertion. It's a good thing I have nothing to do but sit (and hopefully not shit) on trains for about 5 hours. I need a new book though as I finished 'A Reliable Wife' on the way to Berlin. I'm also almost done with the 'The Hunger Games' audiobooks; then I'll be in real trouble, haha. I should be able to find an English book somewhere...

I thought of a funny thing for Facebook regarding my illness:
Overindulge on American Food = Guilt + Extra Running Time
Overindulge on German Food = Shitting Blood + 1 Day Sleep + 2 Day Soup Diet

Well, at least I find it funny... or I will once the internal bleeding stops.

13:06
On the train to Heidelberg and feeling much better. I had a little extra time in Frankfurt so I stopped and got a new Sci-Fi book called 'The Last Werewolf'. I'm retaining so much water I can't fathom how dehydrated I was. I drank more than a Nalgene and have only pissed twice. Also, though I still feel discomfort in my abdomen, its much more infrequent and whatever is trying to make its way out now actually looks like shit, but there's still a bit of blood. Regardless, I'm expecting a speedy recovery with the proper diet. For lunch I had some carrots, tomatoes, the rest of my jerky and those wheat wafer things. Very balanced indeed. Now I'm craving peppermint gum.

I look forward to checking into the hostel and start wandering/formulating a plan of attack for tomorrow. I'll finally be in the one place where I won't mind paying to see the insides of castles, haha.

17:16
Sitting at a cafe (Cafe Blank) close to the river walk/path in Heidelberg. It's 4km from where cool shit is to my hostel, so I set off to do the 'Philosophenweg' (or 'The Philosopher's Trail') I did some thinking of my own along the way. Why the fuck am I attempting this with my stomach in rough shape, a headache and the fact I've barely eaten? But I did (at least made it to Bismarck-Saule, which is a look-out tower) and felt accomplished and powerful, all things considered. This 'path' as they call it is straight up and I must have gained almost a mile! Ok, that may not be true, but it seemed like it!

This part of town is nice and there's a pub (O'Reilly's) that has karaoke/disco on Friday's... let's see if I'm tempted to come back tomorrow, haha. The walk was gorgeous and at the tower you can see all of 'Altstadt' which is the old town of Heidelberg where the castle and cool shit is. That's where I'll be all day tomorrow. The walk along the river to this part of town is really nice too. I saw an altercation between a cab driver and an old dude on a bike; I had no clue what they were saying, but judging by the stares of others it must've been at least somewhat interesting. There were people swimming. Everybody just seems so relaxed. I was skeptical at first (mostly due to the location of my hostel) of Heidelberg's beauty, but now I see it and look forward to a full exploring day tomorrow.

I did make a disturbing conclusion on my walk however, all the graffiti I've seen, in any country, is in English. This makes me sad as I feel its a negative association with America I didn't expect, not that I would defend the US, haha.

I stopped at this cafe as a treat for my hike and got a cone with 1 scoop of cherry yogurt. It seemed sweeter than usual, but it was great and only cost 1Euro! My tummy said it could handle it :P And frankly I was shaking and near pass-out level. That, and I'm now further dehydrated as I've sweated out about 2 gallons of water I didn't have to begin with. I may take a bus back, but I'm not sure what I'll do until the game (Germany Vs. Italy!), which my hostel is proudly showing.

I never seem to know what to do with myself at night..... I always associate it with having to eat more/differently which I don't like. Staying up is just out of habit for me, I guess.

17:53
Just stopped to sit on a bench along the river for a second because what I wrote before is even more complicated.

1. I must accept that I'm a morning person, evenings are time to unwind and reflect for me; but in this setting it also makes me feel like I'm missing out.
2. I have a difficult time sitting and not eating/drinking because I'm always on the go! I only ever rest to take nourishment. 

Seeing this, I decided to sit and the voice came; at first it only said 'let it come to you,' and then even more clarity followed, 'if I'm always on the go and never stop to let it find me, I'll never know what's coming to me.' Effectively, I'm always running from something which is why I always feel the need to move; obviously when I walk to burn calories I'm running from the fear of weight gain. But in general, why do I avoid simple rest? A sit in the park for awhile? In other words, what am I afraid will catch up to me? How can I hope to get on with my life/contract if there's something coming but it's something I must wait for and be still so that it can come to me. I don't know what 'it' is, but it'll be life altering and transforming.

From now on, I need to pay more attention to when it's time to simply stop and observe. Be content with how I am and being in the present. Shit, it's just nice to watch other people rush around for a change.

19:00
It started pouring just as I got back :) Now I'm going to practice sitting and I've got my new book and castle pamphlets to help me ease into it, haha. Also, I just want to sit so this damn headache ebbs. Oh, and I thought of 2 more general observations:

1. Only old men wear Speedos
2. (Shit, I forgot)

I also thought of a cool new hobby that would suite me, to buy a clock everywhere I go and keep it on the local time that it's originally from. I noticed that I love clocks... thought it was a solid idea. Now if I could only afford cool clocks.....

Tomorrow I'll get a 24hour bus pass to get around, that way I can walk all over Altstadt and the castle without worrying about hauling my ass back. I'm really gonna tuck it in for breakfast, since it's free, and then try to survive off snacks cuz restaurants in Altstadt will definitely be more expensive. I just realized all I have left are almonds, protein bars, chocolate and apples, haha. There seemed to be a lot of stuff along Bruckenstrabe, otherwise I'll just stop and get some veggies at a store somewhere.

I'm super impressed that castle entrance seems to be only 5Euro! That's what I'm assuming though.... the pamphlet is in German, haha.  Woot, tomorrow in gonna rock!

21:45
2-0 Italia, I hope Germany turns it around but I have to give it up, that black Italian is serious business.

Speaking of serious business, I have some accepting and questions for myself. Why do I constantly struggle against myself? Why do I insist on convincing myself I'm supposed to do and/or be anything but what I am?

• I am not a night person. I enjoy the mornings and am most productive and happy at those times.
• I eat, I eat often, I try to eat well but am admittedly in vacation mode. Usually I eat but only feel ok with it when I am also active. I see people running and feel both scared and jealous.
• Jealous because I love running and they took the time to say 'yes' and also that they don't likely fear what they'll need to eat as a result of that activity.
• Which brings me to being scared. I irrationally think activity = need for fuel, but [only] the exact amount [needed] or I'll get fat.

This issue isn't going to go away [True words, I STILL struggle with these very issues.... Two years later]. I need to learn to accept these thoughts and move despite them, be courageous. Yes, I went overboard in Berlin, I do have to be careful. I must not expect too much of myself; I went for a hot grueling walk today and it's not fair for me to think I ate too much or that I should be moving instead of watching a football game.

I just get so fucking frustrated... I'm so at odds with the most natural function of my body. I think the real reason I got upset today is because I ate though I didn't feel hungry. I did feel lightheaded and generally ill though, so I thought I needed food. Then I ate 'more' than I planned, which is the crux of my guilt. I set this completely arbitrary plan and then if I eat more I feel guilty. It's bullshit.

I'm also a bit disappointed (and it's why I think I should be out and not writing in my fucking journal right now) that this hasn't been a social vacation at all. Besides Stuttgart and Stockholm I haven't talked at all. I went out in Berlin, but no one spoke to me and I'm too embarrassed that I'm American to talk here. Sad but true. I'll have to pay for wi-fi long enough to see if I'm meeting SR and/or MK Saturday. I hope I am! I also have no interest in going out as I really don't want to drink.... what a conundrum. I know there's other things, but I don't know, I guess it goes back to the calorie thing. I can have coffee/diet coke.... but then I can't sleep. I just have to figure out what I really want and either do it or place myself in it's way and let it come to me, like He said it would.

American Oddities I Don't Want to Forget:

- Dunkin Donuts in Berlin

- 7/11's in Sweden [and Denmark; there's seriously one on every corner]

German Word Irony:

- Rathaus (Government Building)

- Krankenhaus (Hospital)

Travel Day 13: Wednesday, 6/27/2012

08:30 Berlin Hostel [Link to Pics]
BAD, BAD, BAD ...... I can't even describe the pain in my stomach, I'm shitting blood and water, and if I stand for more than a couple of minutes I get lightheaded and have to sit.

Last night I drank too much, for one; a tequila sunrise out of a fucking can, then I stopped at a convenience store for vodka and diet coke. On the way to the bar I saw all these great middle eastern places and started formulating ideas.... I couldn't find that Cassiopeia Club with the 80's music and even asked at some hipster bar where I got a G&T, yuck; all that sugar it's no wonder I'm in such distress. Well, that or the falafel pita with every kind of spicy and sweet sauce they had to put on it. Can you (I) imagine?! More, even after all I had already had. Getting drunk was my excuse to eat yet again, an excuse, something to blame or use to write off my very poor choice. What's more, while sitting at that bar, I got 2 very clear messages:

1. I was there for someone else, someone else's lesson. It wasn't even clear who.
2. I very clearly heard 'Sometimes you have to poison your body to enlighten your soul.'

Sweet Mother Fucking Jesus, I got it. In fact, this lesson was so starkly ironic when I woke up in severe distress, not knowing if I had to shit or puke; just knowing that something was very, very wrong, that I would've laughed if I hadn't been hunched over on the toilet, dripping with cold sweat, wavering in and out of consciousness. Here's what I notice, my level of attachment to my own body has changed. I'm able to watch my symptoms, feel everything, and carefully assess what I should do to help. My awareness has definitely shifted. The Watcher is very strong now, she saw the shitty mood yesterday, she watched as I consciously over-indulged/poisoned the body and now, despite a constant powerful pain in my abdomen and a constant threat of passing out, the Watcher is there as an observer, prompting my mind chakra to ask the very important question: 'Should I go to a hospital?'

I still haven't decided. Perhaps I just need to take it very easy today? Just in case, I'm stationed on the couches in front of reception. I went into the breakfast room and got some peppermint tea, toast and yogurt, but I had to sit due to light headedness and just sat there with my head on the table. An old lady rubbed my back and spoke in German. I told her I was sick; she said she didn't speak English but indicated not to eat the yogurt and toast is better. I picked at it but began feeling very sick again. I barely made it to the bathroom before the lightheadedness overcame me again, the cold sweats came back and I just sat on the toilet. Only a little blood water came out.

I feel like a fucking empty milk/yogurt carton that someone filled with water, shook really hard and emptied out repeatedly. I'm just plain-old sick. I can't even fathom walking up the stairs to my room, let alone around Berlin or to a store for some Slim Fast. 

This is exactly what happened when I ate that fucking Brie! Water/sleep seemed to help the most, but it took me a few days to fully recover. At least I'll be saving money! Now I just need to figure out what my POA [plan of action] is; going for a jog is out, haha. Holy shit I'm in rough shape. All I can do is sit and stare, I must look awesome, I just came down from bed. 

Well, I guess I'll go back to bed and see how I feel after some water and rest; then I can go get a Slim Fast and see how walking a little ways goes. I still think yogurt is a good idea and I know mint tea would be good.... it's the blood that concerns me. What the fuck did I do? I know I ate a lot of fried food, like 'Thanksgiving Diet Day', but that didn't last long. No, this is exactly like the Brie only worse because it's a combo of extreme chocolate, currywurst, schnitzel, booze and falafel. WTF?! I have two weeks to try all those things, why-oh-why(!) did I decide to consume them all in one day?!

Ok, going to attempt to go upstairs to bed.... I just want to be able to make it to Heidelberg tomorrow.

12:30

I drank water and went back to bed until just now when I had to get up and shit more blood/water, didn't seem as red this time though. I ate a banana so I'm going to give it half an hour and if I feel ok I'm going to venture to the store. I saw an Ewe on Potsdamer Platz last night, near the U-Bahn. If I feel even better by tonight/tomorrow, I'd like to look around Tiergarten and go see the Berlin Wall/Check Point Charlie. My stomach still hurts, well technically it's my abdomen, but I think I can ignore it and a slow walk may help. If they don't have Ensure or Slim Fast I'll just get soup.

14:44

I'm now fairly hopeful for a somewhat speedy recovery. I walked, albeit slowing, to the store and got some non-perishable milk, apples, soup and rolls. I came back and ate a nice meal of salad, clementine, 2 of those wafers I got from the other hostel and a Nesquick chocolate milk with vitamins. Now, I'm going to rest a bit and if everything stays down and the pain continues to get better I'll take off to Tiergarten and my final 2 points of interest. I only seem to shit when I also pee, so it seems that may be under control and it looks less bloody. The pain, as I said, is a bit better. Those wafers by the way are really good and tasted like big bran flakes. Anyway, I figure I'll lie down for about an hour and take a quick shower before going out. Then I'll have a nice dinner of soup and a roll. Yay. Oh, and I must look like hell cuz everyone in the store avoided me, haha, but I was asking where the 'meal shakes' are [and that confused them].  Turns out, you have to buy stuff like that at pharmacies here. 

20:00

Good walk! I can definitely make it to the station tomorrow. It still hurts like a mother and there's still blood, but at least I can walk and take some nourishment. I walked, in a down pour, about 2 and a half hours around to my last sites. The walk to the anhalter S-Bahn station is much nicer (through parks) so that's how I'll get to the Hbf in the morning. I also stopped to get some tourist crap. 

So, I realized I forgot to share a couple of things:

1. I saw a huge Sanofi-Aventis HQ right on Potsdamer Platz and a tall BASF building last night when I got off the U-Bahn station at Warschauer; great for job ideas!
2. On my walk back from the Kurfursten U-Bahn station I was a young guy with a hot woman, but then I realized it was a Tranny! Then once out of the station and at street level I saw more [prostitutes] and at least some were also Trannies! Just thought it was cool to see.

Then a car pulled up next to me and a guy in a really nice car said something in German; I said I spoke English and he replied 'Do you want to go for a drink with me?' I said no, thank you, and he didn't press the issue.  That's when I realized, even potential date-rappers are moral, respectful, here, haha. It was about 02:00. If I had gone with him I would've sent a distinct green light for sexual acts. Instead of being a creep, he asked and respected my answer. I feel like an American would've been misleading/conniving or just take what he really wanted. The funny thing was I had on my gray pants, ladybug shirt and jean jacket, not at all scantily clad like the prostitutes, haha. Ok, I'm going to fill my Nalgene, plan my train schedule, pack and sleep.

Oh, just one more thing; despite adding to my gastrointestinal demise, that was the best damn falafel pita I've ever had! The falafel was crispy but mushy too, and the guy put both a red pepper rub in the pita and a mango sauce. It pains me to say this, as I just had another bout of the shits. Either my meager lunch went straight through me or its the back-up from yesterday, I thought I should say that. Ok, I'm not feeling very well again.... to bed!

Tomorrow: Wake up around 06:30 to pack/get ready 

Berlin to Frankfurt 07:34

Frankfurt to Heidelberg 13:20

If I don't feel like the 30 minute walk to the Hostel, take a 10 minute bus ride on #32.

Travel Day 12: Tuesday, 6/26/2012

07:50 Somewhere Between Odense and Berlin
I'm officially glad I had to get a first class ticket. The cars/toilets are nicer, there's always snacks (which I pack for later), coffee, tea and water, and now I'm in the lounge waiting for the Flensburg train and just snagged 2 pieces of Valrhona! Woot.

Actually, just last night I had a brownie I snagged from DB first class, they're pretty good. I felt hungry despite my apple/carrots and this trip is about doing what I want and I wanted a brownie bite. As I slid back into bed with my treat I thought 'victory', haha, and I'm still not entirely sure why.

I emailed SR before leaving to see if he can meet up next Saturday; I hope he can! He's so gorgeous... oh, and just to indicate what I dream about, it occurred to me that there's something else I must try in Berlin.... GERMAN Chocolate Cake. The one place I saved on my iPod is a bakery. I think I'm going to try cake for breakfast one day, haha. [Aside: It's funny because it seems like I'm saying I dream about hot guys, but I switch to the topic of food.]

So, I just got on the train and I'm very grateful for my 'attention to detail' skills or I may not have noticed that the monitor I was standing under had a different destination than 'Flensburg' so I walked down to a different monitor which said 'IC Flensburg Vohn 11-12', meaning only cars 11 and 12 go to Flensburg, my first run-in with a splitting train! It's a good thing I was warned of this.... I have a feeling some tourists aren't making it to Flensburg, haha. I'll be interested to see if these 2 cars connect to the train going to Hamburg; either way I'm getting off to be sure.

Sweet! More first class awesome-ness; an awesome breakfast roll, jam and swiss cheese. I'm going to save the cheese for lunch and have the roll with my yogurt. Woot!

14:05 
Almost to Berlin! For some reason I'm just insatiably hungry, so for my first stop I'm going to the cafe with the Chocolate! Then I'll figure out the rest; it will likely depend on how long it takes to walk from the S-Bahn on Potsdamer Platz to the hostel.

20:30 Berlin [Link to Pics]
Holy shit my feet need a break! I've been going non-stop since getting to Berlin. I took the S-Bahn to Potsdamer Platz, it was a bit confusing cuz I had to take 2 trains, but I asked people and they helped. When I got here I went to the chocolate place and had an amazing little chocolate cake and cold chocolate drink with grand mariner. I went to check into the hostel after that and it's more like an actual hostel, so I don't really want to be there.

I took off to see some stuff and covered a lot of ground. At Markgrafen platz I got a currywurst and it was spicy and delicious! I admit, I'm seriously indulging today as I'm at the traditional place getting a beer and schnitzel now, but whatever, you only live once! (that you remember) Plus, food in Berlin is really cheap once you're off the beaten track, like this place. It's small and cozy and hot as hell at the moment. I ordered a nice dark beer for only 3.50Euro, everywhere else was like 10Euro!

Tomorrow I'll pack a lunch and go to one of the parks.  Maybe I'll finally go for a jog, haha.

21:45
Ok, I just had a fucking break down. The meal was good, but I was rushed cuz there was a table coming at 21:00 for that spot. Around 20:45 the chick rudely asked me if I read the signs and I told her someone had sat me. Though I certainly didn't need it, I got no 'brot' as I was supposed to, but the schnitzel and salad were truly delicious and the beer was also good. I had to stand at the bar and seriously thought of pulling a dine and ditch. I just felt so put-out and lonely in general. Now I feel tired, but I really want to experience Berlin so I asked about bars at the bar downstairs [in the hostel]. The chick showed me where the clubs are on the map, then I saw a card for Tuesday's 80's night with free entry until midnight! I'm going and taking my sad-pitiful mood with me dammit. I'm in fucking Berlin!

Sorry, I glossed over the good today, Admittedly I'm feeling very guilty, but I do want to immortalize it:

1. The tiny chocolate-sex cake: Crunchy bottom with subtle orange flavor, spongy cake layers with more chocolate and a thick layer of dark chocolate ganache on top. Fucking amazing.
2. The awesome cold 'hot chocolate': Topped with whipped cream and chocolate dust and had Grand Marnier and cherry liquor in it; equally incredible and I also caught a nice buzz. Every sip was divine.
3. Currywurst: Only 3.50Euro! Nice subtle, not over-powering, sausage covered in a thick spicy curry-ketchup BBQ sauce with a nice brown bread and covered in curry powder. Magnificent.
4. Like I said, the schnitzel was great and not too salty; good quality pork and nicely fried. The salad was great and the dressing was amazing!

[Aside: I feel immense food guilt now just reading that.... Jesus, it's no wonder what's about to happen happened (foreshadowing).]

There's an old lady who speaks very poor English in the room with me and it seems everyone else is fucking 12, haha. Ok, i'm going to revive with a shower, some booze and get my dance on!

Travel Day 11: Monday, 6/25/2012

09:07 Odense Hostel [Link to Pics]
Just waiting for my laundry to finish so I can hang it while I'm out. I've managed to stash away a nice little horde of apples, clementines, brownies and tea for my travels; acquired from SJ first class, haha. Now all I need are veggies and some sort of protein. Bread I'll buy on the go for freshness :)

I asked about Restaurant Carlslund [at the hostel desk] and they confirmed it was traditional, good, and opens at Noon, thankfully, usually restaurants aren't opened until 17:00 (like Kobenhavn). The only set back, they said, was it was far, which is why I picked it(!), and also confirmed that the walk is beautiful. Ready for the day!

11:50 Restaurant Carlslund
After a beautiful walk and enlightening mediation by the river, I've arrived at Restaurant Carlslund, it's positively adorable and very warm, inviting and cozy; especially since it got a bit colder and started raining pretty hard. I'm throwing caution to the wind and got their specialty, which is a mound of thickly cut, smoked and fried bacon atop an omelette with chives and tomatoes. I know 'Danish' people/regulars like it because the 4 old ladies sitting across from me ordered it.

My walk along the river was amazingly gorgeous. The woods are so thick, the greenery so lush, it's no wonder HC Anderson found Odense such an inspiration. In fact, I found my own inspiration in it. I felt compelled to sit on one of the many clean benches by the river, thickly covered by trees, and meditate on 'connect' (intuition, people and places); I even sent some positive energy to Kobenhavn, I have the strength here to do that, but not there. I watched one spot in the river bend, [the water was] fuzzy with the wind and passing leaves, and listened to the birds. Throughout the meditation I had tears rolling down my right eye, which I typically take as a positive sign. I focused on my chakras and felt my only weakness is around my heart/compassion. I suddenly shifted to things that made me feel happy: new school clothes, supplies and the excitement I always felt on returning to school/staring a new school year.

Now, wanting to do God's will doesn't need to involve huge, lighting-striked epiphanies or struggle in any way really.  I strongly believe that which the energy of the universe intends for you is directly proportional to that which you want/feel naturally inclined to do. In talking to Mary about easy ways to become an ex-pat and also in hanging out with her and all of her teacher friends, I became convinced it would be the easiest job for me to get here and I certainly have the education. I worry, however, about my lack of compassion and patience, believing these deficits wouldn't make me well suited to the profession. Her friends, however, are a lot like me in demeanor and mentality and when I think of my strongest inherent skills: written/verbal communication, organization, attention to detail and analytical thinking, I suddenly find that all of those would nevertheless make me a strong teacher. In thinking about the lack of patience and compassion something beautiful happened; I suddenly heard 'Those that can't do, teach,' and it immediately began to rain lightly and I gave a huge smile at this sign. My path forward is clear, I will teach in a foreign country; teaching compassion and patience along the way as I struggle with those attributes myself. Beautiful.

[Food Arrived]

That meal was beautiful too! What's more is I ate most, but not all, of the omelet. The meatier bacon pieces, trimming on the hugs chunks of fat. Ate 1 piece of bread and put the rest (2 pieces) in my container because it's good and sturdy, and will keep well; and I feel perfect! Satiated but not ridiculously full :) The eggs were thick with chives and warm tomatoes, and a bit salty. The bacon thick and delicious. The rye bread is like eating horse-grain-cake and I love it! The mustard was really hot and I immediately tasted horseradish so I didn't eat anymore and told myself that I wasn't allergic, but I can feel the back of my throat is a tad swollen. This place is really filling up now! It's obviously a local favorite and I'm so grateful I found it. The sun is back out just in time for a nice walk back too.

I saw giraffes at the zoo on the way here. When I go back through town I'm going to stop at the HC Anderson house/museum area on the East side of town, then maybe go to the store/post office. Either way, I want to look around the East areas, I explored the North/West last night, I see from the map I need to go a bit more South to get to the tourist info place and that's usually where the more touristy things/shops and museums are. Maybe I'll save that all for tonight and go back to the hostel, then post office and store now. That sounds like a plan... then I'll shower and go exploring again! Woot.

Note: Everybody drinks [booze] early here, haha, and I've decided to embrace the Canadian tuxedo as others in Europe have done, mainly because it takes a combo of my hoodie, jean jacket and a cardigan to keep me warm.

19:10 Odense Hostel
I'm enjoying a pleasant meal of salad, rye bread, tea and brownie protein bar for dessert, haha. The only thing to put on the salad is teriyaki sauce so I also put one of the clementines in, good call! I had to shut my window to write, I opened it to dry the clothes faster but it also creates a crazy wind tunnel and makes the room cold.

I did a lot today, so I enjoyed a rest/nap from about 15:00 to 16:00, then got up and showered.  On the way back from the zoo I saw the zebras and a very curious goat who ran towards the fence to see kids that were also on the trail. I got back, posted some shit on Facebook, then headed to the post office and the smaller/bit homelier version of Denmark's Target, called Fotex; the place I saw yesterday. The post office was confusing but I got it figured out. Turns out, for future post cards, I can just use stamps. At Fotex I got a lock for the rest of my travels, salad mix, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, green pepper, bananas and a greek yogurt for breakfast. All that for about 168 Krono. My 2 meals here were 150 and 155, respectively, which is exactly why I also got a set of 3 tupperware containers! I have 2 ready-made salads and one full of snack veggies. I should be set for a bit! Also, I'll be in Berlin tomorrow and per MK, food is cheap there. I'm definitely getting a currywurst tomorrow!

I don't have to check out until 10:00 so I think I'll go for a small jog, shower/pack (hopefully my clothes will be mostly dry) and on my way to Hamburg shortly after 10:00. It's likely that I can't check into the hostel in Berlin until 17:00 or so, but I should at the very least be able to store my pack there upon arrival. I have to see if there's anything worth seeing in Hamburg, or even in the Danish town on the next island West, and by 'worth it' I mean worth paying to store my pack or it's coming with me.

I thought of buying some booze at the store, or about going out tonight, but in my opinion it's both wasted money and calories, a bad combo. I've decided, again, to wait until I'm in Berlin and cheaper. So tonight I'll just walk around the East part of Odense, see the HC House/Museum and just see how I feel in general. If I feel compelled to do something, I certainly will. I'm thankful that I never have to even think about what time it will get dark/what time I can't explore, haha. The sun still stays up until about 23:30.

Importantly, I must again lend praise to my sense of direction/ability to get around. While in the kitchen preparing/storing my groceries I met an Asian-American who works/goes to school at ..... DENVER UNIVERSITY OF ALL FUCKING PLACES!!! She asked me where I got my stuff, so I showed her on my iPod and told her how cheap it was. Then she complained/remarked that there was no traditional Danish fare; so I disagreed, told her about Carlslund and my beautiful walk, and told her how to get to the trail. It made me realize that a combo of maps on my iPod and my general know-how I'm lucky and get to see things that others may never know about. The flip side to that is there must be so much more that I don't know about and is still waiting for exploration! I can't see all the places, but I'm so grateful that I have seen such beauty and nature here. I can't say I'd happily leave Odense for anywhere but Germany. That being said, I must remember that Berlin is likely to be more congested and dirty, therefore stressful. In Berlin it'll be essential for me to try and be more social and not withdraw due to anxiety. There will certainly be some beautiful parks to discover and I want to see 'The Wall'!

I'm pretty sure that about catches me up. Time to do some travel planning :) Note: Flensburg/Hamburg seem uneventful so I'm going straight to Berlin.

22:45 Odense Hostel
New Plan for Tomorrow:

1. Forget jogging, I'm here to explore!
2. To maximize #1, get to Berlin as early as possible, this way I can take advantage of tomorrow's free use of the S-Bahn to see some of the outer parts of Berlin :)

I'm proud; I felt hungry and opted for carrots and an apple instead of sweets or booze (I'm saving those for Berlin!). Also, after looking around the HC Hus and East side, I really felt satisfied with my time here, which is when I came up with my new plan. No place/person particularly spoke to me, so I came back to pack and re-schedule.

Odense to Flensburg 08:03

Flensburg to Hamburg 12:13

Hamburg to Berlin 12:39

Once There : Go to tourist info or pick an attraction from the iPod app; drop off pack at the hostel (hopefully); explore and currywurst, schnitzel or cake!

Travel Day 10: Sunday, 6/24/2012

08:15 Train to Kobenhavn/Odense
On the train to Kobenhavn and feeling a bit pissy.  Upon reflection I believe some points of origin are:

1. Leaving the comfort of my friends and striking out on my own
2. Knowing I have to carry my pack everywhere now
3. Fear of not having enough money
4. There's too many Americans around

Funny but true, there's a quintessential family of Jews right next to me and it makes me remember why I need to stay here, I just can't deal with constantly dissatisfied people.  I've found my way out of that trap and so can they! That family also reminds me what a fucking nightmare it would be to vacation with family. I'm definitely doing it the right way. The boy/girl kids seriously look 30ish/late 20ish, what would possess them to do that?!

One thing I forgot to mention is that I luckily found I can use my card! By lucky happenstance I activated a PIN for it [years ago], which enables me to use it here.  I discovered this when I bought my tunelbana pass. I slide the card and it asked for a PIN.  At first I panicked and stupidly put in my debit card PIN, then when it inevitably told me it was wrong I just used my go-to 4 digit code and closed my eyes and prayed as I pressed enter... SUCCESS! I was so relieved that I went a bit overboard on my spending that day, buying a cute top and sunglasses for about $50/400 crown.  It's versatile and really cute though.  I'm going to try not to spend any [of my] American money so I can put it back in my account.

Dinner last night definitely did not disappoint. It was an adorable warm and cozy Eritrean (like Ethiopian) restaurant located in a tunelbana station. I had a combo platter and every single component was phenomenal.  It was all situated in little clumps atop a sourdough pancake thing. Everyone filled up on the bread, and while it went well with the spicy dishes I preferred just to eat the main components without a lot of extra bread.  I polished off everything no problem! Here's a run down:

• Dark chicken dish with sweet and spicy combo [favorite meat]
• Cubed beef with spicy combo and some peppers, onions and jalapeños
• Mashed turnips [I think]
• Potatoes, kind of Indian-style with other veggies [favorite veggie]
• Spinach that reminded me of saag but much less creamy [almost my favorite]
• Something massed and orange-ish in color but not flavor, topped with jalapeño
• A boiled egg that had soaked up the flavor of the chicken in the middle

The dinner party consisted of all the people from the BBQ the night before plus MB's husband and a good time was had by all.  The food was only 139 Crown (~$14)!

Afterwards we went to the 'Loch and Quay' [phonetically 'Lock and Key'] and I had their version of an Irish Coffee with an orange-ish, sweet and very strong liquor, delicious, then a glass of their house red.  A bit sweet for my taste, but still pleasant.  At first when I approached JS about a job he seemed not to respond, saying he had some ideas for me but not actually telling me what they were.  I left him my info and he gave me a guide with all their restaurants on them and before I left he promised to keep me in mind and email me.  All I can do is wait, I did what I could.  This is just one pilot light I will start in my new 'pursuit of happiness'. 

MB and her husband got up to see me off this morning and I'm really going to miss them.  With my transformation I find MB as endearing as ever without getting annoyed with her because of my jealously of her ability to feel and express emotions.  Though I'll never be like her, I can be compassionate and nonjudgmental, therefore there is no longer a need for me to resent her because she can.

True to the 'Dragon Tattoo' series, they really do eat sandwiches for breakfast! We were just served with a nice and seedy/nutty roll, ham, swiss, lettuce, cucumber, red pepper and some kind of strawberry lime breakfast yogurt/juice.  It was good! I also snagged some extra fruit for my travels. Ok! I should be caught up for a bit. Time for reading or or listening to The Hunger Games.

10:00 On Some Train, Somewhere Between Stockholm and Kobenhavn

Some Danish Phrases: *The result of Wi-Fi in 1st class*

Thank You - Tak

Please - Vaer Sa Venlig

Hello - Hej

Excuse Me - Undskyld Mig

[NOTE: A lot of the words have letters/accents that I can't display in html, haha]

Traditional Danish Food:

Meatballs - Frikaldeller

Rye Bread - Rugbrod

Open Sandwich [Lunch] - Smorrebrod

Roast Pork - Flaeskesteg/Ribbenstag

Poached Cod - Kogt torsk [w/ mustard sauce]

Soured Milk, Grated Rye Bread and Brown Sugar [typical local Breakfast] - Ymerdrys

Split Pea Soup w/ Pork and Veggies - Gule aerter

Shrimp - Rejer = Death [I'm allergic]

Meatballs in Curry w/ Rice and Cucumber - Boller Karry

Chicken - Kylling

Pork, Bacon, Apple and Onion [aka Apple Pork] - Acbleflaesk

Sausage Wagon [Traditional Fast Food] - Polsevogen

Red Sausage - Rode Poleser

Inn - Kro

Pork is the most common meat and, as in Germany, Turkish/Middle Eastern fast food is common.

16:00 Train to Odense 

NOTE: I had a 2-3 hour layover in Kobenhavn before taking a Train to my Denmark destination of Odense; I went out mostly to see a Castle and Cemetery I saw on a map on my way to Stockholm a fews days prior. [Link to Kobenhavn Pics]

Caught the 15:50 train to Odense with literally seconds to spare and I booked it back from the castle in Kobenhavn.  I now feel thoroughly disgusting and dirty. I really must be honest, Kobenhavn is a positively disgusting city. I'm so glad (I hope!) that I'm staying in Odense. It was just so dirty. The park was nice, but still dirtier than Germany or Sweden. The area around the train station feels downright unsafe. The cemetery would've been nice, but I was a feeling anxious and hungry and didn't walk around. I felt I needed food, but likely just seeking comfort because I felt so disgusted with the city, so I went to a sandwich/pizza place.  The bread was amazing and they toasted it/melted the cheese and it was only 39 Krona! Checking my bag [at the train station] cost 55! The guy was really nice too and talked to me [or at least tried]. I obviously couldn't read the menu so we worked together, haha. I was extremely satisfied for the price and quality of the food. Plus, I really just needed to refuel. Even though I spent all morning sitting, my anxiety is keeping my appetite high.  Now I need to decide if I want to try a traditional danish place for dinner or just go to a grocery store. This will be a common topic of decision for me.

I really can't wait to take a shower. The castle was cool looking but I didn't get a ticket to look inside because I just wasn't interested in spending anymore time in Kobenhavn then I had to. Even if it wasn't cold, windy and rainy, I'm still not sure it would be a pretty place; I found it quite literally gross. I hope that I'm not, but suspect that I am, warping my perception to make it seem worse than it is, but our energies were clashing big time and I look forward to the more intimate setting of Odense.

I also can't expect much from the hostel, as I remember the hostel in Uppsala being in a bad/ugly part of town.  I'll have to wait to thoroughly explore tomorrow. 

19:40 Oriental BBQ Restaurant; Odense, Denmark [Link to Pics]

At an Oriental BBQ buffet and I thought I'd journal after salad and my first plate of meat so I can build up momentum for round #2, haha. I'm so ML's daughter.

Well, I can honestly say I've never been so happy to be right in all my fucking life. Odense is positively chambering and beautiful; I can't wait to go exploring all day tomorrow! I plan to walk all day and see as much as possible, then have a nice traditional meal at that one restaurant down near the zoo and maybe bar hop a bit tomorrow evening. 

The hostel is fantastic, better than some hotels I've been in and I can do laundry before I go. (Shit, I think I'm having a slight allergic reaction-H2O time! Good thing I brought Benadryl.) Anyway, I feel perfectly safe leaving my stuff there, all the doors lock via key cards. The city itself is gorgeous and reminds me a lot of Esslinger and Uppsala. The streets are wider than Esslinger, and there's more parks like Uppsala. The train station and hostel are virtually connected, making it really easy to find my way. Basically I'm at the far North and everything lies South; very easy to find my way. I'm so so very relieved. Kobenhavn had me pretty concerned. Ok, I think it's time for 1 more plate and some ice cream :)

22:01 Odense Hostel

Holy friggin' full. I intentionally overate to fuel through for tomorrow. After reading some brochures I think I'll just slowly walk to the traditional Danish restaurant, Restaurant Carlslund, about 50 minutes South. I'll walk through Munke Mose, near the zoo, and through another part [of town]; all of it along the Odense River. Should be an incredible walk! After re-fueling I'll come back to Odense, maybe nap and then go out on the town. Apparently a trendy cafe, Franck A off of Junbanegade, just North of Vestergade, turns into a club at night. Might be worth checking out, it's really close after all.

I'd also like to stop at a big store I saw at Vindegade and Vesterbro, mail post cards and do laundry. I may save those items for Tuesday morning, we'll see. There's supposed to be a post office  around Vestergade and Brandt passage, I was near there today and its near that store too, so I'll definitely do that at the same time, Tuesday morning. The laundry I'll have to do tomorrow though... I really don't want to, haha.

Can I just mention again how much I'm enjoying Odense? I had a great post-dinner walk and now I'm lounging. I should sleep well tonight, but am really gonna take it easy food-wise tomorrow. I seriously indulged today, admittedly cuz I felt sick and shaky in Kobenhavn, so I over did-it, but it's ok. Everything will balance and at least my bowels are working! Woot. Gonna write my post cards then call it a night!

Oh, and it turns out there's a sheet, blanket and pillows, but actually white sheets and a towel are extra. Luckily, I don't need such things. Thank goodness I took that goofy small towel from MB's! I hope she doesn't miss it.. I didn't tell her I was 'borrowing' it... To Bed!

Travel Day 9: Saturday, 6/23/2012

11:05 Train to Uppsala [Link to Pics]
So much to write! I'm actually thankful that I'm taking the day trip to Uppsala today alone, as it gives me time to journal and a 40 minute ride to reflect on my experiences thus far.

I arrived at night and MB and I went to her apartment in Odensplan and talked a bit then went to bed.  I didn't sleep well; likely a combo of having not slept well the night before, 16+ hours on trains and the fact that it doesn't get dark here, seriously, it's always at least dusky, never dark.  The counterpart to that is that it is pitch black outside of 8:30 to 15:30 in the winter.  People feel depressed and almost always sleep.  From week to week the time for rise/set is 40 minutes/week variation!  Compared to 1-2 minutes/day (about 10 minutes/week I'd say) variation in the States.

Anyway, it's crazy beautiful here, Stockholm is actually a series of islands that are so close you don't really notice at ground level.  Here's a run down of the wonderful people/places and, of course, food!

1. Thursday (6/21/2012) [Link to Pics] - Walked all over Stockholm with MB and we took a boat to the island with the amusement park on it and an animal place (Swenson?).  We had an amazing lunch at a cafe with a beautiful garden.  I had a salad with really good chicken and 2 desserts; a lemon cheesecake, which was light and fluffy instead of our dense version, and a mound of baked coconut, basically a macaroon on steroids.  We walked/talked some more, hung out by the water for a bit; I cried while telling MB about CW, but then I've always let my emotional guard down around MB and told her as much.  That night we went to a traditional Swedish restaurant and I had reindeer stew and a great glass of Organic Rioja.  We were immediately served a huge basket of 4 types of bread, 3 crispy, 1 rustic; all delicious and wheaty.  The stew knocked me off my feet; the meat's flavor is so distinct, comparable only to venison, only better! They serve it in a creamy sauce of mushroom, onion and pepper; it was slightly spicy-hot from the pepper and positively perfect.  There was also 'Potatoes Diane' which seemed like twice baked and crunchy-topped mounds of simple potato deliciousness.  It obviously wasn't tainted with massive amounts of salt, butter or cream.  Lastly, there was a small dish of lingonberries which tasted like homemade cranberry sauce, only better.  I also tried half of one of MB's husband's swedish meatballs, which was indescribably the best meatball I'd ever had.  We also got dessert, 3 small portions of Cappuccino Panna Cotta, Rhubarb Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream and a Rock Road Brownie - all perfect.  The meal was their treat and the kindest gesture for a traveling Summer.  The meal was spot-on perfect, as was the conversation, and I got a solid's night sleep.  On the way to the restaurant (we walked there, quite a haul, it's in Slussen) we passed a bar and I suddenly recognized a familiar symbol - THE LEFT HAND! Not 10 minutes down the road at home and here it is in Slussen, Stockholm! I took a picture the next day while we were in the area again, I want to for the guys back home.  Apparently, this bar is famous for their diverse beers.  Oh, also during dinner, I told MB's husband that I'd love to take his friend and him out while they're in CO next month.  It'll be great to see him again so soon in my neck of the woods! MB will be in St. Louis with her Grandmother. [Fun Fact: I got that very opportunity via a surprise call on my birthday!]
2. Friday (6/22/2012) - Midsummer Eve! Apparently they celebrate everything here on the eve of the holiday instead of the actual holiday [Today, Saturday, is Midsummer].  MB and I packed a great lunch of salad, smoked salmon, this amazing type of cheese that is like swiss on more flavorful steroids, some of the crispy bread that's popular here/Wasa and hummus that MB made from scratch.  I also packed one of my 7% pear ciders - Swedish made.  [NOTE: You have to buy booze from the government run store.  Only some let you grab what you need and pay, others like the one we went to, have huge displays, you write down the number and quantity, take a number and wait to make a purchase.  In general, booze is super expensive here.]  We met MB's friend JE in Slussen and took a bus, then walked up to a park surrounding a beautiful church.  We watched a traditional rising and dancing around the May Pole ceremony.  I was feeling a bit pissy and didn't like JE much at first.  She has a strong personality and I find it threatening to my ego.  I carefully checked my motives, found them irrational, opened my cider and told myself to get a grip and relax.  And I did.  We spent hours talking, laughing and eating in the sun.  My head got burned, but I tanned everywhere else.  JE's friend JS, a UK ex-pat, came to met us and I liked him very much.  He's the manager of the 'Loch and Quay' on the water front of Stockholm, a  quaint-cool hang out MB had actually pointed out to me the day before.  He's 42 and has been in Stockholm 12 years.  He wanted some beer after about 3 hours so I joined him in a walk cuz I was getting restless and tired of sitting in the sun.  We had a great chat about nothing in particular, just easy friendly conversation.  I told him I felt the same way about the States that he felt about the UK, we'd always felt like foreigners in our own country.  Since JS is working tonight, I suggested we all go to the L and Q for a drink on my last night here and everyone agreed.  We're also going out for Ethiopian food beforehand!  We left the park around 16:30 and went back to MB's to prepare our grilling supplies before heading over to her other friend's, RB, a gay Aussie who'd literally just flown back from a trip to London with his Mom. [Holy crap,  we're in Uppsala already!]  We had a fantastic night of grilling, talking and drinking at RB's.  His Mom and he are also joining us for dinner and drinks tonight [Saturday].  I pounded water before bed around 00:30 and again at 04:00, and surprisingly avoided a hangover despite 2 ciders and a glass of Rose. [Time to explore!]

13:20 Uppsala

After about an hour of walking around the most beautiful cemetery I've ever seen and looking in a cool cathedral with huge graves featuring all types of extravagant decor, I'm taking a break for some coffee and food.  It's really beautiful here, everything is very old.  It's basically Stockholm's Gamla Stan expanded to an entire town.  Also, the entire town seems to be the University because I see signs/buildings everywhere.

After my refreshment I'm headed in the direction of a sign I'm pretty sure had the word 'Garden' in it, haha.  The tourist office is closed for Midsummer. [Side Note: I've noticed that Canadian Tuxedos are extraordinarily popular here, and in Germany too.  I'm sorry, but it's just tacky.]

Getting back to my experiences from yesterday.  It seems incredible to me that I feel so much at home here.  In one day I've already begun making plans with friends, haha.  Tonight I'm seriously going to ask JS if any of his bars/restaurants are hiring.  He is one of a large group that runs several in Stockholm.  I'm familiar with the business and though I may not want to do it forever, I can at least use it as a way to come over here.  This entered my head just as I was falling asleep yesterday.  There's certainly no harm in asking.

One interesting point about yesterday's convos with MB: I learned things about JM (Adopted Asian JM) and other things that I never knew before and it gave me a better and more sincere, compassionate love and understanding for MB.  Also, during dinner last night we were talking about the chef profession as JE's ex-husband was a chef.  I didn't say much, I was slightly uncomfortable.  Then I realized if JE has the strength to speak indifferently about an ex-husband, I should also have strength.  Actually, I just realized that was the 2nd time I chose to keep my trap shut yesterday.  We were in the park and talking about the youngest person we'd had sex with and sex in general.  JE started this by asking JS about his youngest [18 when he was 42 - good job!] and then asked MB if it got better with marriage.  In truth, I think JE brought it up cuz she likes JS and she was doing the girl-baiting thing, likely to her own painful detriment.  Anyway, I said I wasn't weighing in as I'd never really been satisfied with sex.

Wow, I am capable of not offering my opinion, though here are 2 subjects I usually over share on. I consider this growth! I knew, though I'd have plenty to say, none of it was particularly positive so I chose to listen instead; yes, that is definitely growth for me!  I want people to know what I like and what makes me happy, that's what's important to me.  The other stuff comes up, but is more intimate and requires a deeper trust/relationship, so I can be sure I have the proper support in expelling that negative energy.  Honestly, I think this is great and exactly in-line with the principles with which I want to continue my life, but I obviously execute those principles more easily here.  I didn't even realize what I had done until today.  It gives me hope.

So far this has already been such an incredible lesson/test/affirmation I can hardly bare to see what else is next; and I'm still waiting for my 'Surprise.'

I'll definitely be writing about tonight, but likely not until I'm on the train to Kobenhaven tomorrow morning.  Oh, I fell really accomplished because this morning I took the tunelbana to T-Centralen, got reservations for both the train tomorrow and on July 4th and found the train to Uppsala, all without a hitch.  Woot.  *Remember to email everyone before leaving Stockholm/internet*

15:00 Train to Stockholm
On a train that leaves in 10 mins for Stockholm.  My legs/feet are ready for some rest.  In summary, Uppsala is absolutely wonderful.  I appreciate the fact that the symbol for the town is a gold/crowned Lion agains a blue background [same colors as the Swedish flag].  There aren't many main streets but they are busy and packed with shops and such.  Once you get off the main streets however, the entire town is like one big pedestrian park with bike and walking paths.  The cemetery alone was well worth the trip! The air is fragrant with the smell of growth and it's very quiet other than the sounds of the birds or rain drops on trees.  Truly delightful.  The canal was especially pretty to walk along.  I think I missed that one park, but found another small one, plus and area that had to be a co-op harden because there were many different/distinct lots.  I ended up taking a piece of bread when I left that cafe, it was super dense and packed with nuts and grains.  It was great fuel! Very dark, but didn't fast like pumpernickel.

Anyway, Uppsala is obviously a great alternative to Stockholm; quaint and quiet but with lots of stuff and still assimilated and international.  I could easily settle here!  I'll have to mention that to LW when I get back.  I think I may walk around Gamla Stan a bit more when I get back to Stockholm.

I almost forgot to mention my 2 interesting tunelbana occurrences yesterday:

1. To RB's: A Swedish guy stood stock in from of me, said about one sentence in swedish and walked away.  I asked MB what he said and she didn't know.  I said that he must've been telling me I'm the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and MB agreed.  Reiterating that it was more likely than not along the lines of what he'd said.  Woot.
2. On the way home: We'd just gotten off at Odensplan and someone asked me where I was from; I said Denver.  They started wooing and hollering about CO and one short guy [there were 2 guys and 1 girl, all dark/black] said he played for the Nuggets.  I told him he was too short, haha. 

NOTE: In each case the people were very drunk, but it was still fun.