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| A cute little avenue in Christchurch |
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| For some reason I thought the skeleton of this building was pretty. For reasons I don't understand there are duck decoys in the water. |
1. Fucking Presidents’ Day
Here it is, the day I finally pay off my car and leave
Christchurch to travel through the mountains before arriving in Nelson on
Thursday. There was just one errand I needed to run, and for efficiency’s sake,
I decided to do so literally; thus I woke up early and jogged the 3.5km to the
ATM. Imagine my utter horror when my card was declined….Hell why not, what’s
another WTF?! Added to the plethora I’ve already experienced. I immediately
contacted my banker to address the issue. My Mom was recruited as well, because
if needed she could go and hunt my banker down. Well guess what, it’s fucking
Presidents’ Day in America, and the banks were not open. The banker assured
they’d do their best, but couldn’t make any promises.
Racking my brain for ways to get $450 in the hour I needed
it, I decided to run back to the hostel to get my other card. Though a cash
advance on a credit card is phenomenally expensive, I didn’t have much of a
choice. Every night I lock my laptop, passport and credit cards in the front
pocket of my suitcase. Yet on this already frustrating morning, when I put in
the combo I’d set and had been using for years, the lock would not open. I
tried again, wiggled it repeatedly, swore at it, had someone else try, and
finally broke down completely. The other girl in my room rubbed my back, I
explained I knew I was being tested, but I had already faced so much, why the
hell was this shit happening again?! I went to have some breakfast and breath,
remembering everything I should be thankful for, like the fact that I had
options to get the money despite the set back, I had a knife to cut into my
suitcase if necessary, and I had a telephone interview with the quality manager
at a great pharmaceutical company at 11am, so I couldn’t leave until after that anyway. Breath.
By some miracle the AMAZING PEOPLE at People’s Bank and
Trust in McPherson Kansas got my card unlocked with time to spare. I’m not sure
what it entailed, but I know for a fact someone dropped what they were doing
and went into work on a holiday to ensure I could withdraw the money. My
immense gratitude is indescribable with words. All I can say is, use this bank
if you need one and are in the area. I have all my accounts with them, and they
consistently go above and beyond for their customers! Unfortunately the lock
wouldn’t relent so I took a knife to my suitcase, but overall I think
everything worked out extremely well. I even got invited to a
face-to-face interview, so I’m headed to the North Island from Nelson on
Sunday!
2. En Zed
Speaking of potentially working for a company with the letter 'Zee', reminds me of the
fact that ‘Zee’ does not exist here; ‘Zed’, and only zed. During my first phone
call with HR yesterday, the women kept correcting me when I said ‘En Zee
Pee’, and stressed that I would have to break my habit of saying zee. I’m
living in En Zed, not En Zee! I bank with A En Zed, not A En Zee. Apparently my
immigration status and job eligibility depends upon my ability to let go of a
habit that I didn’t even realize I had, haha!
3. From Edoras to Helm’s Deep
It turns out that driving on the left isn’t bad at all,
other than the oddities I’ve noted below. I also couldn’t help but observe that
today’s drive looked incredibly akin to the scenery from Lord of the Rings: The
Two Towers as they traversed the plans of Rohan from Edoras seeking refuge in
Helm’s Deep. I don’t care if it makes me a nerd, this is part of the reason I’m
here!
Hanging a Wet Left: Every time I think I’m signaling I’m
actually just turning on the windshield wipers. Sometimes I remember and
execute the task correctly, but most times I just drive with the wipers on awhile
until the turn is complete (especially rights!).
Why is every road Route 60? The speed limit signs look
like road signs to me for some reason. For awhile I couldn’t figure out why
there were some many Route ‘60’s.
Heavy Left Arm: I never realized it, but I typically rest
my left elbow on the window while driving. I only noticed it today because I
kept lifting my left elbow up and then became sad when there was nothing to
rest it on.
Sheep and Cows EVERYWHERE: The entire drive down State
Highway 73, which is the only way to the west coast from Christchurch, a
mountainous 2-laner with parts that are gravel, features frequent mountain
valleys and pastures filled with cows and sheep. I couldn’t figure out why I
found this odd until I thought, ‘how the hell did they get here?’ ‘Did someone
truck them in?’ It really only seems odd in comparison with the Rockies, a
drive through which definitely does not feature any farms. Perhaps there a
difference in altitude I’m not accounting for?
One-Lane Bridges at 100km/hr, Really?! As I said, SH73 is
mountainous with all the typical features: 35km/hr hairpins, steep climbs and
descents and… one-lane bridges? The first one I came across I thought, ‘is this
a thing?’ Apparently yes, it is. I encountered three along this somewhat
treacherous route, each flanked with both warning signs from about 400m and
speed limits signs of 100km/hr. That’s a bit of a mixed message if you ask me!
Hank the Tank: I already love Hank to bits! It only took around $88 dollars
($66USD) to fill him up from empty, and after 156 kms of steep climbs and
running the A/C he isn’t even at 3/4 of a tank yet! This is especially great
because I’ve already been warned from the people at the hostel in Punakaiki
that I won’t find any petrol (or groceries) north of Greymouth until I reach
Nelson.
Devil’s Punch Drunk Love: While taking in the sights, smells and sounds of the
breathtaking waterfall I was reminded that the sound somehow makes me feel
lonely. It’s also makes me have to take a piss. I don’t find many things
romantic, but waterfalls are one of them. These wisps of loneliness derive from
my want of a companion with whom to share such a beautiful natural gift, and
who understands and reciprocates my love of nature and zeal for travel.
4. Bees?
Besides being one of the greatest white cards for CardsAgainst Humanity, this pretty much perfectly describes how I feel about
New Zealand and evolution. Evolutionary science is profoundly apparent when
considering island nations, as Darwin illustrated in his Origin of Species. Everything on New Zealand has evolved completely independent of any
other creature found on any other continent. For example, when my Mother asked
me if there were elk in NZ I informed her that if there were then elk would
have had to evolve twice; there’s a term for that in evolutionary biology, it’s
called fucking impossible. Though I thought her questions was a dumb one, as I
passed a mountain stream today I thought ‘ooh, maybe I’ll see a bear!’; if
there’s aren’t elk, there certainly aren’t any bears, duh! That’s when I asked
myself if there were any indigenous mammals at all in NZ, and if so, where the
hell did they come from? Finally, on my walk back from The Devil’s Punchbowl I
saw a bumblebee and again thought, ‘where the hell did he come from?’ Bees
didn’t evolve twice, so was this little dude’s great (x20) granddaddy a
stow-away on a ship or something? Were bees brought here for a specific
purpose? Fascinating!
5. Egg-tastic
Eggs taste better here and I think I know why: there’s no
such thing as ‘free-range eggs’ in NZ. ALL eggs are brown, come from local
farms, and usually have some chicken shit and blood in the yolk to prove their
natural origins. The very concept of 'caged' eggs is utterly lost on them. Consequently, their eggs taste better than their bleached, corn-gorged
US counterparts.
6. Fluffy Goodness!
While randomly wandering in Christchurch I saw a cookie shop
and decided to go in for some free smells. I had a $2 coin and a $20, but
didn’t want to break the latter so looked for something cheap. Unfortunately
the cookies were $3, but something called a Fluffy was only $1. Curious I asked
the women behind the counter about it and her reply got me way more excited
than a human has a right to get about anything called a Fluffy. Everyone who
knows me well also knows that my favorite thing in the world is foam from a
cappuccino; I’m borderline obsessed with it, but since I’m sensitive to caffeine
it comes with a price in the form of a panic attack. Imagine my elation when I
discovered that a Fluffy was nothing but that very foamy fantastic-ness, caffeine
free! They even served it with a small marshmallow and rainbow sprinkles!!!!
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