Thought of the Day 1/31/2012

The ability to recognize that the right thing to do is nothing at all, abstinence from action, indicates profound wisdom.  Knowing when it is best to say nothing, however, represents a step beyond wisdom; enlightenment. 

E = mc^2

I was watching the news on the elliptical this morning and during a commercial I saw the familiar physical formula/law for which Einstein is famous: E = mc^2

Though it's obvious to most, I had never before contemplated the fundamental physical ramifications of this formula, which is simply that anything with a non-zero mass carries an incredible amount of energy.  The only way the energy could equal zero is if the mass is also zero, simple mathematics.  Allow me to explain.

E = Energy
m = Mass of object
c = Speed of light (3.81x10^8 meters/second)  

The term c^2 in itself equals 1.45x10^17 m/s! Do you have any idea how friggin' fast that is?! Though I don't keep up with daily headlines in physics, I don't believe humans have achieved moving anything at the speed of light yet (please correct me if I'm wrong), let alone that speed squared; it is beyond all human comprehension.  Multiply that by the mass of an object, no matter how small and seemingly non-existent, and you've got a damn lot of energy.  Physicists have found that particles we once thought to be finite like protons, neutrons and electrons, are actually composed of even smaller sub-atomic particles like quarks and leptons.  Humans will never be able to see these particles, but since they have a non-zero mass, they nevertheless carry an astounding amount of energy.  Even waves have mass!  In short, nothing that exists in our physical world has zero mass thus everything has energy, even things that we can't see, hear or otherwise conceive of with our mind. 

Here comes the really cool part.  Our bodies are nothing but a complex mixture of compounds composed of Carbon (C), Nitrogen (N), Oxygen (O) and Hydrogen (H).  These basic elements are themselves composed of various numbers of protons, neutrons and electrons and their associated sub-atomic particles, all of which carry their own distinct amount of mass and energy.  The forms these elements take in our bodies range from water (H2O), to glucose/sugar (C6H12O6), to the waste product urea (CH4N2O), not to mention our elaborate cellular machinery and organelles such as enzymes, DNA and the 'powerhouse' mitochondria.  Do you see why I became a biologist? This isn't even the tip of the iceberg!  Logically, we are all comprised of these same basic elements, compounds and molecules each carrying distinct amounts of energy, the sum of which encompasses the total energy force of our body; an incredibly huge amount at that, according to Einstein's formula.   Anyway, the mind-blowing realization is that we are all different amounts of the same basic energy, and thus connected by the same energetic forces; they are both who we are, and what makes up everyone and everything around us!

So what's the point of all this? Realizing that everything is fundamentally composed of the same energy is an astounding concept and can inspire true connectedness with our physical world, along with everyone and everything in it.  Furthermore, realizing that everything has its own distinct energy makes the invisible world seem more real and powerful, though it eludes our senses. 

I personally find this underlying connectedness extremely comforting.  Also, as we come to appreciate what a small part our own energy contributes to the world of vast energetic forces, it makes one feel insignificant like a grain of sand in an expansive beach.  Though this idea scares and/or confuses most people, I would urge everyone to embrace and enjoy this connectedness, as well as their individual insignificance, it is very humbling.

Now you know why I love my workouts, they're great for the body and the mind!

Interestingly, in the Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, he tackles this concept alchemically.  I won't spoil the book for you, but it's really intriguing and worth a read.  http://www.amazon.com/Lost-Symbol-Dan-Brown/dp/1400079144/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327935833&sr=8-1

Thought of the Day 1/30/2012

I realized this morning that even the Bums and Vagrants of Colorado eat better than the average American.  People are constantly passing fresh fruit and organic snacks to them through their car windows and  I've personally donated apples and kashi bars.  They rarely get money, but they easily acquire whole foods which is phenomenally superior to the processed crap so many people choose to eat, and worst still, feed their children. 

Ponderings of Articles Past and Future

Dear Readers,

I just wanted to express what's been on my mind since posting "Thoughtful Diffusion."  First of all, I feel the blog is becoming a bit unbalanced.  Because of my current transition and soul-searching, I've been writing more about spirituality and the new principles I'm practicing, which at best will seem extremely odd to 99% of the human population.  I apologize for the authoritative tone, and would beg you to believe that I cannot yet myself so simply let go of  habitual, destructive, thoughts as I described in "Thoughtful Diffusion".  In fact, I've spent the last two days having a heart-to-heart with my shit sandwich, feeling like Ms. Pissy Pants to boot.  We are human and will always experience these emotions; the best we can do is create some space between who we truly are and the extent to which we allow those emotions to rule our lives.  It is a practice I implement everyday. I have felt the benefits and therefore wanted to present ideas via tangible analogies in hopes others will also experience some relief from whatever form of suffering they experience (depression, anxiety, addiction, etc). 

This is a completely new realm for me as I've been a scientific-biological thinker for years, with no room for anything more powerful than either myself, and what I can control, or the physical laws that govern our universe.  Having had a spiritual awakening, I see the error of my ways.  Critically, however, this awakening must happen within every individual for themselves.  There is nothing I can directly say or do to conjure awareness or bring forth consciousness from within others.  The worst aspect of religion is the concept of conversion, as if you can make someone a believer.  Ludicrous.  Conversion is the antithesis of my goal, I have no religious affiliation nor do I believe in putting a label on the indescribable.   I only wish to remind people of what they already know, but life may have made them forget. So, I will continue to present analogies, without personal opinion, and your 'Car-Driver-Passenger' can do with the information as they see fit. On a final spiritual note, I'll ask you to ponder this: have you ever known something deep-down to be the truth, though your mind refuses to believe and/or understand it?   Conversely, have you ever believed something in your mind, yet felt in your deepest layer of being that is simply wasn't true?

Any-who, this stuff really intrigues me, but I feel the need to drop the spiritual tone in my articles at present and begin delighting you all with stories of my past experiences; particularly pertaining to my life-long struggle with weight and anxiety.  Life, it turns out, is quite hilarious.  In seeing how ridiculous my own behaviors have been throughout the years, I hope to inspire readers and encourage everyone to take their thoughts and emotions with a grain of salt and not too seriously.  My favorite saying is: 'Hindsight is 20/20,' and oh how those words are true! Upon reflection and scrutiny, its painfully easy to see how ridiculous we have acted.  Come on, you know you've done some stupid shit too! And to what end?  Did acting that way actually get us what we wanted? Sometimes Yes, but mostly No.   

So, I invite you all to laugh at my ridiculousness along with me.  Even if there's nothing relatable to your own experiences, I hope at least to provide some entertainment. 

Summer

Thought of the Day 1/27/2012

When emerging from darkness, regardless of the duration of residence there, entering into the light can be painful and alarming, causing one to question whether they made the right decision to leave their old comfortable situation, despite being aware of its darkness.  Remain patient and allow time to transition into the new environment.  The warm powerful light will seem strange at first, but consciously remaining still provides clarity and one will find the path forward is naturally visible; the feet simply need to lead the way instead of the mind.

Thought of the Day 1/23/2012

Oh Patience, thou art an elusive bitch.

Thought of the Day 1/21/2012

Today I spent 10 minutes trying to get into my apartment with my spare key, which I knew only worked when it wanted too.  Finally, with two red hands I decided to ask for help. The office manager not only let me into my apartment, but told me why my spare key wasn't working and explained the inner workings of locks; valuable information to be sure.

Lesson:  Knowing when to give up and ask for help is priceless.
Goal:  Have a new key made, or only try for 5 minutes before asking for help next time.

Thoughtful Diffusion

[‘Understanding Spirituality in Logical Terms,’ posted 12/19/2011 serves as the introduction to this article]

When I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Order (GAD) in 2006 it did not come as a surprise to me. I was fully aware that I often allowed my thoughts to completely absorb me, causing excessive worry.  In fact I would often swim around in them for fun, playing out different scenarios of past, present and future.  This type of mindset was so engrained in me that I made a career out of it by becoming a scientist.  Scientists are professionally trained to acquire all necessary background knowledge then approach a question or issue from every possible angle.  I would often find that I analyzed so profoundly, however, that when I backed up and tried to regain a sense of the big picture all I saw were puzzle pieces.  The fun did not stop there; I extended this level of analysis into every aspect of my life and therefore always found ample sources of worry and stress.  It was hell in there some days and I felt like drilling a hole in my head to stop the madness. The thoughts would play on a loop that I could not slow down, kind of like ‘The Song that Doesn’t End.’  Unconsciously, I enjoyed analyzing everything because its absence left only silence and boredom, which 99.9% of Humans find intolerable including me.  I continued driving myself crazing, jumping from thought to thought; all the while playing the victim card because I felt hopeless to control the habitual thinking-analysis cycle.  This cycle is GAD.  I knew full-well that there was nothing different between my condition and every other Human Mind on earth, only that my GAD had been confirmed by someone with a piece of paper with shiny letters.  Anxiety, GAD, compulsive, habitual thinking, being completely lost in thought, is the Human condition.

GAD for each human varies but always revolves around one fact: for better or worse, humans are thinkers.  Those pre-frontal cortexes of our brains, which make us distinctly human, keep us in a constant cycle of thought, analysis, emotion and action.  Name it and we think about it: to-do lists, careers, cars, money, babies, relationships, health, spirituality, politics, food, vacations, boredom, beliefs, puppies, hobbits, Kardashians, Facebook, on and on.  Though not all thoughts are negative, indeed some keep us from sticking our head in a deep fryer; most days the sheer volume is overwhelming.  For the average human thoughts relate to either their past, typically good or bad memories and feelings of guilt or longing, or hopes for obtaining goals and material things in the future, or fears that their goals will never be met along with a failure to attain the necessities of life.  The habitually negative thoughts, however, can create anxiety that goes on to cause significant physical and mental health issues.  Breaking this habit therefore becomes critical for one’s quality of life.  Know that it is possible to control these thoughts and break the cycle, creating some room for peace of mind, but it takes work.  As sure as a physical habit like nose-picking can be broken, so too can mental habits, but both require conscious effort.  In practicing to let them go, anxiety fades and life becomes manageable and even happy! To do this a person needs only realize one truth: You are not your thoughts and emotions.

This likely seems like an extremely odd statement, but stick with me and I’ll attempt to explain how to practice this realization.  First, I’ll give an example of a natural process for comparison, called diffusion, along with a visualization which will help illustrate this principle and letting go of thoughts.  Once thoughts and emotions are released they become distinct entities, and their ability to wield power over the Mind becomes a choice instead of a habit.  Finally, I’ll give examples of thoughts and scenarios to give this realization substance, allowing people to practice with their own thoughts and emotions by comparison.

DIFFUSION

It’s time for a biology lesson! Diffusion is simply the natural flow of a molecule across a barrier and down its concentration gradient, from high concentration to low concentration. This is nature’s way to ensure balance.  Relating strictly to water and liquids, this process is called Osmosis.  For our purposes we can keep things simple; when there’s a lot of ‘stuff’ contained within an object, and that object is immersed into something else which contains no ‘stuff,’ the ‘stuff’ will naturally flow out of the first object and into the new surrounding space, down its concentration gradient.

There are many real-world examples that illustrate diffusion.  Are you familiar with the phrase ‘Gone like a fart in the wind’?   If so, you know it represents the natural diffusion of smelly methane gas from the high concentrations within your ass, out into the expansive space around you which lacks this gas.  In this case it’s possible to sense the concentrations changing as the smell of the fart, diffusion of methane gas, fades as it decreases in concentration.  Processes of nature at work! Instinctively it becomes clear that this process is spontaneous and occurs without any input of energy.  In other words, nothing is needed to get the ball rolling. Therefore, it logically follows that energy is required to keep ‘stuff’ inside. This is key, a system must input and/or expend energy to keep ‘stuff’ from diffusing down its concentration gradient.

VISUALIZATION (See Picture Below)

Everybody with me so far?  Anyone need a bathroom break?  Ok, next we’ll apply the concept of diffusion to a simple visualization and drive my point home before providing some ideas about how to practice realizing that ‘You are not your thoughts.’  Imagine a huge lake.  The surface of the water is subject to the turbulence of the ever-changing weather; sometimes extremely wavy and chaotic, other times completely calm. Now place the Mind and Body at the bottom of the lake, a place so deep the weather has no affect; where it is always tranquil, nothing but endless watery space.  So there they are beneath the huge expansive lake and inevitably a habitual thought pops in.  This initial thought then gives rise to memories and emotions, which cause more thoughts and emotions, and suddenly your head is packed with anxiety-saturated thoughts.  Here the diffusion process would typically allow the concentrated thoughts in the head to pop out into the surrounding space, where there are no thoughts.  The thoughts would naturally travel down their concentration gradient, from the highly concentrated head out into the nothingness of the watery abyss.

So why the hell don’t they?  What keeps them inside the head against their natural inclination?  Emotional Energy.   The energy that keeps the initial thought inside was supplied by none other than the Mind and Body. That energy comes in the form of emotions and subsequent thoughts that arise after the initial thought occurs. It’s the cycle at work, producing energy which keeps the thoughts in high and dangerous concentrations within the head.  This occurs so habitually that the person is completely unaware of their energy expenditure.  Indeed, emotions are so natural that we forget that they are physical energy and have power, over both ourselves and others.  Once that first thought is given additional mental and emotional energy, those thoughts are kept in circulation instead of naturally flowing out into the water of the lake.  Allowing the thoughts to leave can be achieved by one, acknowledging the first thought and consciously deciding to stop the energy flow, and two, finding a way to expend the emotional energy created by the thought.  Consciously choosing to control the thought and redirecting your attention, expressing the thoughts and emotions, will prompt the Mind to accept it and out into the lake it goes!

Here are some practical ways to accomplish control and redirection:

• Mind-Body Association; contract and relax the fists noticing the sensation of letting go, carry around something heavy and then feel the weight lift once its removed, skydive or base jump and feel the freeness of the fall, snap a rubber band against the wrist and say ‘stop’
• Exercise; running, biking, kick-boxing/punching, cardio-of-choice
• Meditate; visualization, prayer, chanting, abdominal breathing, stare at a meaningful object
• Create; writing, painting/drawing, singing, listening to and/or playing music, knitting, scrap-booking
• Observe Nature; hiking, walking, sitting in a park, bird-watching, gardening

CEASING THE THOUGHT CYCLE

All thoughts appear due to activity in our brains and it happens spontaneously as nerves fire.  Most make sense in the context of what we’re doing, seeing or hearing because they relate to one another, such as a certain scent or sight conjuring a memory.  The memories can then lead to further thoughts, which in turn lead to feelings of guilt, pain, pride or happiness; aka emotional energy.  We are again caught in the cycle until we’re so engrossed in our thoughts that we’re no longer in the present.  Instead we’re stewing in the past or projecting ourselves into the future, playing out different scenarios in each, none of which will ever actually happen.  So how do we stop it? Consciously say ‘stop,’ and realize that ‘You are not your thoughts.’

In understanding this difficult concept, take a typical thought that invades the minds of many throughout their lives: ‘If I don’t find someone to marry soon, I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life.’ Ouch. Instead of letting it naturally diffuse out into the lake, we give the thought emotional energy by feeling the ‘ouch’ and expanding it into a horrible future.  No longer in the present, we suddenly envision ourselves 5 years down the road, 20 pounds heavier, watching infomercials on a Saturday night, our 3 cats nestled at our sides.  Furthermore, we may mistakenly identify with, and believe, the initial thought because it was predicted by someone close to us.  In younger years our Mother, Father, Sibling or Friend may have warned us of such an outcome as a result of some innate character flaw.  For example, ‘you’re too [fill in the blank], you’ll never get someone to put up with you!’  Those words created emotional energy, an ‘ouch,’ when first heard, and instead of letting it go at the time, the energy created a memory.  The anxiety of a lifetime of loneliness has just been embedded into an otherwise insignificant, meaningless, thought.  A bit overwhelming isn’t it?

Now consider the less typical thought, ‘I want to be the Easter Bunny.’ Would anyone uncontrollably dwell on this idea or let it promote significant feelings and thoughts, other than mild amusement?  Are they going to go out and buy basket weaving kits, food coloring and eggs to start preparing for their new career? No, because this thought is not recognizable as the truth.  No one would identify with it or use memories, life experiences or future aspirations to build off of it, thus it does not have the power needed to remain inside the Mind.  The Mind therefore dismisses it easily and out it diffuses into the surrounding waters.

Fundamentally, however, these two thoughts have the same origin and same amount of validity, because they are only thoughts and a simple consequence of our firing neurons!  There is no real substance to them, only that which we attach.  The difference is how the person chooses to react to them; either to identify with the thought, or dismiss it as bullshit.  That’s worth restating: THE PERSON CHOOSES THE EMOTIONAL POWER BEHIND THEIR THOUGHTS.  In learning to control that power, try this; the next time you get pissed off, anxious or depressed instantly recognize the initial thought that caused the emotion and ask, ‘is that really true, or do I just think it is for some reason based in my past?’ Additionally, picture that thought physically being let go, release it into the lake.  There it is out there, but you’re still inside your inner space no longer under its spell.  Wave to it out there in the abyss, say hello; realize that the thoughts and emotions are out there and distinct from yourself, they can no longer control you. This is the fundamental realization that ‘You are not your thoughts and emotions.’ They are only in your inner space if you choose to allow them to remain. To drive this point home ask yourself in the moment, ‘Who am I.’ Answer truthfully and in relation to what is happening in that instance, and allow it to change from day to day.  Disregard what you thought you were or who you think you will become.  You can only be the ‘You’ that you are in that moment.  Deep shit, huh?

PRACTICE

Think of a memory from your childhood or any other time when you felt extreme guilt, anger, embarrassment, etc.  I’m willing to bet that certain sights, smells and sounds bring those memories back to the front of your Mind.  How long do you spend dwelling on how you could have done it differently, reacted differently or otherwise changed the situation; minutes, months, years?

Next, think of World War II and the holocaust. Picture how you would have done things differently, or envision Hitler holding hands with a bunch of Jews singing, ‘It’s A Small World After All.’   Did it work; did you stop the slaughter of thousands? Now you’re thinking, ‘But that’s ridiculous; how can I possibly change world history by picturing that?!’  BINGO, you can’t!  And here’s the catch: you’re just as able to change the fate of the world due to WWII as you are able to change the situations of your past.  So let those memories go already!  When they spring up refuse to expend your energy on them any longer and envision them naturally diffusing out.  Bring yourself back to what you are experiencing in that moment, like the car honking behind you because you’ve been stopped at a green light lost in thought.

If you want to spend an entire day or lifetime feeling like shit because … [Insert anything you often dwell on]..., go ahead; far be it for me to stop you.  Or, you can snap out of it, acknowledge the thoughts and emotions that arise but allow them to diffuse out into the lake. Did Mommy or Daddy scar you? Remind yourself that they did the best they could with the resources they had at the time, they would never have intentionally fucked you over. Hurt by something someone said? Ask yourself if they really meant it the way you interpreted it; if the answer is yes, fuck them they’re an asshole and that’s their issue, not yours.  Feel guilty about something you did long ago, or yesterday? Either forgive yourself by realizing that you made the best possible decision at the time, make amends to the person you hurt or otherwise find a way to fix the situation you caused.  It’s worth mentioning, to be fair, that it’s just as unhealthy to cling to, identify with, and dwell on pleasant or hopeful thoughts.  Remember Al Bundy’s continual obsession with reliving the glory days of his High School football career?

MY EXPERIENCE

The first time you practice this it will seem impossible, dumb, and you’ll likely get pissed at yourself for not doing it right because it didn’t seem to work; you still feel shitty.  Just remember that there is no right way or wrong way, the fact that you’re trying is good enough and practice makes perfect.  The first time this realization occurred to me was fairly bizarre.  Feeling like shit for the millionth time for the same old reasons, I noticed something was different: my attitude and willingness to do what was needed to obtain happiness and peace of mind. I wanted to release control of compulsive thinking habits and create a clean and calm inner space badly enough to practice changing the way I perceive my thoughts.  There were two options; I could walk around being the shit-sandwich and wallow in my misery, or I could take my shit-sandwich out for a walk and a bit of fresh air, the two of us walking side by side.  I distinguished my thoughts and feelings from my physical Self.  While walking I took in the view of the mountains, watched the clouds float by, felt the warm sun and breeze on my skin and experienced an epiphany. I realized that happiness is being with the things that I can see, smell and feel in each moment, and not living in the past or future. I left control behind, opened myself up to the possibilities of life, and saw that true suffering is dwelling on memories, thoughts, or someone else’s actions; none of which I can ever change.  Somewhere along the walk, I lost my shit-sandwich.  Every now and again I see it peaking around corners, but then I ask myself, ‘Who am I?’  And as long as the answer is, ‘not a shit-sandwich,’ I’m good to go.

Definition: Self-Esteem

Real self-esteem is taking responsibility for all thoughts, emotions and actions.  True, it is critical to forgive oneself for being Human, as we will all make mistakes, and also to feel good about and stick up for oneself; but if self-esteem means someone is ‘kicking ass and taking names,’ it also means they own the pink-slip to someone else’s bruised ass.  Be aware of the people that may be affected during displays of personal attitudes and insecurities.  People often justify their mistreatment of others by explaining life circumstances that happened to them and were beyond their control.  This is the number one most toxic thought Humans cling to; they say “I’m fucked up because this happened to me,” or “so-and-so made me feel that way.” Any thought of that nature is someone’s attempt to blame others for the condition of their life, which makes them feel powerless over their own life.  It follows that the powerless person compensates by pissing all over other people; and so the cycle continues.  Step one is owning the fact that nothing has ever happened to us; we all choose how to play the cards we're dealt in this game of life. Everything that has occurred in our lives up until now is fact, unchangeable, denying it pointless; so let's own how we treat others and the extent to which we allow others to affect our lives.

Thought of the Day 1/18/2012

Celery is Nature's dental floss.

Help Summer: Stevia

This will be the first of what I'll refer to as "Help Summer."  Don't think you can keep reading my wonderfully informative and enlightening articles without giving me some help and advice in return! Honestly, how selfish of you!

I started using Stevia trying to kick my bad artificial sweetener habit.  Since switching I've noticed the following:

1. It's a great flavor enhancer, my coffee's never tasted better; but it also increases the bitterness of my greek yogurt.
2. It doesn't taste sweet; instead is enhances the natural flavor then provides a sweet after-taste that lingers.
3. That after-taste, more of a feeling on my tongue than anything else, has stayed with me since beginning Stevia's use about two weeks ago. 
4. Artificial sweeteners I used to ignorantly enjoy immensely, mainly aspartame, now taste like shit.

What am I to do?  I have that constant stale taste in my mouth and nothing tastes explicitly sweet anymore. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions? I'm currently using the Target brand of Stevia, are other brands better (Sweet Leaf, Truvia, PureVia, etc.)?

Thought of the Day 1/17/2012

"What is a treasure and wisdom to one man always sounds like utter foolishness to another."
- Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

Thought of the Day 1/15/2012

While walking Charlie I noticed a playing card on the side of the road and thought "Uh oh, somewhere someone's not playing with a full deck!"

Spiritual Mechanics

[‘Understanding Spirituality in Logical Terms,’ serves as the introduction to this article]

I’ve always resented urban driving.  The constant stopping and delays peak my impatient and control-seeking personality traits.  Often one could witness my car weaving in and out of lanes coming within inches of other cars, rapidly accelerating through yellow lights and even the occasional red light, or being pulled over by the fuzz for any one of these or many other offenses.  One enlightening day, while my beloved Charlie rode with me in the backseat, I was focused not on the light directly in front of me, but the light after.  Hoping I could make it through both lights, because waiting two minutes just may be the death of me, I dropped a gear in true ‘Starsky’ fashion and began to accelerate.  Well, in turns out that you can’t make it through the second light when the driver in front of you decides to stop at the first light.  Realizing that I wasn’t making it through either light I quickly slammed my car into first gear, stomped on the brakes and watched a small yelping figure soar from the backseat into the dashboard.   As the fur settled I smelled the aroma of burnt rubber and observed the irate yells and gestures of other drivers.  Appalled by my own recklessness I asked, ‘who the fuck is driving my car?!’  In that moment it became clear that I consistently allowed an anxiety-saturated mad woman behind the wheel of my car, and in doing so I put everything I hold dear in serious danger.

We’re all familiar with the three components of human beings which together create wholeness; the Mind, Body and Soul.  This article represents a practical analogy to help elucidate how these pieces fit together, relate to one another, and how you can ensure their harmony and inner balance.  I will largely abstain from reflecting on my own understanding of the analogy, wanting each person to interpret it for themselves; but here’s the general concept:

1. Mind=Driver
2. Body=Car
3. Soul=Passenger (whatever/whomever you envision as wise, perfect, powerful , eternal, etc.)

NOTE: Regarding the Soul, its very existence in the human world is dependent on the Mind and Body.  This complicates the analogy, so please keep this critical point in mind.

DRIVER

The number one cause of all accidents is the Driver suffering from a classic case of ‘Head-Shoved-Up-Own-Ass’ syndrome.  They are unable to see, hear or operate their Car effectively, basically taking a piss all over the well-being of the Car and Passenger.  Not paying attention to the road they’re on, they obsessively preoccupy themselves by fearing the uncertainty of future routes or, still more pointless, putting their attention on where they’ve already been and wondering if they made the correct turns.  You turned, deal with it! Furthermore, trust that you had a good reason for turning, though it may elude you at present.  No one else can make you turn that wheel.  If it turns out to be the wrong road there’s good news, you can always turn around.  Continue to drive the route you’ve chosen knowing you have control of your Car and that your Passenger is there to help guide you. 

If you, like me, realize that you are driving recklessly, you have two options.   One, you can make a conscious decision to put an end to your carelessness and drive with mindfulness and consideration of your Car, Passenger and other Cars/Passengers; or Two, you can continue to drive like a maniac.  Either way, own that choice and take full responsibility for how you continue to drive your Car and Passenger, whose safety depend on those decisions.  If you end up in a ‘crash-and-burn’ situation, know that you have only yourself to blame.  Believe me, sometimes I get a wild hair in my ass and want to drive like OJ Simpson running from a bloody glove, in that moment it makes me feel alive and in control.  But when I end up dealing with a dented hood and a pissed-off Latino woman, I know that I created, indeed invited, that scenario into my life.

What happens as a result of these misplaced mental meanderings and flare for recklessness? The Driver ass-packs the car in front of them or runs over an animal; subsequently causing some kind of avoidable debacle.  

Fact: You can only navigate the road you are driving down at present.  Focusing on any other route will cause varying degrees of accidents, which may or may not involve innocent bystanders and loved-ones or cause permanent damage to your Car and Passenger.

Driving like ‘Urkel’:

• Concern yourself only with the road you’re on
• Don’t care what other drivers think of how your Car looks or your driving techniques; they’re only concentrating on your Driver and Car to distract themselves from the defects of their Car and their own bad driving habits
• Never try to drive someone else’s Car or let someone else drive your Car, and always respect the boundaries of the lines on the road
• Take responsibility for your maneuvers and don’t act surprised when you end up in a ditch
• Blaming others for accidents does not solve the issues that arise as a result; you are the only one who can repair the damage
• Obsessing over a previous accident will not change the road you’re on or the other Drivers/Cars next to you, but it can make you a better Driver by learning from the experience and letting go of blame
• Drive only when you can think clearly and are fully aware of your surroundings; don’t drive impaired, fall asleep behind the wheel or hot-box your Car
• Give other Drivers room to maneuver, especially when you notice them swerving suddenly or leaving their signal lights on for extended periods of time; they are obviously confused and should be avoided
• Don’t drive like a jerk to piss off other Drivers
• Be patient, if you get stuck in a traffic jam read a book, listen to music, talk to your Passenger or otherwise do something constructive instead of bitching about conditions you cannot change

CAR

How many times do you notice yourself saying ‘I wish I had a prettier, sportier or more useful, comfortable Car?’  You find yourself looking around and a saying ‘oh, I like that one… or that one… that one might be nice…’  As humans we never seem to be satisfied with the only car we have, the one we’re driving.  Most importantly, in the face of truly despising the ‘piece of shit’ we drive, we either feel powerless to change it or lack the balls and determination it takes to change our Cars.  So, either grow a pair and change your Car despite the pain and money it requires, or learn to love your car and embrace the fact that your glove compartment doesn’t close and your trunk won’t open.  It’s really that simple.

Generally speaking, it’s important to pay attention to warning signs that your Car is not fit for the road.  Also be sure to care for your Car and keep it in working condition, but remember you will only be motivated to service your Car if you love it and actually want to drive it around.  The points below will highlight this concept:

• Figure out why the ‘check engine’ light is on or you will eventually get stranded and mistakenly view it as bad luck though there were clear signs that something was wrong and you chose to ignore them
• Wash your Car; if you think your Car looks and smells like shit you won’t want to take it anywhere
• Decorate your Car in any way you see fit
• Don’t idly watch as someone puts sugar in your gas tank; be responsible for your Car and how you let others treat it
• Fill the windshield wiper fluid so you can see the road clearly
• Turn down your radio so you can hear the directions given by your Passenger and/or sirens of emergency vehicles
• If you hear the brakes grinding, change them before you’re unable to stop
• Align and balance the wheels so you aren’t constantly veering off the road or wearing down tread on certain tires
• Choose your fueling source carefully as it will determine how many miles you can put on your Car over its lifetime.  Some cost more than others, but higher fuel grades are worth it long term.  For the sake of comparison would you rather have ‘Easy-Mac Grade,’ ‘Meatloaf and Mashed Potato Grade,’ or ‘Grilled Chicken Salad Grade’?
• Drive your Car often! If you let your Car sit too long it may have difficulty starting the next time you want to drive it or not start at all, and it will likely accumulate unsightly rust

PASSENGER

This one is really simple.  The Passenger is the Car and Driver’s answer to all of the issues outlined above.  If the Driver could only pull their head from their ass, or turn down the music, they’d be able to hear the stream of directions and warnings regarding Car malfunctions issuing from their Passenger.  This is critical: First the Driver must learn to listen for the Passenger and hear their directions.  Even still, the Passenger will not tolerate a stone-walling for long, and will find a way to be heard.  Consistently ignoring directions from your Passenger they will eventually prompt them to scream ‘Turn! Turn!’ and you’ll over-correct, likely causing a devastating turn of events.  If this still isn’t enough, the Driver finally listens once they get into an accident severe enough to realize that instead of blaming another Driver, they should figure out what they did to cause the accident.  Were they trying to control the way others were driving instead of paying attention to their own actions?  Or perhaps they were worrying over some misdirection from their past? 

Finally, the Driver and Car must trust the unimaginable wisdom imparted by the Passenger; unquestioningly letting it guide them from one road to another.  This trust takes time to build, but when the Driver crashes the Car enough times as a result of their failure to heed the Passenger’s warnings, both will solidify that trust.  

TAKE-HOME MESSAGE

So, don’t let Luke Duke drive your car like the damned General Lee.  That Driver and Car get stunt-doubles, yours do not.  Practice concentrating only on the road you’re on, taking responsibility for your Driver’s decisions and subsequent condition of your Car.  Though life is full of minor accidents and fender benders, these types of experiences can function to add distinction to your Car and develop the character of your Driver.  Treasure your Passenger, he/she/it has no agenda other than providing the wisdom which will safely guide the Driver and Car to where they need to go, and will let them know when it’s time to change directions before disaster ensues.  Without the balance provided by the Passenger, the Driver and Car cannot hope to navigate life’s roads without causing significant damage to themselves and others.

Thought of the Day 1/13/2012

Today I'm wearing Orange and Blue in honor of tomorrow's playoff game between the Broncos and the Patriots.  Ordinarily I don't get into sports, especially football, but I really think that Tim Tebow may just be the second coming of Christ and save us from the Mayans in December.

New posts coming soon, I promise!

Thought of the Day 1/10/2012

Someone in the kitchen this morning referred to me as "The bagel, peanut butter and banana girl."  Of all the identities I have clung to, I think I like this one the best.

Welcome: The Nut-Doctor is in!

Ready for a Session with Dr. Summer?

Psychotherapy has a critical function in this stress-saturated world but is consistently disapproved of by many, including myself at one time, due to its historical stigmas.  For example, if one seeks psychological help it’s because they’ve completely lost their marbles and ability to navigate life.  Not exactly an empowering sentiment.  How do you feel about it? Simply repeat the word and survey the emotions that arise; I’m willing to bet you don’t get a sense of the warm fuzzies.  If someone loses a limb during a shark attack or gets burned while saving a baby from a fire, it’s perfectly acceptable to go to the ER get medical assistance; yet when the tiny voices in their head are telling them to scream obscenities at strangers or they consistently call themselves low-life losers, it never occurs to them to seek help in quieting these painful and often harmful compulsive thoughts.  Most people honestly believe that it’s something they have to deal with, there is no help.

Psychological studies and psychotherapy exist for a very simple purpose: to assist people in unlocking elusive habitual thinking patterns and emotions that create underlying levels of stress.  How can one address what they are unaware of?  Many people, typically for reasons relating to their pasts and the way they learned to exhibit their emotional behavior either suppress, deny or are simply unaware of their thoughts and subsequent emotions.  Make no mistake; all emotions arise from thoughts, whether or not one recognizes that thought will foreshadow their ability to handle the emotion. 

I always thought I was exempt from the above, despite having been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder years ago, since I was born with an awareness and consciousness which enabled me to understand what I, or others around me, were feeling.  Besides, I’m extremely intelligent as is evident from my advanced degree, and we all know smart people don’t do stupid things.  I simply didn’t think that psychologists could help me any better than I could help myself.  Even still, there were three instances in my life when I actively sought this type of assistance, thus indicating very serious transitions in my life.  Each, in time, provided a lesson regarding my fundamental perception of reality which eluded me and caused great anxiety

1.       A Child Psychologist for an Adult Issue

The first emotional issue I couldn’t seem to swallow was the profound feeling of failure surrounding a decision to leave my graduate studies with a Masters degree instead of pushing through to complete the PhD.  The facts were these: during the first year of my studies I had tragically lost a close sister; I soon became aware of a unhappiness and felt the loss of my enthusiasm for scientific research, feeling bogged down in the mundane technical experiments; I took a leave of absence to assess my true desires, going home to bartend for my mother and spending time with close friends in hopes that leading a simpler life would help put things into perspective and give me the push I needed to complete the program upon my return; finally, I was nearing the end of a significant weight reduction program and was only 20 pounds from my goal weight, having already lost 105 pounds. 

Instead of feeling revived by my leave of absence and encouraged by the drive needed to lose that amount of weight, I soon felt that sense of unhappiness return and knew that I had somehow gotten on the wrong path.  Looking back, I couldn’t even remember what had prompted me to apply to PhD programs in the first place; just the next thing to do after college?  Faced with the prospect of 6 years of failed experiments, I knew I had to discontinue the program.  The feeling of failure, however, overwhelmed me with anxiety; I sure as hell was not a quitter.  Though I understood its source, I felt powerless to shake the emotion, so I sought the help of a psychologist recommended by a friend.  The first day I went in and directly recounted my issue, she simply sat and stared at me.  We stared each other down for about 10 minutes as I waited for her to tell me the answer.  She never did, instead she began asking me questions about my childhood and I thought ‘Oh boy, here we go.’  Convinced that I had dealt with the demons of my past, perhaps a little worse but still no different than those of others, I left and never went back.  There was no way this woman was going to help me by talking about mommy and daddy issues.  As it often happens for me, I miraculously got a job as a Clinical Research Coordinator in the building directly across from the research tower I had been working in the very same day I defended my Master’s thesis.  My new job taking Multiple Sclerosis patients through clinical trials would satisfy both my desire for research as well as human interaction.  I was no longer a failure, problem solved. 

2.       Dr. Dick

This is a really fun one!  After the onset of my second brush with uncontrollable panic attacks, my doctor who was familiar with my GAD literally begged me to seek professional help and begin SSRI medication, which I had denied in the past.  Desperate to ease the constant feeling of impending doom, I agreed; it was either get help or run out into traffic to give myself something real to worry about!  No self-aware, logical being can suffer feelings on that level of craziness and chaos without an underlying stimulus; but frighteningly, it seemed that this bout of heightened anxiety came out of nowhere…..Right?   

I researched the best Cognitive Behavioral Therapists for GAD that Denver had to offer, ensuring that I went to a PhD; surely they would provide superior assistance.  My first session went great.  Dr. Dick as I’ll call him had me write notes as he lectured me about his extensive experience and success with other patients.  A tad self-indulgent I’ll admit, but I found comfort in his confidence that I could control my anxiety with his help.  He also described the biological nature or panic attacks which appealed to my scientific mind.  I was experiencing panic simply because my body had lost its ability to regulate the adrenal system.  It was misfiring, causing adrenaline to course through my body, the ‘flight-or-flight response,’ for no apparent reason.  At the time it didn’t occur to me to ask why and how this deregulation of my adrenal system had occurred.  Even better news, I wasn’t going crazy.  In fact, he stated that I was as likely to enter into true insanity as a result of my panic attacks as I was to spontaneously sprout a penis (he actually said that, I’m not paraphrasing), which made me laugh and feel much better.  He shared his own experience with panic that involved a reaction to a shot of pure adrenaline, during which he successfully turned mind-numbing terror into a high similar to some kind of ‘Woodstock’ experience.  He insisted that if I, in the throes of an attack, recognized that it was a chemical instead of impending death, that I could use it like a drug to get high; a high which he said most people would pay good money for.  Well, this was costing me $100, that’s quite a bit even for a kick-ass drug.  I thought it a bit lacking in adequate panic attacks to help me, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.  He suggested that I read the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, the most prominent recovery resource in the field.

I ordered the book from Amazon for $17 and waited a month, due to monetary restrictions, for my next appointment.  Imagine my disappointment when I had to sit through half an hour of the same self-inflated stories of my therapist’s success with other patients; still nothing regarding my own recovery or the steps necessary to get started.  The final straw was his exorbitant tales of the stress that he, his wife and his son had experienced on various trips throughout Europe, something I had desired above all things since I could remember, but could not afford.  I thought: ‘you self-righteous son-of-a-bitch, if I was so fortunate as to get to travel, I wouldn’t be having any of these issues to begin with!’  Fuck it; I had the book, though I hadn’t opened it yet, and so ended my sessions with Dr. Dick.  Additionally, the Zoloft was making life manageable and the constant panic had at least backed down to my normal level of anxiety.  Once again, I would do this myself and it wouldn’t cost me precious funds.

But the constant panic had no basis in reality right? WRONG.  I knew, without a doubt, that one source of significant stress was my job.  I worked 60+ hours a week, administered healthcare to over 100 MS patients, wrote grants for future research projects and juggled communication and issues between our doctors, patients and multiple pharmaceutical companies; all for the low, low price of $36,000 a year.  What a deal! The real insult was that though my fame as the most valuable and competent Coordinator, across any of the national sites for any one of my seven studies, and despite their dependency on my superior skill set, there was no prospect of earning more money due to a state-mandated freeze on University funds.  I witnessed monumental sums of money being paid to our department from pharmaceutical companies for studies I was doing all the work for, yet I couldn’t afford to go out for dinner and a movie, or treat myself to a massage when I did have some down time.  Indeed, insulting in the extreme.  The stress actually led to physical symptoms as severe as hair loss, full-body hives, sciatica and amenorrhea (loss of menstrual cycle).  Despite the stress I couldn’t justify leaving my patients, who had come to heavily depend on me for their medical needs.  I also felt extremely loyal to the Doctor’s I worked for, becoming convinced that their research program would collapse without me. 

(I eventually woke up and realized that I couldn’t work there anymore, and again, miraculously got a job at a pharmaceutical company for twice the pay and half the workload.  Guess what?  They got along without me just fine and my patients understood.)

Around the same time I found out that I had cancerous cervical tissue that needed to be removed by a LEEP procedure which can negatively impact a woman’s ability to conceive, and increases the chances of miscarriage by 50%.  But I didn’t want kids anyway, right? So I didn’t worry about that (or so I thought).  Funny enough during the procedure, after I found out that the shot of Lidocaine they gave me also contained epinephrine (adrenaline), I was able to ride what I initially thought was a panic attack like a high as Dr. Dick had suggested was possible.  I remember my foot shaking/tapping incessantly, though it was strapped into a stirrup, and thinking: ‘It’s like my toe is tapping to some kick-ass music in my head that no one else can hear!’  Always good to keep your sense of humor.

3.       You Can Fix Eating Disorders AND GAD? Sold!

As a result of my weight loss, I developed a constant fear of regaining weight.  This fear led me to become obsessed with intense daily exercise, as well as completely irrational habits of weighing and measuring everything I ate, planning and counting every calorie that I consumed in an Excel spreadsheet and avoiding all social situations where I might otherwise consume unanticipated calories.  My insanity went so far that I once stomped my feet and cried because my boyfriend at the time, who was a fucking chef, put olive oil in our dinner.  Oh the horror! Who the hell does that?!  For all my intelligence, it failed.  I knew I had a problem, but the fear of the return of ‘Fat Summer’ kept the habits going.  This rigidity and obsession became a diagnosis of ‘An Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified’ as it was not categorically Anorexia, Bulimia or Binge Eating.  After 2 years of struggling with these issues on my own, I was able to stop weighing, measuring and counting but I continued to plan and avoid eating at restaurants.  Exercise, as one of the most critical ways I controlled my anxiety, stayed dear to me but I worked to change my underlying necessity for activity; coming to think of it as a treatment instead of a compulsion to stay thin. 

Now, despite my job change and significant decrease in stress levels, I continued to experience a profound feeling of unease and unhappiness.  The source of which completely eluded me.  I had a satisfying relationship and high paying job; what else could I possible want?  With this in mind I began to wean myself off of the Zoloft, completely relying on exercise and affection from my fiancé for comfort and management of my anxiety.  Well, shit started hitting the fan in my relationship.  My need for constant control, perfectionism and an ‘all-or-nothing’ attitude, as well as my persistent displays of unhappiness, drove a wedge through our relationship.  To be fair, my fiancé was also going through significant changes and depression in his life which also contributed to the growing distance.  He even expressed his uncertainty with regards to our future prospect of marriage.  Oh, how the heart doth blind!  I had taken off the ring and stayed at a hotel for a week, thinking that I was fixing our relationship by giving us space.  I didn’t realize it, but we had already broken up.  Instead of focusing on my own needs, I thought only of the pain which would inevitably ensue.  Losing the only love and affection I had ever known, I had no previous experience that might help me cope.    

Recognizing the desperate need for help, I sought assistance for my Eating Disorder by seeing a specialist.  After all, this eating shit goes back to the ‘Fat Summer/Skinny Summer’ transition and preceded my relationship.  I was certain to finally focus on myself during these sessions.  We never spoke much of my eating disorder.  Instead, I expressed my dire fear regarding the imminent end of my relationship while she explained I simply had no coping mechanisms to handle change in general, and that fear of change consistently fueled my GAD.  Ah Hah! My eating disorder was a result of trying to distract myself from the unhappiness I felt, as well as many other emotions I was so keenly adept at avoiding and/or denying.  She referred to me as an ‘emotional mooch’ as I chose to feed off of the approval, love and acceptance from others instead of administering these needs internally.  It was my addictive tendencies at their finest, but they had presented themselves in such a subtle way I had not seen it.  I was addicted to control, compulsive thinking and analysis, and most critically, the approval of others.   Ever the busy bee making sure everyone else was happy so that they would love me.  I listened, devastated, as she proclaimed I was having an identity crisis.  Though my mind vehemently refused to acknowledge this concept, my soul instantly recognized its validity.  Truthfully, I had not felt myself for years and had shared as much with my stepmother about 6 months prior.  The only thing that kept me going was my relationship.  My addictive mind clung to that affection, but now that was over and the gaping wounds of my past were spilling out of me like guts from some outlandish horror movie.  I suddenly realized I had never dealt with rejection from my childhood or sister’s death, and I had certainly never dealt with becoming ‘Skinny Summer’ because ‘Fat Summer’ was starving her into insanity!  Ironically, though I had finally come to respect and benefit from therapy my medical insurance stopped paying for it and I had to discontinue, such is life.

4.       Being  Your Own Therapist

So, how the hell did I get here? To a place that no longer turns my stomach and even provides the first glimpses of happiness and peace?  Honestly, it’s been a whirl-wind of tears, screaming at my mother, self-improvement books and intense exercise.  But it started by loving and accepting who I truly am, even with my many pain-in-the-ass character flaws.  For being so damned self-aware I found that I didn’t know shit about myself, because even though I was aware of my thoughts and emotions I refused to accept them unless they were validated by someone else.  Though I’m still in the infancy of my recovery from life, I have high hopes for the future. 

Other things that have helped: I cut my hair and rearranged/redecorated my apartment, I called either my sister, mother, father or stepmother every day, I finally read that damned Anxiety Workbook (it became my most powerful resource), I started wearing a hat almost constantly (I believe it keeps my brains from coming out of my ears), I started identifying and expressing my emotions through writing and also by talking to an inanimate gnome I lovingly refer to as Dr. Do-It-Yourself, I stopped planning what to eat and allowed inclinations and cravings to dictate my diet, I kept up my exercise regimen and added daily yoga, I read and listened to everything by Dr. Wayne Dyer (Eckhart Tolle is good too but a little out-there, plus he’s kind of a pompous ass), I drink warm beverages every night for comfort, I meditate daily, I amended the tattoo previously signifying my relationship (thankfully I wasn’t dumb enough for the name tattoo), I cashed in a retirement fund and planned a trip to travel for several months throughout Europe and began studying German, I started writing to balance my creative impulses, I’m working the steps of proven recovery programs with another addict, and yes, I masturbate.

I’m not ashamed, but proud, of all of these things.  For the first time in my life I’m taking care of myself without seeking or expecting love, approval or validation from anyone else.  I completely lost my marbles and lived to tell the tale; I sincerely hope that people learn from these experiences and come to the same simple realization.  Self awareness and acceptance is a pivotal step towards happiness.  You’ll be amazed to discover that if you sincerely ask yourself how you feel and what you want you’ll eventually get an answer, but it requires patience and the ability to hear the answer.

http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/1572248912/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325886018&sr=8-1

Thought of the Day 1/6/2012

Seeking guidance from self-improvement books is no different than using exercise videos such as Hip Hop Abs.  I once viewed both as completely ridiculous, but once I honestly and diligently utilized the Hip Hop Abs program I lost over 120 pounds.   These books have likewise helped me handle major changes in my life when I felt completely lost, not knowing who I was or what I wanted.  Don’t allow the judgments of others to prevent you from using either of these resources.  Be selfish and follow your intuition, fuck the rest; but you gotta want it!

Thought of the Day 1/4/2012

I'll never forget the first time I heard a reference to 'crudités', I thought it was something to do with Anti-Semitism.

New Year's Resolution 2012

Happy New Years Avid Readers!

I had a great time over the holidays at home with family and friends; it was especially wonderful to spend time with my nieces and nephew.  There is nothing better than being around people who require no explanation of why you say or act the way that you do, accepting you as you can't even accept yourself.  Alas, the week flew by entirely too fast!

New Years always brings resolutions, the key is to set resolutions that you are willing to obtain, and therefore must be motivated by a true desire to commit to new habits which will bring them into fruition.  Do you truly loathe the way your ass jiggles when you walk?  Get that ass on a treadmill and stop eating french fries.  Sorry if this seems harsh, but it's the truth.  If your idea of breakfast is a code red and two cigarettes you are basically taking a huge dump on your life.  Additionally, exercise of the type that will eventually lead to runner's high and stimulate relaxation, happiness and inspiration does not come from going through a McDonald's drive-thru or walking to the mailbox.  Commit to 30 minutes of moderate to rigorous exercise 5-6 days a week and consciously think about what you are eating; in two weeks you will hate me, but in 6 weeks you will thank me.  Find yourself losing your temper and kicking your dog or kid too often? Sick of banging your head against a wall attempting to mute the stream of compulsive thoughts?  Read a self help book.  Believe me, the more humiliating that concept seems, the more you need it as a resource for implementing change in your life.  

I don't typically have a resolution since I don't like setting myself up to fail, but this year I decided to focus and commit myself to one resolution: I will do whatever the hell I want to do; with an open mind and detachment from material crap and judgement, damning past experiences and old habits in thinking and actions, at my own pace and as best I can, expecting nothing of myself or others.

How can I possibly fail? The beauty of this resolution is that there is no possibility of failure. No matter what I do I will produce results.  In true "Analytical Ramblings of a Scientific Mind" fashion, I can then thoroughly analyze and interpret my results.  The first humbling lesson of becoming a scientist is that even negative results are still results that yield valuable information.  Indeed, complete dissertations, including my own, are based solely on negative results!  Luckily for my readers, this resolution also includes writing the many articles that I have in mind for this blog.  Writing is my creative outlet and it is my deepest desire to explore my creative inclinations; scary but true.  Is anyone else getting an image of that nature-painting dude with the white guy Afro from PBS?

So, this year I will commit to producing the results of a life led entirely by free-will; giving up my job, home, material possessions, and most importantly my obsession with control.  Sit back and read the magic happen as I convey my interpretations through writing in hopes that my insights will spark a flame of inspiration in others, or at least cultivate some laughs along the way.

PS: Comments Please! I would love to know others' resolutions!

PPS: If you are worried about the Mayan prophecy that the world will end on December 21, 2012, ask yourself this question: When was the last time you saw a fucking Mayan?

Thought of the Day 1/3/2012

Most times you can see better once you take a step back; especially when you’re watching oatmeal cook in a microwave.