Definition: Compassion

I, notoriously, display a complete lack of sympathy and compassion, which according to Thesaurus.com are synonyms (I disagree by the way, as would Brene Brown).  This deficit originates from my deeply inlaid belief that we all will lay in the bed(s) we ultimately made, like it or not.  It's up to us to take responsibility for our actions, find a way to forgive ourselves, and get on with life.  Still, sometimes horrific and random shit happens to people without any karmic prompt on their part.  They are victims of circumstance.  When I hear about such things, like car accidents, deaths of friends/family/pets, loss of employment, etc.,  I rustle up some compassion with this definition in mind:

"Compassion is putting on someone else's shoes, attempting to walk, falling flat on one's face, and conceding that there is no authentic way to understand how that person truly feels; as a result one administers unmitigated and non-judgmental support."

In other words, I give compassion in the form of respect by admitting that I can't possibly fathom what they're going through or how they're feeling.  They're pain and suffering is unique and I refuse to trivialize their emotions by telling them I know how they feel, 'pat-pat', when I don't.  Furthermore, I realize all I can do is focus on their feelings, disregarding my own, and support them in any way that I can; even when it means leaving them alone, and still more difficult more me, keeping my trap-shut.  This is generally difficult for people because we tend to relate other peoples' experiences to our own in an attempt to understand the support that they may need.  We then think the only way to provide this support is to make things 'better' for the damaged person, but that's not always possible and it's best to let them work the pain out on their own, unless they directly seek comfort.

I realize that very similar things can happen to people, leading them into the false notion of shared experience and subsequent emotional pain; but there is more at stake than a superficial shared experience.  People are a cumulative amalgamation of their entire lifes' occurrences, nature as well as nurture, and how they perceive the horrible things that happen to them are jaded by that past (effectively, their FUF).

For example, I've met people who have also suffered from the death of a close sibling.  One might assume we experience similar levels of emotional pain and seek similar amounts of support in similar ways to heal; wrong.  Other people may have lost a sister, but they didn't lose Amanda.  My sister was the craziest bitch I've ever known.  I couldn't have loved her more then nor miss her more now.  The day I got that phone call will live in infamy, just four days after her 25th birthday.  That was the the last day I heard her voice, we laughed about our grandfather being so prejudiced that he used to get pissed when black people won on The Price if Right.  My mind shut down with the pain initially, but certain things about her life choices made her death make logical sense to me, which in time brought me peace because logic comforts me whereas hugs do not.  Conversely for the others, I didn't lose [insert name] and therefore cannot understand the other person's pain because I didn't grow up with their sibling, and they also likely find comfort in hugs.  We healed in completely different ways as a result of the unique pasts which influence our present emotions and actions.

She burnt her candle at both ends, and truly lived life while she was alive.

Additionally, many people can go through the same experience, yet each will come out feeling about it differently than the others.  Survivors of the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center, soldiers who fought in the Battle of the Somme, and cruisers on the recently renowned Carnival ship that lost power and left them stranded; all these people shared the same experience but felt and acted individually, and in accordance with their personalities and accumulated emotional tool-kits.

In conclusion, one does not need to draw parallels from their own experiences to console the emotional pain of another.  What I propose is the opposite.  The real way to provide compassion and help heal another is by respecting their unique form of pain, allowing them to handle their situation without dictating how they should act or feel; letting them ask for the support they need and in the form they find most comforting, instead of forcing it upon them.