Thought of the Day 09/07/2014: Eight Hours of Self Worth

For the better part of two years I've worked at McDonald's on my days off from Hospira.  Initially the job functioned to assist in engraining myself into a new community, then as a mechanism for staying connected to my White Trash Faction roots and avoiding boredom at home in the absence of any other particularly interesting hobbies besides exercise, meticulous food preparation, and mind-numbing computer games. It's also extremely therapeutic to have a job where I can be generally offensive, swear to my hearts content, and slack off without fear of repercussions. Nonetheless, while standing at McDonald's the other night, decontaminating one of the 300 trays I was left to wash which second shift somehow failed to clean; no doubt they were too busy standing around flirting with any number of the recently returned intellectually stimulating college twerps, or supremely interesting drunk yokels who frequent our fine establishment, I surmised: I think there are more constructive things I should be doing with my time.

To say that my two vocations are dissimilar would be an extreme understatment. At Hospira I'm a Masters-level scientist trusted to test and validate the chemical quality of our pharmaceuticals, employing stringent procedures that vary from complicated to ridiculous involving dangerous chemicals and sophisticated analytical machinery. At McDonald's I'm a drive-thru order taker/cashier/toast and back cook (aka bona fide shit-taker) as I'm repeatedly yelled at by both managers or customers for any number of reasons. My favorite and most typical stimulus being that we've changed our prices and/or discontinued the production of some beloved nitrate and diabetes saturated semi-edible compound (aka the Hot n' Spicy McChicken). I also, very unfortunately, exhibit OCD tendencies which make it impossible for me to stop cleaning as I cannot relax in a work environment that borders on rancid. I revel in the irony that of the two jobs, one would have a difficult time deciphering which encompassed more chemical and biological hazards. Lastly, we're constantly playing the game of 'How many people will show up for their shift?,' the answer of which is always 'Not enough' which adds further burden to the already overstressed employees present, cultivating hostile attitudes. In taking all these factors into consideration and applying my initial speculative thought, I've concluded that it's now time to allocate those hours back to myself, even if it means sitting around staring listlessly at my own feet, which I consider a meditation of sorts. Though I despise assigning monetary value to my time because my job at McDonald's was never about making money; I can say with copious amounts of self-esteem that its worth more than $8.50/hour.

My central thesis, which I've done a piss-poor job of conveying up until now, is that that I now need this time to begin developing into the person I want to become because it sure as shit is not the person I am at present. Those 'constructive things' will encompass a series of new habits I will institute in the pursuit of obtaining these personal goals. What I want above all things is to be a more interesting person, one with intriguing hobbies and stimulating conversation; something more than a rigid workout rountine and fanatical diet. I want to move away from my narrow, neurotic, moderately agoraphobic, and anti-social life that I currently lead. All I talk and think about is food and exercise, what I'm going to eat and how I'm going to burn it off. I avoid social situations because I know I'm boring. Shit, I'm so sick of my own frenzied thoughts that I keep away from friends because I actually think I'm protecting them, fearing I might projectile vomit my neuroses all over them! I drive myself so crazy that I can't imagine imposing this crap on my loved ones. Trapped in that vicious circle of malicious thoughts it's easy to forget that my real friends would listen without judgement, offer me their support, and remind me that despite it all I am an interesting and funny person; entertaining them with the endless and effortless string of random bullshit that bounces along my vocal chords.

So, who do I want to be and how will I use my free time to evolve her? I want to be interesting, and what I find interesting is travel, foreign languages, cultures and cuisine, hiking and running, reading good sci-fi, experiential writing and people watching. I'm especially fond of writing as it is currently my one and only reprieve from food-obsessed thoughts; I also have an unerring Fuck filter in my writing that I seem hopeless in applying to my speech. My ideal scenario is completing a gorgeous trail run around Lake Alpsee (I've actually been there!) while listening to a dystopian society audio book, observing the oddities of other runners and jesting with them in their native tongue, then wittily writing about the experience on my blog; at some point I'll realize I haven't eaten in two days because I've been so satiated by life, then I'll go eat something exotic and delicious without a thought of the foods' caloric content.  Gone will be the days when I felt I was leading a trivial existence wrapped up in my pathetic monotonous routine, hurtful inner thoughts and harmful addictions, first world problems and fucking McDoubles.