Just in case anyone needs reassurance, here is a great example that I'm still prone to chronic worrying and habitually anxious thoughts. I write these articles for my own benefit, as well as the benefit of others, as I'm diligently practicing what I preach. Yesterday afternoon it was near 70 degrees, but the wind was gusting up to 85 mph. After work I got out to my car to find a cracked windshield; likely hit by something blown by the wind, and I sincerely tried to convert an 'oh shit' thought to 'oh well.' That much I could handle but all the way home, a 1.5 hour commute, I stared at the crack convinced that it was spreading but I just couldn't be sure. I swerved all the way home, horribly distracted. Fortunately, the crack is just below my line of sight and headed over to the passenger side so all-in-all, as long as my windshield doesn't spontaneously shatter, the replacement and its cost can wait. One worry down, good for me!
At 2:30 am I awoke to the roar of my bladder and also the hurricane-force winds blowing through my apartment complex. Since I get up a 4:00 am I began worrying about how the winds would effect my day. Should I delay my commute on the dark, barren, flat, highways and risk losing my windshield altogether? Do I go to Boulder to workout as usual, or go straight to work in Longmont so I can leave early, or workout at some other time and location during the day? Skip out on the workout and become a Human tumbleweed? Would US-36 to Boulder blow my tiny, light, recently paid-off car around worse then I-25 to Longmont? Soon I envisioned myself drive and to my horror felt a gust of wind hit my car, sending it rolling into the ditch. Suddenly an insurance adjustor was informing me the car was a total loss and they were only going to give me $1,000 towards a new car. Oh no, I thought, but I had just paid the loan off and I can't afford another car payment! I tried to snap out of it, remembering my principles and repeatedly asking myself 'where are you now?' in an attempt to bring myself back into the present; realizing that I was safe at home and not in a ditch somewhere between Denver and Northern Colorado.
Miraculously from about 3:30 am to 3:45 am the winds quieted significantly and I had managed to get enough of a grip on myself to get up and figure out the day as I go. I soon discovered, however, that flying by the seat of my pants was my only choice. The winds had died down because a sudden blizzard had hit Denver. When Charlie and I went out for our morning walk we were met with about 2 inches of blowing, thickly falling snow, the type that pushes tires every way except straight. I donned my gym clothes and went for it, resolving to head to Boulder to workout, relying on a slow and considerate speed along with my new tires to get me there safe and sound. Well, I was not 1 mile from home before my car had lost control and spun out 3 times, despite my 15 mph speed. A tiny curve was enough to put my car in a 360 spin that I damn near failed to correct in time. Then something beautiful happened, I can finally say I'm proud of myself because my next move surprised even me. I turned right and headed to the Lowry gym close to home and decided to relax with some news, Cardio and Yoga at the gym, after which time I'd tackle making a decision about commuting to work; for me, the non-anxious road much less traveled! Now I'm sitting at home writing happily as I wait for traffic to die down before heading north, where there is absolutely no snow by the way. Thank you Denver, for throwing me for a loop through which I was able to jump unscathed by my typical level of anxiety.
I realize this shit seems like small potatoes, and right now many people are wishing they had my pithy problems. The severity of anxiety disorders is in constant fluctuation, however, from small amounts of worry about day to day crap to all out panic arising from random thoughts and situations. I know because I've been there; I've experienced the gamut. Because I practice what I preach, I'm proud to say the things I still worrying about are indeed trivial. And as I routinely break my habit of anxious thinking they continue to shrink, providing more entertainment than fear and pain. Know that anyone can do this, and I'm here to help in any way possible.
Call Safelite or whatever is out in Denver. They'll fix it fo free. That's exactly what car insurance is for.
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