Summer's Fool-Proof Two-Day Detox Diet

[Disclaimer: I AM NOT A DOCTOR.  If you have health issues, especially those pertaining to salt levels in the body like congestive heart failure, ask your doctor if a detox plan is appropriate.  That being said, this is only a two day diet and thus serves as one of the less extreme options available.  It is perfectly safe if followed as outlined below.]

Citation

I'm acutely aware of the fact that I promised diet and nutrition articles for my audience, but have failed to deliver much on those points.  Alas, here is a sure-fire two-day detox plan that, if strictly followed, will result in at least 4 to 5 pounds of 'weight' loss; just in time for the infamous 'I'm gonna get healthy' New Year's Resolution!  It is critical however to understand that this rapid decrease in weight is NOT the result of losing/burning fat, nor can it be on any diet; I don't give a shit what it promises on the info-mercials.  All detox diets have a two-fold purpose:

1. Rid your body of excess water, thus the 'weight' you loose in the process, that accumulates due to excessive consumption of Holiday and/or Christmas Cheer (aka salt, fat and sugar; oh, and BOOZE).
2. Hit the reset button on your body's metabolic functions in preparation for a diet, exercise regimen, fasting, heavy training, etc.

[Aside: The healthy reduction of body fat is 2-3 pounds per week for females and 4-5 pounds per week for males. If you're losing fat faster than that you're on some form of crack and should cease use immediately, even if it's commercially available.]

Everybody's Favorite Molecule, Water! (Aka H2O)

Biology Lesson: Water Retention 
[Or, Crap You've Happily Forgotten Since High School]
Your body can retain massive amounts of water; up to 10 pounds!  The causes are many, but the most common include constipation, hormone fluctuations, and deviations in diet regarding the intake of excessive amounts of salt, fat and/or carbohydrates.  The molecular structures of these compounds make them very attractive to water.  Water molecules flock to them, surrounds and travels through the digestion tract with them, all while inflating your abdomen and other areas of the body with copious amounts of jiggly fun. In biological terms, the positive dipoles of the Hydrogen atoms and the stronger negative dipoles created by the Oxygen atom, combined with the overall bent configuration of the molecule (refer to above image), make water irresistable to any compound also featuring negative and positive dipoles and/or full charges [NOTE: a dipole is a portion of a full Charge.  For example, if the charge of an electron is -1.0, the dipole of an (-OH)/Alcohol group would be around -0.4].  Chemically, acidic and basic foods such as tomatoes and milk, respectively, are packed with such groups and therefore significantly affect water levels in the body.  In general, acidic foods assist in drawing water out, while basic foods tend to keep water in and cause bloating.

Specifically, one such 'sticky' molecule is sugar.  Biologically, sugar is most commonly thought of as glucose, but that is only one of many sugar molecules.  Each type of sugar features many of the aforementioned alcohol groups that pop out in all directions and thus beckon water molecules from afar.  Carbohydrates, being a long string of either the same sugar or a combination of many types of sugars, likewise pack on the water molecules.  This is precisely why people lose around 5 pounds simply from eliminating simple sugars, i.e. soda, from their diet.  By the way men, and butch women, Beer = Carbohydrates en mass.  Vodka-Lovers and Winos; bad news, still all carbohydrates!

Complex carbohydrates are composed of a combination of many such simple sugars, mostly Glucose and Fructose.  Some examples include soda, donuts, potatoes, candy bars, pasta, beer, wine, and the delicious crunchy golden coating on anything deep-fried.  Intake in moderation is key; something Santa's little sugar-saturated helpers never encourage!

Salt, however, is overwhelmingly the primary cause of bloating and water retention.  In fact, salt is such a molecular prostitute that it would rather break its intrinsic ionic bond and surround its two distinct ions with water (see image below), then remain a whole compound.  Allow me to elaborate.  Imagine that a grain of Salt is the result of a happy marriage between Sodium (Na) and Chloride (Cl).  They live happily together in a rooster-shaped shaker, until they are poured out and inevitably meet with the home-wrecking water molecule, which is abundant in all types of food.  The negative Oxygens of the water immediately take a liking to the positively charged Sodium, and the Hydrogens take a commanding role over the attentions of the Chloride.  These interactions build to a climax until the Na and Cl atoms are influenced to undergo a rapid divorce; after which each ion heads in its own direction surrounded by numerous novel and adoring water molecules.  Fun fact, the breaking of the Na-Cl bond releases energy in the form of heat.  Don't believe me? Take a glass of cool water and add copious amounts of salt, stir, then feel the temperature of the water; it should now be warm to the touch.

Salt is just one of the many whores of simple chemistry.

The Grocery List
Whole fresh veggies, organic free-range or farm fresh eggs, and lean white meat comprise the optimal food for this plan.  A note about the eggs; cage-free chickens will naturally eat better and their eggs are thus of superior quality.  I don't normally buy into such propaganda, but the nutritional facts speak for themselves, particularly the quality of Omega fatty acids and vitamins/minerals.  I realize that living in isolated areas can limit one's access to such resources, so frozen vegetables and regular eggs will do as well.  NO CANNED VEGETABLES OR PROCESSED FOOD OF ANY KIND!!!  Never, I repeat, NEVER buy vegetables, or anything else for that matter, that comes in a can.  If it's in a can that means it is saturated with toxic preservatives and salt; a bloat attack, and botulism poisoning, waiting to happen.

The proteins on this diet should be extremely lean; buy them whole and unprocessed, which means the label should read that the only ingredient in the actual meat and perhaps one perservative.  Also check the label to ensure that the meat is not brined, in other words soaked in salt water for flavor.  If brined, the sodium content will be significantly above 100mg per serving.  Avoid ground meat as it contains fat from random 'parts' that end up in the grinder.  Lean lunchmeat is ok, but only if it also reads 'low sodium.'  If you're vegetarian, you may add tofu, seitan, edamame, peanut/almond butter or whole nuts for protein, ensuring that each is largely void of salt.  Have I beaten the dead salt-hating-horse enough yet?

Food To Buy

• 2 Cantaloupe
• 4 Large Eggs
• Lean Protein, including but not limited to:
• Chicken
• Turkey
• White Fish; Fresh Tuna, Tilapia, Haddock, etc. 
• Lean, Boneless Pork (Limited)
• Green Vegetables, including but not limited to:
• Leafy Greens; Spinach, Romaine, Green Leaf Lettuce, Spring Mix, etc. 
• Asparagus
• Green Beans
• Celery
• Cucumbers
• Green Peppers
• Chives
• Zucchini
• Brussel Sprouts
• Green Cabbage, Bok Choy
• Broccoli

NOTE: Some green veggies are off-limits, particularly those that are starchy and/or sugary such as lima beans, edamame, sugar snap, snow or shucked peas, green tomatoes, etc. Also, do not use iceberg lettuce as it lacks nutritional value. If in doubt, stick to the list above.

The Plan
[Identical for both days]

• Breakfast - Two Eggs with Veggies of Choice, One Quarter Cantaloupe
• Snack - One Quarter Cantaloupe, Veggies of Choice
• Lunch - Huge Salad with Veggies and Protein of Choice, One Quarter Cantaloupe
• Snack - One Quarter Cantaloupe, Veggies of Choice
• Dinner - Repeat Salad OR Prepare Protein of Choice with Lots of Veggie Sides
• ALL DAY - Drink AT LEAST 64oz (2L) of water; 64oz to 96oz is best
• Prepare to urinate A LOT; you will piss a lot, and often. That's kind of the point!

Things to Keep In-Mind:

• One Serving Protein = 4oz 
• Get at least 8oz/50grams of protein each day.  More is ok if its to support additional exercise.
• 30 to 40 minutes of light to moderate exercise is encouraged, but vigorous and/or excessive exercise should be avoided.
• Black coffee and plain tea are allowed; add artificial sweetener if needed, but do not use more than 2 packets/day.  One diet-soda/day is also allowed. 
• Caffeine and Water consumption are natural appetite suppressants; if you feel hungry try drinking something.
• Eat all the veggies you want! If you're hungry and drinking something doesn't work, munch on a low-calorie, high-fiber, snack like cucumber or celery.

Food Preparation 

Meat: Bake, broil or grill, using only non-fat cooking spray if necessary.  The eggs should be pan-fried with non-fat cooking spray, boiled or poached.  Don't microwave them as it extracts all their nutritional value.
Vegetables: Consume raw, steamed or blanched to maximum the retention, and subsequent benefit, of their vitamins/minerals and fiber.
Seasoning: Flavor food with fresh or dried herbs, spices, garlic and vinegars; keep the use of salt to an absolute minimum, and use sea salt or lite salt [half sodium chloride and half potassium chloride], only if necessary.  Dress salads with low-fat/low-salt vinaigrettes, in modest amounts. The use of a tsp of olive oil and plain balsamic or apple cider vinegar is preferred.

Stand-Alone Mini-Detox or Detox Power Booster
The following two recommendations can be used anytime to rid your body of modest water retention; best when  used two time in one day, morning and afternoon.  When used in conjunction with this detox, it maximizes the results.

One mug hot water + 1 tbsp FRESH lemon juice
OR
1 tbsp shot of apple cider vinegar

How It Works
Green vegetables are extremely fibrous and clean out the intestines, especially when consumed almost exclusively raw or lightly steamed/boiled.  The lean protein is a calorie filler for energy and keeps the metabolism busy so that it doesn't get bored, or slow down, due to the otherwise low-calorie foods. Two eggs daily supply necessary fats, which keep you adequately fueled during the detox.  It is essential that you eat small amounts every 2-3 hours as this will keep your metabolism high.

The actual detoxifying agent of this diet is, surprisingly, the cantaloupe.  High in acidic enzymes, the super fruit chemically draws out the extra carbs, salt, fat and water from it's hiding places in the body; successfully shuttling these molecules out, mainly through urine, with the necessary water in-take.  This is why it is critical to consume so much water during the detox, 64-96 ounces.  Effectively, the fresh water taken in without the accompaniment of carbs, fat or salt, allows the dirty salt-infested water to flow through and exit the body.  Lemon juice and apple cider vinegar are even more acidic than cantaloupe, which is precisely why it provides a powerful boost to the parent detox, or can even succeed in vacating excess water independently.  


Maintenance
I hope it goes without saying that you should not celebrate the end of your detox with a trip to an indian buffet, followed with a night of hearty drinking.  Introduce regularly consumed foods slowly over a couple of days, while retaining some of the aspects of the detox meal plan.  The most important foods to avoid in excess are sugars and salt; always.  Remember, everyone is one McDonald's trip away from 4 pounds of water retention.  Ladies, you know precisely when the body will naturally bloat, so be especially careful during that time.

Now, I'll step up on my pedestal to say that this was the detox that I used to;

1. Begin my decent from 239lbs to 130lbs
2. Get back on-track after Holidays and special occasions
3. Avoid plateaus throughout my weight-loss

It works, but only when used as a kick-start to a new way of eating and living.  The principles to healthy eating for life are captured in this very article, however, and when coupled with an exercise regimen will result in guaranteed (by me) weight-loss: Small frequent meals, lean protein, lots of veggies, whole grains, fresh fruits and treats of your choice in moderation.    

Here's to a happy and healthy 2013!

Thought of the Day 12/22/2012: The Mayans Were Wrong

Surprise, surprise, we're all still here.  This is the time to ask yourself; 'am I grateful or disappointed'?  Now, commit the next year or so to answering that question and addressing the relevant issues head-on.

I, for one, am grateful.  Sometime last spring I took off my 'Writer' cap to don my 'Runner' cap.  This change in personal identity, a subject I wish to expand upon extensively in upcoming articles, resulted in a complete neglect of this blog.  This is not surprising given that I'm a perfectionist/extremist who puts all their energy into their current obsession.  During that time, however, I accomplished the feat of running two official 10Ks, countless unofficial 10Ks as well as higher mileage training runs,  culminating in the completion of my first Half-Marathon (13.1 miles) in 2 hours and 13 minutes.  I am now ready to re-commit to the 'Writer,' and allow it to take the lead.

Alas, as always, I write solely for myself but invite readers along to stroll the foggy banks of my mental meanderings in hopes of stepping into the clear light of conscious thought and consideration.  Within the coming month I hope to provide an effective post-holiday detox diet, wisdom regarding why it is important to think before speaking [something I've often thought myself incapable of], and the human identity crisis.  My ultimate goal is to finish the weight-loss book by 2013 year's end.

PS Here's what's new with me:
- I live in Kansas (sans ruby slippers) and love everything and everyone here
- I have an ideal job; a mix of technical writing, pharmaceutical manufacturing, social interaction, travel and hands-down the best co-workers possible
- I started going to Spin Class at least once a week
- I'm no smarter, but a tad wiser

Thought of the Day 07/14/2012: Natural Health

About two months ago I answered a knock at my door to find two spritely young men whose hopes, dreams and aspirations rested upon their ability to sell magazines.  Due to a combination of their charisma, especially the Black one named Darwin, and my enthusiasm for magazines I decided to help them obtain their goal. For myself, I ordered Natural Health and a Yoga magazine [Dad, expect Men's Health in the coming months; Mom, expect Reader's Digest].

In the past, though I love the idea of magazines and bought subscriptions frequently, I never actually read them so I decided this time would be different; besides, I couldn't let the exorbitant amount spent on these subscriptions go to waste.  Determined to read every page, today I began as yesterday I received my first two issues Natural Health.

Natural Health Website

Folks, I'm here to tell you that I got through all of 15 pages of the first issue before I had to stop and write, so filled with inspiration was I.  First of all you need these premises: I am a natural skeptic and analyzer, I believe nothing I read [preferring my own opinion based on sound scientific logic] and lastly, I think a lot of the 'Natural' movement is a vicious play on the gullibility of the every-day, ignorant, citizen and purely exists as a financial ploy to get people to buy shit they don't need and generate extraneous capital.  No, I don't your $3 organic tomato grown halfway across the world when I get a locally grown one for $0.20; and oh yeah, the only difference is that you use 'all-natural pesticides.' People, a pesticide is a pesticide organic or otherwise, the point is to wash your veggies before you eat them no matter where they came from or how much they cost; or don't and get the trots, it's up to you. Personally, I think a touch of chemical or E.coli poisoning is an effective tool for those looking to lose a quick 5 pounds.

That being said, I read this magazine in the hopes of proving some of these opinions wrong and learning something new that can benefit my health, and also to get a good laugh from the obvious bullshit.  I was immediately satisfied in the latter point when I found a short article on how egoism directly relates to poor health: "The more narcissistic a person is, the more likely she is to have health problems such as heart disease and hypertension, according to research from the University of Michigan." [July/August 2012 Issue]

Though apparently from a study at a prominent institution there's something amiss with this tid-bit; oh yes, it lacks proper analysis! Being a narcissistic asshole is not what causes these diseases, it's the unhealthy habits that correlate with self-serving egoists such as a propensity to eat whatever they want, misusing their bodies by smoking/drinking and general debauchery, the constant use of harsh chemicals in beauty products like Botox, perfumes and make-up, plastic surgery and other sketchy procedures. Most importantly, they tend to be shitty friends, so when they get sick no one is willing to help them. Also, notice the indication of 'she' in the quoted statement, that's just hilarious; bias much? Here's the catch: Who the hell is willing to admit that they're this horrible a person?  Like any and all treatment plans, the first step is acceptance.  Hi, I'm Summer, and I'm a narcissist.  Now let the healing begin! [Honestly, I am a bit of a narcissist, but I don't think it puts me at risk for heart disease unless it inspires a subsequent addiction to bacon.]

Two points commonly brought up, both in this magazine and the 'Natural' movement en mass, which legitimately concern me are the topics of plastics and burnt food. These are things I know I should be careful about, along with meat, eggs, and milk grown in animals treated with hormones and antibiotics.  The meat, milk and eggs I ensure are healthy and safe for my consumption, but at the end of the day I can't be bothered to change my habits regarding the former. I burn food. I eat out of plastic containers.  I burn food in plastic containers and then eat it out of the same plastic container; and since said plastic containers are generic knock-offs of Gladware, I'm pretty sure they're rife with BPA. I pack the majority of my daily allotment of food in plastic containers 5 days a week for work, and even when I'm home I cook my oatmeal in the microwave in a plastic bowl; it's simply more convenient. Lastly, I drink tap water, unfiltered, in a 'pre-BPA-scare' Nalgene bottle. I'm living on the edge folks! By hey, if I get cancer down the road, at least I'll know why.

And don't get me started on what they say about the source and type of water you should drink, you could write the most laboriously pointless book in existence on that topic. Take home message: Get some water, I don't care where you got it or how much it cost, and put if in front of your dog.  If you're dog won't drink it, neither should you.

In conclusion, here's my one and only 'Natural Health' tip: Use your common sense, there's nothing more deadly than stupidity.

Summer's European Adventure

Yes, it's true, I survived my Germany, Sweden, Denmark trip! I plan to detail each day in full as it's own article, complete with pictures, but please be patient as this will take time.  For now, here's a picture of the most beautiful site per my estimation; the Berlin Dom/Cathedral.  And for some titillating foreshadowing I'll mention that I was extremely lucky to see anything in Berlin.....

Thought of the Day 07/10/2012: A Runner's Gift From Heaven

I will attempt my first Half-Marathon on September 22, 2012!

As I put in the first day of my half-marathon training, a 6.0 mile run, it occurred to me that when one dies while running it is typically via massive brain hemorrhage or heart attack; an almost instantaneous death.  I logically concluded that this is the divine reward for utilizing one's Body to its absolute maximum potential; a quick and painless death. 

Thought of the Day 06/01/2012

Anytime you're feeling defeated by life, I want you to ponder this statement:

Things aren't happening TO YOU, they are happening FOR YOU.

Everything is a lesson, it's your choice whether you learn it now or defer it until later.

Thought of the Day 05/28/2012: The Bolder Boulder

I did it; 10 kilometers, 6.2 miles, in the times listed below. The last half mile was a steady climb up to Folsom Field at CU Boulder and there were so many banners I thought I had finished the race multiple times, only to be confused by the continual running of others.  On a sheer adrenaline high, I basically sprinted that last 0.2 tenths of a mile.

Mile 1: 10:24
Mile 2: 10:10
Mile 3: 11:22 [Stopped to take a piss]
Mile 4: 10:06
Mile 5: 10:04
Mile 6: 10:11
Total Time: 1:04:18

Running this event, I felt a bit like Alice traversing Wonderland.  Along the way there was ample stimulation and amusement, including but not limited to: bands and music every half-mile, people throwing food like marshmallows, cotton candy and bacon, slip-n-slides, sprinklers and water guns, pole and belly dancers and, my personal favorite, a keg stand.  I'm seriously considering running the race twice next year; an early qualified wave to achieve a better time than this year, and a later walk/jog wave to participate in all the fun curbside activities.

Admittedly, I was a bit taken aback when I saw my times. True, many people older and less fit than myself finished faster than I did; but in considering where I have been and came from, I  simply couldn't be more proud of myself. It would have been easy to compare my time against that of others and choose to be disappointed in myself.  Specifically, a friend of mine got pretty well lit at a lake party yesterday, didn't train so much as one day, and ran the entire race in 47 minutes.  Notice the selection of word 'choose.'  Today's race was for me and about me, and I will not apologize for the selfish tone of that statement.  I set out to run this race and I did it.  I trained hard, preparing both a Body that has undergone a monumental transformation and a Mind that continually struggles to find the balance between caloric in-take and expenditure due to an intense fear of gaining weight.  In short, I chose to be proud because I refuse to allow the accomplishments of others to negate my own, thus casting a shadow over my self-esteem . Today was for me, and I won.

Thought of the Day 05/26/2012: Unreasonable Happiness

How many times have you felt like shit and not understood why?  Guess what, though much more difficult because it goes against our personal habits, we can do the same thing with happiness.  Be unreasonably happy.  It's a decision you make, to put a smile on your face without any provocation.

Feelings are a choice.  Subconsciously, we choose to feel happy or some degree of shitty.  We then find things in our environment, or use thoughts and memories, to feed those emotions which makes them stronger.

Once you've practiced this and are fairly adept, you can be like me.  I know there's people out there who are convinced I'm touched in the head; yet this new approach to life inspires me to care about others perception of me less than my past contempt for the general populous. That is to say, I used to not care because it pissed people off and that made me happy.  Now I don't care because I focus on staying positive and releasing from that which I cannot control, mainly what other people think and feel in regard to me.

Thought of the Day 05/23/2012: Getting Back into 'Blog' Mode

After a lengthy break to pursue a concentrated focus on new social adventures, I'm ready to bring balance back into my life by committing time to both social functions and literary pursuits.  Have no fears 'Kickballers,' should you be reading this, as I never write about specific people on my blog without prior approval and added anonymity.  What happens in Boulder, stays in Boulder.

That being said, I'm currently working on several articles, including those regrading my jaded perspective on the infamous 'divide of the sexes' as well as struggles with my own sexuality, a detox diet to get interested readers 'swimsuit ready,' and finally finishing the third and final article in my Logical Spirituality Series [In chronological order, therein].

Lastly, while looking for old articles to re-release due to my laziness, I realized that it's ridiculously difficult to find specific articles on my blog.  Everything is archived by date, and I certainly can't remember when I published particular works.  Therefore, I've added a Search function and 'Most Popular Article' display at the left of the main page. Another great way to find things that may interest you is to click the 'Label' that most intrigues you, also to the left on the main page.  Current 'Labels' include:

• Anxiety
• Definitions
• Exercise
• Nutrition
• Poetry (Yes, stuff I've written, and it's not very good)
• Random
• Reviews
• Scientific
• Sociology
• Spirituality 
• Thought of the Day

I don't anticipate adding more; that basically covers my areas of experiential expertise.

In conclusion, there's more to come soon. And I'll also add that comments let me know people are actually reading my blog, and my otherwise self-serving literary adventures are in fact helping others, which of course is my ultimate goal. So please comment!

Thought of the Day 4/17/2012: Of Love and Mistrust

Last night I found myself pondering the inherent mistrust Human's experience during social interactions across both intimate relationships as well as acquaintance-ships.  A profoundly ridiculous realization came to me; simple yet elusive.

How many times have we asked someone to explain or justify their thoughts and actions?  Explain their motives or elaborate on their emotions?  How often do we bait others into yielding the answers we wish to hear?

And what is the result of these efforts?  Despite what they say, we continue to believe whatever it is we already perceived to be true.  We've already chosen the outcome regardless of what the other person will say, their protestations or affirmations will go for naught.  This begs the question: Why the fuck did we bother to socially engage them in the first place if we weren't going to believe or carefully consider their response?!

Though a bit ashamed to disclose my example, I believe my own experience with the mistrust of which I speak serves as a valuable lesson.  Despite having been together for two and a half years, and engaged for almost one of them, I never quite believed Chris when he told me he loved me.  Shit, I would even tell him as much.  My mindset, deeply afflicted by past experiences and relationships which cultivated a weariness that escaped my consciousness, was such that I believed everyone I loved would leave me; I left no exception for the man with whom I had promised to share my life.  I did not believe myself worthy of love, and never trusted anyone who told me they loved me due to a profound fear of abandonment.  In obsessing over this fear, I manifested the very situation I most dreaded.  Inevitably, Chris and I did not last.

But what chance did our relationship have when I never truly believed in his love for me?  When I, instead, chose to believe my own fear that he would leave me, and that I would eventually push him away as I had done to everyone I loved since I was five years old.  Having no love for myself, I would never believe anyone else capable of an action I could not perfect.

Today, I am grateful for this awareness as I've come to understand that love and trust in others can only originate from one source, me.  Whether or not people mean what they say is irrelevant.  I am worth loving, a fairly kick-ass chick I believe, so why would I doubt it when I inspire that sentiment in others?

Thought of the Day 4/12/2012: Dating in Colorado

Despite being 27 years-young, my experience with dating has been limited to, well, now.  Don't ask me how this happened, it's a mind-numbing amalgamation of personality, weight, self-esteem and perseverance follies.  Anyway, I'm pleased to find that Colorado offers its own particular take on the run-of-the-mill dating experience; I am of course referring to the mundane "Dinner and a Movie" tradition.

Likely a consequence of the sustained level of activity which draw people here from lazier parts of the nation (Boulder is the skinniest city in the entire US), a typical date in Colorado almost always includes hiking.  This intake of mountain scenery is typically followed by sampling micro-brews at a local brewery.  While I'm not much of a drinker, I do enjoy imbibing to experience unique combinations of flavor, which has led to my passion for martinis.  Lastly, honest, intelligent and humorous conversation will never go amiss regardless of its setting.  This is easily attained in Colorado as most of us are outgoing and educated exports from other regions of the US, who left our respective birthplaces in pursuit of finding like-minded liberals.  Welcome to Colorado!   

So, needless to say, I'm quite enjoying my new adventures and meeting a wonderfully eclectic gamut of people; all of whom I admire and respect for one reason or another.  I'm just afraid of falling short as a potential life partner as I have a difficult time making that mental switch from friend to something more.  Unless I have steadfast intentions for the latter, I stick everyone indiscriminately in the friend-zone because I assume that's where they intended to settle within our relationship dynamic.  In my defense however, this was conditioned into me as a result of 23 years of obesity, during which time I never once fathomed anyone could have romantic inclinations towards me.  This aversion to the romantic pursuits of others is proving the most difficult habitual thinking pattern to break.  In conclusion, if you go out on a date with me and like me 'that way,' I'll kindly ask you not to be coy and simply tell me, otherwise your ass is in the friend-zone; but please also be prepared for honesty.

Good lord, no wonder I intimidate people.   It's going to take a specific sort of man to put me in my place.

Thought of the Day 4/11/2012: Random Fun

Heidelberg Castle: One of the many German splendors I'll be visiting during my Hobbit-Style excursions!

I know it's been awhile, but I thought I'd hit some highlights of what I've been up to and share some observations to ensure you all that Summer is still very much Summery:

Hottness

1. For reasons that extrapolate back to High School, I will always remember today as Ryan Shuck's birthday.  Who is Ryan Shuck you might ask?  He is the guitarist from my all-time favorite band, Orgy.  That's right, the very band that inspired my first tattoo as well as provoking my passion for 80's retro pop, as I discovered that the song Blue Monday was a New Order cover.  New Order led to Depeche Mode, which in turn led to The Cure, The Smiths, Duran Duran, and the list goes on.  Anyway, each year I renew my age cap per Mr. Ryan Shuck, in order to accommodate the possibility of dating him should the opportunity arise.  Today he is 39 years old and still smokin' hot.
2. I love wearing my green trouser socks.  When I look at my feet I think for one fleeting moment that I could very well be Elphaba Thropp.
3. I've fully integrated into my new environment and social scene, and am absolutely loving life!  I've made friends that I know I don't deserve because they think I'm hilarious.  Somehow it seems I've reverted back to the Crazy College Summer, albeit much wiser for having had some significant changes take place.  Our weekly outings include bar trivia and Kickball.  My contributions to these events are less specific to an illustration of knowledge or athletic skill, and more focused on an honest display of my utterly ridiculous personality and complete lack of social filter.  In short, I promote a sense of friendship and unity based on caustic humor and trash-talk.
4. Future plans include a much anticipated 3-week Sweden/Denmark/Germany vacation, as well as running multiple 5K's around Longmont and the Bolder Boulder 10K.  

I aspire to continue writing informative and motivating articles, but indulgence in my new found social life has me a bit side-tracked.  Rest assured however, that my treadmill meanderings are still very much aflow and one of these days I'll sit down to write out the unique concepts and analogies which I hold so dear and love to share.  Until then I leave you with the key principles that help keep my anxiety at bay other than Yoga and Running: keep it real and go with your gut, work to break habitual thinking patterns and their subsequent actions, resist nothing, make mindful decisions and detach from their outcomes whether positive or negative; and most importantly, take full responsibility for your own actions regardless of the actions or provocations of others.

Thought of the Day 4/6/2012: Travel Plans Complete!

Ok, here it is in all it's infinite glory. If I'm this exhausted simply from planning the trip, what's it going to be like to actually do the traveling?!

Sun, 6/17- Arrive in Stuttgart, Germany 
Wed, 6/20- Travel from Stuttgart to Stockholm

Sat, 6/23- Spend the day in Uppsala, Sweden 

Sun, 6/24- Travel from Stockholm to Odense, Denmark

Tue, 6/26- Travel from Odense, Denmark to Berlin
- Spend the day in Hamburg

Thurs, 6/28- Travel from Berlin to Heidelberg
- Spend the day in Frankfurt 

Sat, 6/30- Travel from Heidelberg to Fussen

Mon, 7/2- Travel from Fussen to Munich

Wed, 7/4- Travel from Munich to Stockholm

Thurs, 7/5- Fly from Stockholm to JFK 

Fri, 7/6- Travel to Jersey for Nancy's Baby Shower! 

Sun, 7/8- Fly from JFK to DEN

Three weeks of little sleep, a hobbit-style mode of transportation, copious amounts of beautiful country, landscapes and castles, as well as fine German beer, wine and food. This is gonna be tits!

Thought of the Day 4/4/2012: Bush Fire?

Don't get me wrong, I love Bob Seger; but since hearing this song yesterday afternoon I've been pondering one question:  Is this song about having crabs, or about performing the activity which leads one to get crabs?

Thought of the Day 3/28/2012: Longmont Fare

Crazy busy at work, Training for the Bolder Boulder, Mom's here for a visit..... 'Nough said.

Training for a race and having Mom here is happy coincidence since she takes me out to eat, which I never do otherwise.  Consequently, over the next week I'll be reviewing various Longmont establishments as I get better acquainted with my new home the fare it has to offer.  Last night, because I had a coupon, we went to Old Chicago and had the 'Thai Pie' Pizza; I also had the Mediterranean Salad.  Both far exceeded my expectations for a chain restaurant.  I'm not ashamed to admit that it the Thai Pie was easily the best tasting pizza I've ever had, though needless this surprised me!  It was my Mom's pick, many kudos to her.  The base was a perfect blend of sweet and spicy teriyaki and thai chili spices, with sesame seeds baked into their delicious crust.  For an added kick, a must for me, apply liberal amounts of crushed red pepper.

I think we'll have BBQ tonight.....

Book Review: In the Garden of Beasts by Erik Larson

Disclosure and Spoiler Alert:  Due to a combination of listening to this book while working and thus not paying full attention, and the fact that the narrator sounded like a 1940's newscaster and couldn't keep my attention very well to begin with, I only got these take-home messages from this book: Hitler and the powerful Germans of his time were completely crazy and often referred to as displaying child-like behavior and mentalities, Martha was a unabridged whore and Dodd was an affable idiot.  That was it, along with 10 hours of other words that couldn't quite captivate me.

I love Erik Larson's style, and thoroughly enjoyed "Devil in the White City," but I believe this particular work would've been better appreciated if I had actually read it.  Admittedly, I'm also not a Holocaust enthusiast.  In conclusion, my mediocre regard for "In the Garden of Beasts" is a result of the fashion in which it was absorbed and my lack of zeal on the particular subject.  Nevertheless, Martha's many culturally diverse and politically taboo indiscretions were remarkably entertaining.  This book's poor performance notwithstanding, I still anticipate relishing in "Thunderstruck" as it seems to mimic the feel and manner of the aforementioned work, which I adored.

Thought of the Day 3/21/2012: Herding the Cat

 

Question: If Charlie is a Corgi, whose parents were actual working dogs on a ranch in Byers, CO, why the hell was it ME herding the cat into her kennel this morning at 4am instead of HIM?!

Glad to be somewhat settled in our new home in Longmont, sans furniture.  The sunrise from our East-facing balcony was gorgeous this morning and I'm looking forward to some stargazing tonight!

Thought of the Day 3/20/2012: Happy First Day of Spring!

My name be damned, Spring is my absolute favorite season.  Everything in bloom, the birds singing, early sunrises, warm breezes, perpetual sunshine, the smell of dirt, growth and moisture from the mountain run-off; I love it all!

This looks about right.  Happy Lent, Easter, Jesus-Day, Whatever!

Oh yeah, and let's not forget the Cadbury Creme Eggs!!!  I don't care is that is Chihuahua piss in the middle Mom, they're delicious!

Thus, the only appropriate song for such a day and such sentiments is:

Thought of the Day 3/19/2012: Aveo, How I Love Thee, Let Me Count the Ways

If you've never bought a brand-spanking-new car, I would highly suggest you do.  My car had 9 miles on it when I drove it off the lot in January 2006; the smell was mesmerizing.  I was a senior in college and knew I'd be the envy of my friends upon my return for Spring Semester.  Ever the anticipatory thinker, I even bought a stick-shift to afford myself a convenient excuse as to why others couldn't drive her.  I paid the car off last month, and though it's now 6 years-old with a cracked windshield I appreciate her more than ever; here's just a few reasons why:

1. Over 40 mpg!
2. Drove her with all my belongings from Rochester, NY to Denver with my BFF Nancy.  It was a liberating journey featuring a pit-stop in Iowa to toss around Rory-Bee (my frisbee).
3. Road trips to the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone National Park.
4. As I packed it for the move last night, I simply couldn't believe how much fit into it.  I wasn't sure if I was more proud of the car or myself.  It fit damn-near everything, minimizing my need for several trips between the two apartments.  Now the obligatory three will suffice!
5. I realized yesterday while walking out of the gym that the front end damage to the bumper caused by my ass-packing a stopped car at a red light, which I thought should have been green, was fixed inconspicuously during a recent 60K routine maintenance at Ed Bozarth Chevrolet.  These people had always taken excellent care of me and my Aveo, but this was astounding; she looked brand new again!
6. The audio-books absorbed and panic attacks suffered while driving her; she's seen me at my best and my worst.  
7. Shockingly, I've never had to replace the brakes. 

This isn't my car, but looks exactly like it if you were to crack the windshield. 

Thought of the Day 3/18/2012: Just Another Reason to Love Harry Potter and Kitty-Randomness

Today I watched the Harry Potter series in succession while packing up the apartment, and admittedly these wonderful movies often serve as my background noise during such nominal tasks.  Anyway, I took a dinner break during the fourth and was paying better attention than usual it seems during the Yule Ball scene because I realized that the singer of the band was none other than Trent Reznor!

This validates my passion for these films. The End.

PS Though I adore the movies the books are far better; but as I think of the two as distinct entities, I love them both!

On a completely unrelated note, has anyone else noticed that Clorox makes cats go completely insane?  Is this a universal phenomena or is my kitty 'special'?  Either way, after I scrubbed the tub with Clorox she felt inclined to roll around in it.  She's a long-haired cat...... Guess who got to clean the tub again?

Thought of the Day 3/17/2012: Coax Cables? Really?

Nothing helps you learn more about yourself than rifling through your old shit.  While preparing for the move, downsizing and purging random items in general, I found that I have a borderline obsession with coax cables.  I've always thought them very important, I just never realized I ferreted them away like precious gems.

Thought of the Day 3/16/2012: Life

..... is busy!

I've been putting in overtime at work and also getting ready for my move next week.  I know you're all missing my analytical ramblings, but I'll be back and better than ever soon!

PS Let me know if you need a couch, dressers or general apartment crap.

This one's for you Emilee!

Thought of the Day 3/13/2012: Deep Thought

When you live every moment in the light of the present, no shadow from the past can follow you.

Thought of the Day 3/12/2012: Eye Candy Galore!

I decided to switch things up today and headed to Longmont instead of Boulder, opting for a mid-morning workout to relieve myself of my desk for a bit.  It was then that I clearly observed the Pros and Cons of varying my normal 5:30am workout routine.

As you can well imagine, the same 10-15 freaks workout at 5:30am everyday; amongst whom I am a proud member.  I have grown to love these calorie-burning comrades dearly, and have even contemplated asking a couple of the younger guys out.  Furthermore, I've given each a unique identifier such as 'American Beauty Guy,' 'Will' [this kid looks exactly like Will from Will & Grace],  'Bald Guy in Cargo Pants,' 'The Ripped Swede,' 'The Two Old Bad-Ass Runner Chicks' and 'Mr. Burns with Hair' [he looks like The Simpson's Mr. Burns with a lot of hair and no hump].  Today however, upon my 10:00am arrival at the gym, I was met with an overwhelming plethora of new faces and ripped biceps, my superficial personal weakness.  I immediately decided to employ my time getting to know these odd ducks a bit better, but would one workout session be enough?  Needless to say, I found myself bouncing about the equipment half-heartedly for close to 2 hours whilst bestowing idiosyncratic pseudonyms upon my new friends.

Pro:  An abundance of novel eye candy, as well as extraordinarily eccentric displays of conduct from fellow exercise junkies.  I also received some intrigued glances, no doubt inspired by my own behavioral oddities like fist-pumping while running, or by my tattoos, beautiful green eyes and cut upper body.

Con:  I missed my dear friend 'Rebecca of Niwot' whom I see every morning and always engage in the exchange of pleasantries.  Additionally, as I'm unused to preparing my gym bag for a mid-day workout, I forgot to pack a bra.  It's a good thing the camisole I packed has built-in business!

Result:  Maintain this new workout regimen in hopes of either provoking one of these hunks into asking me out using mind-control, or growing my own pair of testicles which will likewise promote the acquaintance.

Thought of the Day 3/11/2012: Daylight Savings

That's right, this is about the time of year when I can't figure out why I feel like I'm starving though my other senses are telling me it's only 4pm.

The sun was just starting to be up when I was!  Now I'll have to return to my vampiric ways for another month or so......

Review: The Kitchen Boulder

Thanks to a previous and treasured relationship, I have had the opportunity to cultivate a taste for fine dining.  Having experienced the very best that fine dining has to offer, I've frequented such Denver legends as Mizuna, Luca D'Italia and Fruition.  My authority for offering opinions on this subject however, stem from a once-in-a-lifetime meal at the distinguished Thomas Keller NYC flagship, Per Se.  Therefore, I can confidently and knowledgeably deem The Kitchen Boulder as one of the finest gourmet establishments in the Denver-Boulder area.

Located at the heart of Pearl Street, the atmosphere was quaint, relaxed, and not at all assuming; anyone would feel welcomed and comfortable despite their previous experiences with epicurean fare.  The Kitchen is famous for its community oriented  mission.  All ingredients are purchased from local farmers, and menu items change daily to reflect what is currently fresh and available.  Also, they feature Community Hour Monday through Friday 3:00pm to 5:30pm, during which they serve a family-style dinner around one large table prior to normal dinner service.  This overwhelming sense of sustainability and quality alone should inspire appraisal of this magnificent venue.

With its notoriety in mind, our party of four delightedly discovered that the wait would only be 15 minutes, despite it being after 6:00pm on a Friday night.  We went to the bar where my friends found an astounding selection of wines and beverages which the bartender artfully elucidated, offering expert suggestion for each of their varying palates.  Meanwhile I settled on one of the delicious non-alcoholic cocktails, the refreshing 'Kitchen Rickey.'  We were seated and our waiter proficiently maneuvered each quiz regarding menu items.  Indeed the selection featured something for everyone as well as every wallet; from experienced foodies and people desiring a unique culinary treat, to parties looking for a small and simple, yet novel, array of gourmet nibbles.

Once we had ordered, the seamless arrival of courses ensued.  The bread and butter were homemade, uncomplicated and delicious.  The server offered us more once our basket was empty though we declined in anticipation of further nourishment; still, it's comforting to know they don't skimp.   Next, the starters arrived.  I found the Cumin Yogurt quite salty, but this tends to be a norm at most fine-dining restaurants as they use natural and course sea salt.  In fairness, I'm also not in the habit of salting my food, so everything typically tastes salty to me when I eat out.  Despite its powerful savory flavor, the presentation was pleasing and overall the dish was phenomenal.  My entree of Braised Rabbit and Gnocchi was by far the most mouth-tingling fare I've had since Per Se; the perfect blend of spices and aromas damn near brought a tear to my eye and I protracted each bite.  I did not find myself alone in these sentiments.  Everyone in the party was equally savoring their meals; no complaints to be heard, just happy faces with chewing mouths and glowing eyes.  This even included a friend, normally a vegetarian, who settled on the perch.  We were all a bit shocked to observe that the entirety of the fish was served; bone-in, tall-straight, eyes open and mouth agape.  In a steadfast manner my friend took responsibility for her choice and stated that if she could not eat a fish as it looked in nature then she had no right eating it at all.  She subsequently dug in with her tiny fork and thoroughly enjoyed the flavorful dish.  I found this bold resoluteness extremely inspiring, I could not have mastered the eyeing-fish so easily, and I'm a full-blown herbivore!

A general note about fine-dining here.  Do not cheat yourself from possessing the full breadth of wonder that is gourmet dining.  Go with people you know well and want to spend an entire evening with, and partake of every delicious course ignorant of cost or calories; completely without guilt.  Any fine-dining staff will space the courses to perfectly suite your appetite, you'll never feel full just comfortable and anxious for the next savory delight.  Venture to try something that you have never tasted or have even heard of, like squab, and don't fret over mis-pronunciations; the servers deserve some amusement after all.  To attempt this experience in a rushed, restricted or miserly manner would be nothing short of a travesty.  I likewise believe to do so is highly offensive to the establishment and it's entire staff.  These people are professional servers, there to provide you with an ineffable and unparalleled culinary experience, treat them well by treating yourself well and fully committing to the opportunity of broadening your gastronomical horizon.

Musts for Any Gourmet Dining Experience:

1. Good Company
2. Loose Wallet 
3. Ample Time
4. Open, Guilt-Free, Mind

Following my guidelines above, dessert in an absolute necessity.  I had the Pot Au Chocolat which puts any 'molten chocolate cake' to treacherous shame.  They baked it only long enough to ensure a crispy top, gooey bottom and pure warm-melty-deliciousness in the middle.  I can also tell you with 100% certainty this sure as hell wasn't Hershey's chocolate; this was the real stuff, dark and rich.  I luxuriated in this dessert along with an expertly brewed Americano, into which I poured the Heavy Cream that came with my dessert.  Our party sat, chatted and prolonged our stay well past dessert, but never once were we rushed to leave.

The combination of the environment, service, meal, company and dessert was something akin to a three hour orgasm.  After that experience who could possibly concern themselves with money?  I threw down my credit card and declared 'Just keep adding numbers until it says declined!'

Meal Summary
Beverage: Kitchen Rickey - Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice, Orange Bitters & Ginger Ale
Starter: Grilled Lacinato Kale - Crispy Anson Mills Polenta & Cumin Yogurt
Entree: Hand Rolled Gnocchi - Braised Rabbit, Bacon, Parmesan, Marjoram & Bay
Dessert: Pot Au Chocolat with Heavy Cream
Dessert Beverage: Decaf Americano

Summer's Take-Home Message: You have not lived until you've experienced fine dining, and The Kitchen Boulder is as good a place as any to start living!

Thought of the Day 3/10/2012: Shrimp is not the Enemy

It's official, I'm not actually allergic to shellfish.  Instead I'm simply over-reactive and under the threat of death following shrimp consumption, I develop panic attack/allergic symptoms every time I think I eat it.  I realized this today once I discovered I had indeed been eating various forms of shrimp for 30 minutes.  Mysteriously, only then did the 'allergy' take-hold; but it was too late, I knew the symptoms were bullshit.  I happily continued gorging my Shrimp-infested food.  Thank you Star Kitchen; not only do you have the best Dim Sum in Denver, but you also proved once and for all that I'm crazy.

Thought of the Day 3/8/2012: Sora and Nummer

Nora is flying in for a visit today!  The kindest and most considerate of our college tri-fecta of caustic wit, her's is a superbly intelligent brand of impropriety.  Whereas Nancy and I were direct with our inappropriate comments and took blatant joy in the discomfort of others, Nora was more stealthy.  She'd often obscure her incongruous retorts with sociable savvy, delaying someone's 'WTF!?' comment with enough time to vacate the immediate area.

Nora and I met in our 'Punk Rock' english course Freshman year and I immediately took to her outspoken and jocular views which, though they reflected my own, were articulated in a way my country upbringing ill-suited me to match.  Once I discovered that we not only lived on the same floor of our dormitory, but she was also friends with my cohort and hall-mate Nancy, we all became positively inseparable.  By accident one day, someone in our CAS class referred to us a Sora and Nummer and it stuck for awhile, once we were finished humiliating him for his error of course.

My love for Nora is parallel only to the love I possess for her entire family.  They're Jews and as I was starved for cultural diversity in college, this intrigued me.  I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but before I met Nora I held the firm belief that Judaism was a dead religion.  Anyway, her mother, Amy, and I share enough odd similarities to make us kindred spirits; we have the same birthday and use the same brand and flavor of chapstick, which we apply liberally and often.  Nora's grandfather was especially entertaining.  A delightful old soul, I was chided for encouraging his inane behavior during a memorable Seder dinner of lox and bagels as I had laughed emphatically when he said 'You think it's funny, but its snot,' after he had sneezed.  I'm a sucker for a good pun.

I love you Nora, and I can't wait to see you!

Thought of the Day 3/7/2012

Today I realized that Black people don't go hiking.

Definition: Resentment

Resentment: Drinking a sip of poison every day and expecting it to kill someone else. [Original text by Joyce Meyer]


We hold resentments in an attempt to punish the wrong-doers that pop-up throughout our lives to remind us that 'life isn't fair,' and also to prevent repeat offenses.  Yet remaining pissed-off at people for reasons long forgotten and/or irrelevant, judging others for things they do and/or say, or believing they've done us some injustice and/or injury somehow fails to administer satisfactory retribution.  We therefore find ourselves inevitably getting pissed off, over and over again, for the same reasons.  At the end of the day, the spiteful individual is the only one left wallowing in the pissy-waters of resentment, a pool of distorted thoughts and feelings of anger that poison the Mind and Body.  Where is the despicable Being that committed the injustice?  How are they feeling?  They're living their life and feeling just peachy, likely complacent or simply ignorant of the ill-will held against them, unable to feel the needle being continually mind-jabbed into them by the aforementioned individual.

This definition becomes especially true when we hold resentments against loved ones.  Attempting to hold both anger and love in the same space creates the most self-defeating emotion in existence: Guilt.

Resolution of resentments requires that we first realize each, at their most fundamental level, has one of two sources:

1. Someone has something you want (or think you want), that you'll never have and/or you don't deserve. 
• Examples: money, self-acceptance, fame, ripped biceps, healthy relationships, a pony, happiness, etc.
2. You're projecting your most detested qualities, fears and/or insecurities onto the character of another, opting to despise them for these defects instead of yourself. 
• When I was fat I resented all skinny people, convinced they were disgusted by my girth.  The truth was that nobody was as disgusted by my appearance as I was, but it's 'healthier' to project that anger onto others in lieu of drinking the poison that is self-loathing; right?

Secondly, one must identify, analyze and understand the origin and fictitious nature of their resentments.  This requires one to ask oneself: What do I, as well as others, do that really 'cranks-my-yank?'  In short, what pisses me off?  As I began to ask these questions and determine the resentments I hold against myself, loved ones and even strangers, I noticed a humiliating trend; they were all utterly ridiculous.  Clearly I fancy myself very intelligent, important and deserving of unparalleled praise and attention, because I'm quick to become angry when these things are not bestowed upon me.  Most disturbingly, I falsely believe that I am responsible for the well-being and actions of my friends and family, then I turn around and resent them for it; especially if they fail to show adequate appreciation.  Yikes.  Indeed, no one in my society has ever asked for my repeated interference in their affairs, nor could they conceive of my false perception of guardianship.  Each resentment I held turned out to be true only in my own distorted Mind.  The good news for all is that once these beliefs are discovered as fraudulent, one can release the resulting resentments.

Summer's Guide to Identifying Resentments and Mistaken Beliefs:

1. Recall a situation during which you became supremely pissed-off or otherwise emotionally disturbed.
2. Identify the exact stimulus, words and/or behaviors, which caused these emotions. * Consider only the words, behaviors and actions. They, along with your Mind's interpretation of them, created the resentment* Consequently, remove the offending person.
3. Analyze your resulting feelings, behaviors and reactions.  Did certain words/behaviors trigger fears and insecurities from your past?  Did certain words/behaviors make you feel powerless, rejected, or otherwise inferior?  Did certain words/behaviors bring up painful memories/feelings you had repressed and would rather not re-live?
4. Be honest with yourself about the true nature of your resentment and who it is aimed at; it may be against the offender, but it is likely also against yourself or some other influential person in your life.
5. Cut through the web of bullshit you've spun around yourself and identify destructive thinking trends.  Here it is critical to remember that we often deceive ourselves, thus what we hear and see may not be how it really 'went-down.'  
6. Tell someone you trust about the experience and how it made you feel.  If they know you well they may offer insight, otherwise simply having someone listen to your feelings so that you can release the emotions is beneficial.  
7. BREAK THE HABIT.  The next time someone displays behavior or says something that typically knocks you off-balance, choose to act differently. 

It's ugly, I'm not going to lie, and it sure as hell isn't fun to go through this process; but continuing in this manner, addressing every resentment and behavior that upsets you, you'll begin to see patterns.  These patterns develop into a list of core defects, fears and insecurities.  For example, damn near every resentment I've ever held stems from a false perception of abandonment or rejection.  True, this is born from the fact that I was indeed abandoned when I was five years-old. [Again, something only I believe to be true.  If you asked the person who 'abandoned' me, I'm 100% certain they would tell you a different story.]  Carrying that fear into every relationships theretofore led to a steadfast mistrust of other people's intentions and feelings towards me.  It became a poison which prevented me from experiencing unconditional love, especially for myself as I truly believed there was something about me that eventually caused people to flee like Goths from a pep-rally.  Facing that fact, one that had eluded me for 22 years yet influenced my actions everyday, was butt-ass-ugly and horrifying.  My only comfort is that I can break the habitual thought pattern of 'everyone I love will leave me' because now I know it's a fear instigated by my past, and therefore bullshit.  

Resentment is Human kryptonite, and unless we understand its origins and choose to act differently, we are doomed to repeat resentments which keep us from cultivating healthy relationships with ourselves and others.

Thought of the Day 3/5/2012

Any questions?

Gratefully, my day drastically improved as I decided to meet a dear friend for dinner.  I even indulged in packing on a pie-pouch for the benefit of fueling my hamster-like obsession with running.  Now I'm burping up Mint Brownie Pie, delicious; and thank you for cheering me up Ben!

Thought of the Day 3/4/2012: Social Meteorology

A combination of listening to 'Anne of Green Gables' by L.M. Montgomery and partaking in the rampage of chatter that ensued as my Yoga class stepped into the Spring sunshine after class, made me contemplate the social convention of talking about the weather.  Weather is something that is brought up in almost all conversations; during small-talk with acquaintances, catch-up sessions with distant friends and family and also during our own daily reflections upon happenings we found particularly pleasant or bothersome.  For example, I cursed the winds the day they carried something large enough to hit and crack my windshield, yet today I'm enjoying the warmth that the Chinook winds often carry through the foothills and Denver.

Besides the excitement and horror which natural disasters inspire, we have been programmed to habitually comment on the weather for generations, spanning back to the evolution of man.  Why is this?  I suspect it is because in days of yor, before TV and weather.com, when the weather had a profound effect on every day vitality such as crop profits and general health, they had no way to predict day-to-day weather fluctuations.  Consequently, even the most modest changes in the weather became the talk of the town, and could stimulate both social unity and division.  A sudden storm could ruin a farmer's crop but also provide the rain a gardener needed for their flowers to thrive.

If you witnessed this astonishing sight, admit it, you would piss yourself.

Most interestingly, given the criticality of these uncertainties and their effects on one's quality of life, people naturally began cultivating environmental and bodily cues to predict the weather.  Evolutionarily this makes sense and its something engrained into every animal on earth.  Remember the reports about animals heading in-land prior to the tsunami in Indonesia, leaving some behind wondering 'what-the-shit?'  An aching joint, the smell of moisture in the air, the reflection of moonshine off the clouds at night and the color of a sunrise and/or sunset all became ways to divine immediate weather changes.  For instance, in the early 1900's if you lived in Tornado Alley and your ears began to pop you'd know to get your ass into the storm cellar.   I find this all extremely fascinating but unfortunately in present day, with over 40% of all news casts devoted to reporting weather forecasts, humans have begun to lose this innate ability.  Residents of Tornado Alley now rely on the news to inform them of potential danger; yet the people who retained some aspect of their ancestor's abilities are already in a safe place, having felt the sudden decrease in air pressure.  Also, where are the animals? That's right, they're gone because they knew shit was about to hit the fan.  This is precisely why I pay attention to my animals in the spring when Denver experiences frequent Tornado threats.  If Dharma (cat) starts running around like mad and Charlie (dog) hinds under the bed, we all hang out in the bathroom for awhile and stare at each other.  Humans had these very same instincts, but modern meteorology has beaten it out of us and we now rely on someone dressed in a suite standing in front of a green screen to tell us what we may expect for the coming week.  Even then, especially in CO, they're often wrong.

So it's no surprise that we talk about the weather so habitually; it's something we've been doing since we developed a larynx and spoken language!  When Mother-Nature suddenly lays the smack-down on your society it naturally becomes the topic of social recourse.  Also the Human Mind evolved to worry about that which it cannot control, thus my 'Anne of Green Gables' reference.  Anne became distraught over heavy rains that fell only days before a much-anticipated Sunday School Picnic; fearing they endangered her opportunity for fun and ice cream, justly so.  This is a minor example but the point remains; in those times especially, conversations centered upon the weather as it was critical to food sources and a perception of general security.  The main difference is that the conversation has turned from 'A sudden flash flood killed half my family' to 'I hope it doesn't snow tomorrow, it will make my morning commute hell.'

One Native American: 'How strong is your hut?'
The other: 'I'm not sure, but I'm about to find out.'

Thought of the Day 3/3/2012: My Ethnic Bias

I was shopping today when an observation hit me and I wondered: Why does it always seem like black people have more fun than everyone else?  Seriously, this is something I now realize I've noticed my entire life.  And by my entire life, I mean since the first time I actually saw a black person; I was around 15 years old.  Anyway, every time I see a black person they are either laughing, dancing or just plan acting jovial and carefree.  They act the why I feel, yet I keep it mostly inside to avoid side-long glances of disapproval.  It's always made me want to hang out with them, and though I have had black friends, it has failed to satisfy my enthusiasm for them as these friendships have been transient.

For example, the best black friend I've ever had was named Tiffany and we worked at a King Soopers deli together.  She frequently missed work because she had been arrested for assaulting her boyfriend.  Though I gave her rides to and from work I was never allowed in her house because it 'wasn't safe for me.'  I should've been scared or offended, instead I was mesmerized and loved Tiffany all the more.  Working with her, when she wasn't in jail, was an absolute blast.  We were always dancing, singing and laughing.  She conditioned me into referring to everyone as either Mister or Miss, and taught me fun phrases like 'kick rocks,' 'pump yo' brakes,' and my favorite 'ain't nothin' to it but to do it.'  Tiffany took both delight and pride in hearing my painfully white self speaking in this manner.  Best of all, she called me her 'Uh-Oh Oreo,' perceiving that I was white on the outside but black on the inside.  And by today's observation I find this to be true; it would certainly explain my obsession with Hip Hop music.

So what is this exuberance and magnetism?  Is it based in ethnicity?  Do white people just take themselves far too seriously?  Am I biased and only think that black people are more fun due to my culturally depraved past?

Either way, I need more black friends....... Any volunteers?

Thought of the Day 3/2/2012: It's Friday!

This song has been stuck in my head for a week and special meaning to me.  Besides, it's Friday, go out and get into some Trouble!

MB- Someday, perhaps.  Until then, know that the same sun shines on both CA and CO.   

Thought of the Day 3/1/2012: Holy Change of Plans

Here's a great example of how fast things can change:

Both my lease and my job contract come up on the same day at the end of March, thus the reason for me taking off and traveling, knowing neither home or career.  I'm not going to lie, this made me anxious.  My boss worked hard to extend my contract, but corporate red-tape prevented it.  In fact nothing short of a miracle, the CEO's signature, could change the policy.   Today my boss called me into her office, and as a 'hasty' subordinate I naturally assumed my mouth had gotten me into trouble again.  Mais non, by some magnificent turn of events, the policy had been changed the night before and my contract was immediately extended to 24 months!  We are talking about a corporate policy at a world-renowned pharmaceutical company, which has been upheld in the most steadfast manner for the past 30 years; changed overnight.  [Hilarious, as I wrote that sentence a commercial for Enbrel was on the TV, our flagship medication]

Here's the thing, the group needs me right away so now have to re-arrange my plans, swallow some plane tickets, and find an apartment within a month, hahaha.  Just goes to show that you can never be sure of anything!  Isn't life great?

PS For those going to my Denver's Good-Bye Dinner, it's still on; I'm moving to Longmont and don't anticipate making that commute again anytime soon!

Thought of the Day 2/29/2012: Leap Year

What can I say about a date that comes only once every 4 years? I GOT AN EXTRA PAYCHECK THIS MONTH!

PS I was just approved for overtime at my job, so be patient as I won't be writing a lot because I'm working like a dog for extra travel money!  That's right, I'm talking to all 30 of you, hahahaha.

Thought of the Day 2/28/2012: Creating Mind Flexibility

Yesterday morning my boss saw me in the kitchen and asked me if I was alright and I thought 'Shit, did I forget to put my pants on before leaving the gym?'  Nope, there they were, so what had I done to make her worry?  I had simply failed to be in my cubicle by 7am as I had habitually done since the beginning of my contract last April.  I explained to her that I'm setting my daily schedule back an hour to break my 4am habit, opting to practice a new 5am regimen.  This inspired an odd look, one I'm very familiar with, then she went back to her office.

Her observation amused me as it only served to prove my hypothesis that, as humans, we notice each others habits and become alarmed upon even modest alterations.  This is precisely why over that past month I have systematically set myself the task of creating new habits and breaking old ones, wholly to prove to myself that it can be done with only mild exacerbation of my worry-some nature and fear of change.  Furthermore, I intend to continue this behavior throughout my life as I strongly believe these small yet consistent changes will lessen the blow of more devastating changes, which never fail to provoke my Mind's anxiety.  Just as I practice Yoga to increase the Body's flexibility, I will persistently alter my daily routines to augment my Mind's acceptance of life's inevitable changes.

Not all habits are bad, and most are not as obvious as a finger shoved up the nose; but all habits can and should be broken to improve the mind's flexibility.  It also promotes the docile adoption of life's changes with minimal anxiety.